Telling kids to hit back

[TreeRoad]

My LO is starting nursery soon. They’re very young so will be in the baby room so this is more of a curiosity/hypothetical question.

I was having a glance through the various nursery policies and wondering what everyone’s stance on other kids hitting your child, and whether you tell them to hit back or take another approach?

Do you think it’s always wrong to use violence, even if the other person hits first? Or is it important that your child stands up for themselves and isn’t a target for bullies in the future?

My LO is my first and I haven’t really considered what I would tell them if the situation ever arose. Equally, I’d like to be prepared if it did.

I mean I grew up near a street that was just a no go at night, if may have been one of the countries most dangerous roads at some point so I didn't venture there at night & was very careful during the day. That's not victim blaming.

@giggbig

no it’s not. I work in MH and unfortunately victim blaming is the new buzz word. It most certainly IS a good thing to highlight victim blaming but it’s being overly used and often out of context.

• best thing to do is to avoid being a target.*

if this isn't victim blaming then I don't know what is. I certainly hope you don't work in children's MH, children can do everything in their power to keep safe and still be a target.

to the pp, I grew up outside the UK, I am more than aware that the majority of the things we do to 'keep ourselves safe' are just theatre.

to the pp, I grew up outside the UK, I am more than aware that the majority of the things we do to 'keep ourselves safe' are just theatre.

except it's not...

assessing risk & removing risk where possible does not equal victim blaming.

amp.theguardian.com/film/2022/mar/08/young-plato-review-belfast-headteacher-inspires-playground-thinkers

Anyone who thinks you should hit back should watch this. Violence breeds violence. End of.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

of course they can do everything in their power and still end up unsafe. I agree with you?

Your passion is admirable, but trying to avoid being a target is not victim blaming. It is most certainly not theatre either.

its just called being streetwise. You can still end up unsafe being streetwise of course. This is what I mean by the over labelling of certain buzz words.

@giggbig

Assessing risk is now a form of victim blaming according to some mumsnet users.

No, hitting back just escalates things. Also it's teaching kids that violence can be ok, which it is not.

@Janedoe82

agreed. Violence breeds violence.

I completely agree with you.
It is stupidity to leave, for eg, valuables on show in your parked, unattended car. No, it doesn't mean you deserve to have them stolen, but it definitely increases the risk of it happening.

Of course, this doesn't mean that the fault doesn't lie with the person robbing the car, it simply means they targeted that car because they saw the opportunity.

Didn't realise when my parents told me to avoid said areas it was victim blaming or when I tell my dc to not have their phones out it's the same. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well this is abusive.

@giggbig

silly us. Might let my son out until midnight too roaming the streets. After all he’s not to blame and neither am I. Never knew this worrying malarkey was just theatre.

mind blown.

and most burglars look for opportunity above anything else. I remember a policeman knocking on the door (back in the beat days) telling my mum to move a brick she had put on something in the front garden to hold it down. Easy pickings for smashing the window to break in. Again not victim blaming.

We read this book and honestly it really helped. DS almost 2 years later comes out with "hands are for hugging" or "hands are for saying hello" when he's trying to be cute.

A friend of a friend hits her child when he hits other kids, which in turn makes him angry enough to try and bite her and then later takes out his excess frustration on the kids she didn't want him hitting in the first place.

@giggbig

agreed. This is where it is totally taken out of context.

the McCanns for instance. I never was that person who blamed them for leaving their child that night. They made a mistake yes but I never blamed them, they were victims (allegedly of course as none of know what happened although personally I’ve always felt they were never involved).

did it make people more aware on holiday? Possibly. The latter not being victim blaming.