Apathetic Grand Parents

[Puzzledparent122]

Hello I know this is Mumsnet but as a dad I want to ask for other peoples thoughts.

My wife and I have an amazing, happy and wonderful toddler who'll be three soon.

When my son was born my parents in law came over from Asia and gave five months of constant care for my son, my wife and when myself. Cleaning, cooking, child care etc etc etc.

My parents on the other hand have been totally apathetic pretty much since day 1.

My mum is 74 in perfect health and dad is 72 and again in perfect health. They say they can't leave their house due to Covid although they're fully jabbed etc.

My mum hasn't seen my son since Dec 2019 and my dad hasn't seen my son Jan 2020.

My parents live about 1 hour 15 mins away and even when I've said... "I'll bring my son over and you can see him in your garden so there's no chance of you catching Covid." The answer has been multiple times that they cancel at the very last minute.

If I arranged for them to drive through and see us in our garden again they cancel again at the last minute.

If I ask to FaceTime my mum will say she doesn't like that modern technology.

If I send photos on WhatsApp there's no text back to say thanks or take interest but if I send to my parents in law they immediately text back.

If I point out that it would do then good to leave the house, get some fresh air and see their grandson I'm told how manipulative I am and also I haven't appreciated what they've done for me growing up etc.

Both my wife and I are very confused and quite hurt.

Sorry for the rant... has anyone else encountered this and am I being reasonable?

Hello,

Yes my son is mixed race but that's not it.

It's something g else I just don't know what unfortunately.

Thank you

Both of ours were utterly hopeless, but then they're losing out now that DC have grown, because they aren't interested in them either. You reap what you sow!

Your answer cuts very close to the bone because it's exactly how I feel but I can't quite believe it's true.

It's very possible that your parents are simply refusing to engage with you on your terms (and maybe they never really have, and your life when you were a child was all about their expectations of you).

Sometimes parents who have narcissistic tendencies see their children as less then three dimensional and it's a shock to them to see you as an adult, doing your own thing out in the world, forming relationships with others, having a career, colleagues, a spouse, children, a house of your own, a car, a pet, responsibilities, and fully invested in all of that.

A narcissistic habit of looking at a child as an extension of yourself is a hard habit to get over. Many don't even try, but spend decades resenting their adult children and the lack of support ('after all the effort we put in when you were a child, boo hoo') and moaning to anyone who has time to listen about how neglected they are.