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Parenting

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Original poster

My children are like strangers

76 replies

GADDay · 15/04/2022 21:39

I have three older DC. DS1 is nearly 21 he is overseas at uni. DS2 is nearly 18 in the final year at school. DD is 14.

They don't speak or interact unless they have to. I feel so sad. There is just no sibling love in our house. I don't know where it went wrong.

Anybody in the same boat? Did they grow closer as they got older? Or were you in a similar situation growing up.

It feels like I have failed the family test.

OP posts:

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Original poster

GADDay · 15/04/2022 22:04

Is there anybody in the same boat? I feel really rough about this.

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 15/04/2022 22:06

Me, I hardly see them and one hates the other, so they never see each other. I don’t know where I went wrong. I had two because I’m an only child.

ChloeR81 · 15/04/2022 22:10

Mine are too little at the moment (6 and 8), but reflecting on my relationship with my sister- we didn’t get on at all through our teens and into uni years, she’d walk past me in the hall at school and totally blank me. We’re really close now though (late 30s) and have a great relationship. If they were close as children perhaps they’ll grow close again as they get older?

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Bunnybingesoneggs · 15/04/2022 22:14

Ime buy a pool table!!
Best money I have spent in years...
Towering 20+year old dc stooped over the table with teens. Brings a tear I tell you!

helloisitmeyourelookingfor · 15/04/2022 22:17

Mine hate each other, won't be in the same room as each other

Actually breaks my heart and I worry about all important events in the future, and if I'm feeling particularly morose I think about what if I get seriously ill -I'd have to choose which one would come and see me because they wouldn't come together

Sigh

Bigbus · 15/04/2022 22:21

My DD15 and DD13 don’t get on at all. They have in the last but the last 2 years they don’t really have any relationship at all. DD15 is trying a bit now but DD13 walks out of the room if she walks and constantly criticises everything she does. It makes me sad but I can’t force them to be friends. I feel like everyone else’s children get on and mine are the only ones that’s don’t. I hope they will get on better when they are older.

CornishGem1975 · 15/04/2022 22:24

I am many years down the line and haven't had a relationship with my sister - ever. We hated each other as children, she moved out before I was a teenager and we've never had much contact since. Just totally different people.

My kids however are as thick as thieves, even as teens, and even though they mostly ignore each other at school. At home, they're best mates.

teenagetantrums · 15/04/2022 22:26

Mine are both in thier late twenties now. They occasionally txt each other. But that's about it. They live in different cities and have different lives. Makes me a bit sad as they were very close as children. However they seem to enjoy each others company when they both here so that's a plus.i think they would both support each other through a crisis.

Georgeskitchen · 15/04/2022 22:27

They may grow closer over the years. Sadly that didn't happen with me and my brother. He was always the favourite and any misdemeanours of his were always brushed under the carpet by my mother

whatdodos · 15/04/2022 22:27

I don't thunk you've failed as such they are just all on very different paths so probably don't have much in common with each other at the moment. I wasn't always best friends with my sister when we were teens and we'd always wind each other up and argue. It's not until our late twenties we've become really close

StopStartStop · 15/04/2022 22:30

Strangers to each other? Not a problem. Healthy, in fact. My brother and I were 'strangers' most of our lives. Completely different friendship groups, different interests, different lives. Now, we share an elderly father who needs support, so we text each other daily.

felulageller · 15/04/2022 22:31

I didn't even get a happy birthday text from my eldest.

Sibling relationships aren't formed by the parents I don't think.

SilverDoe · 15/04/2022 22:32

I hated my brothers when we were younger but now that we're older I have a good relationship with one and can be amicable with the other. We lost our dad end of 2020 and we've just recently decided to do stuff altogether sometimes as we don't really socialise, and I think that's nice.

If it's just indifference and not active fallings out, I would insist on arranging more family get togethers and seeing if that helps

MegBusset · 15/04/2022 22:41

Mine are 15 and almost 13 and don't interact much now they're in the teenage years and hide in their bedrooms most of the time. They each have their own group of friends and are very different in personality - when they were younger this used to cause bickering, now they are more mature they don't seem to wind each other up but they do seem to keep a polite distance from each other. They were very close when younger but I try not to worry about it, I am close with one of my siblings but hardly see the other so I know it's not a given. I hope at least as adults they will support each other if needed.

neverknowwhatusernametochoose · 15/04/2022 22:52

I was close to my sister growing up but don't think I ever communicated with her when we were both at uni. Just heard her news via our mother. Busy living our own lives! But now we're very close and see each other all the time. Hopefully yours will get closer with age.

lameasahorse · 15/04/2022 22:55

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SRS29 · 15/04/2022 22:55

OP currently on holiday with DH and 2 DD's aged 20 & 17.....luckily in a hotel with separate rooms....overall great but some tense classic family clashes and conversations......wine is the cure xxx

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2022 22:56

@ChloeR81

Same for me and my sister.

But lots of siblings aren’t close OP, it’s not reflection on you, long as they are decent people.

Passanotherjaffacake · 15/04/2022 23:02

I see my brother once a year (Christmas) and we have a family text chat which is extremely superficial. We are late 30s/early 40s now so can’t imagine we will grow closer now.

Makes my mum sad but she accepts there is nothing she can do about it. My brother just isn’t that into his family and lives a kind of alternative lifestyle and thinks we are too boring/trite for him. Suspect when mum goes we will just text annually or something. It is a shame.

There is still time for yours to grow closer OP, but nothing to feel bad of IMO. Xxx

longcoffeebreak · 15/04/2022 23:09

Me. My son who is 17 has no real connection with his brother (now he only talks to me when he wants something) as my other son whom is 15 has autism and can't interact very well. I have never taken them on holiday as a family as it would be pointless

AskingforaBaskin · 15/04/2022 23:15

I mine are all children but DH has two brothers. One has moved closish so we are somewhat in touch and we see them sometimes as we have children similar ages.

Other brother is zero contact. No reason. I think he's nice, lovely family but they live a few hours away and they both just have absolutely no relationship.

I've asked him about it and reaching out but he just asks why as there is not point.

At the end of the day they are individuals who happened to be made by the same people and used to live together when they were growing up.

HailAdrian · 15/04/2022 23:20

Aww my 10yo and 16yo are actually really close and I am with my sister. My 10yo has a love/hate relationship with his little brother though, he struggles with his additional needs.

FairyLightPups · 15/04/2022 23:23

Dsis and I hated each other as teens (close as children) and now as adults we are best friends. They're all just at funny stages, I wouldn't worry.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 15/04/2022 23:31

My DB and I are totally different people. He's nice, I like him as a person, and we can work together if we have to, but we have zero in common. So we don't communicate much or spend any time together, other than at the odd family event, but we would definitely help each other out if the chips were down.

The bonds between siblings can be strong without being obvious.

cocktailclub · 15/04/2022 23:44

I feel your pain. Totally get the sadness. One of mine has a gf that doesn't get on at all with any of us so he tends to avoid our family get togethers. I hate it, thinking I can't have everyone together again as I did for the first 20 years of their lives.
Very sad.
Hoping it might improve when they reach late twenties

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