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Original poster

feeeling like i cant cope with my 2yr old.

33 replies

misdee · 22/11/2004 08:09

dd2 is really getting to me lately. she wants one to one attention all day long, her eating habits are off the wall (she is eating loads lately), her tantrums are getting worse she now throws herself on the floor and does an ear piercing scream, she just wont sit still basically. she needs more attention than i give her all the time.

just feel like i'm letting her down by not beign able to do everything. if i gave her all the attention she needs/craves i'd get no housework, cooking etc done.

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 08:23

hi misdee

unfortunately i have no advice whatsoever, wish i could help but just wanted to say you are not alone and you have my sympathy. i have a 2 yr old dd as well and i know where you are coming from. the throwing on the floor and the screaming is just the worst, isnt it? my dd gets to me by asking for something, like juice, then when i give it to her she goes nuts and asks for milk. i do think its frustration because they dont actually know what they want, and when they do, they cant express it properly.

best wishes, keep smiling and count to 10 (or 100!)

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 08:25

the one thing i'm really thinking about is she loves her nursery place which is only one day a week. I've got to call a new nursery this week which is closer to home, and am thinking about upping her time there to 2-3 afternoons a week. she comes out so happy and full of life.

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throckenholt · 22/11/2004 08:28

She has to learn that she doesn't get one to one constant attention (then you will both be happier). The standard advice for tantrums and general bad behaviour is to ignore it - they are supposed to realise they don't get any reward and so stop doing it. And at the same time praise good behaviour.
My DS1 is a master tantrumer and ignoring sort of works but he is very persistent.

Try and involve her in the housework and cooking - that way she gets attention and you get things done (albeit a bit slower and a bit messier probably ).

Don't give her too many choices - stick to 1 of 2 things or nothing.

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 08:29

omg!

my dd goes to a childminder once a week and its the highlight of her week, playing with all the other boys and girls. even though i am mat leave at the mo and therefore not working, im still sending her to the childminder and actually just last week i decided to up her days to 2 a week. i just keep telling myself its benefitting her (learning and playing with the others) and its benefitting me (getting peace and quiet). if you can afford it and you are already thinking about it then do it!

nailpolish · 22/11/2004 08:30

just read throckenholts post - great advice!

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 08:33

i can afford it. she only goes for the social aspect anyway as i am a SAHM. dd1 was quite happy to be with me until she started nursery at 3.5yrs old, but dd2 just seems to crave attention and stimilation all the time.

I dont give her one to one attention, and do ignore the tantrums, i leave her screaming on the floor and go into another room, but its getting me down.

Both dd's help with cooking, tidying up, but then they create more mess 5 mins later, i leave housework now till the evenings except when its too dangerous to leave (tripping over things etc).

People refer to her a little terror, which even if said in a jokey way gets me down. she is known as a troublemaker and i feel she lives up to that title. She is one very lively little girl.

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 08:39

misdee, you sound like a great mum who is doing everything right. your dd as you say obviously just craves attention and stimulation - couldnt have put it better myself. take her the extra day - sounds like the best idea

throckenholt · 22/11/2004 08:53

it is tough when they do that isn't it ?

Try not to let anyone label her as a troublemaker - otherwise she has a role she is subconciously trying to fill. Can you interest her in anything like books, or drawing, or a trainset, or a jigsaw. (I know the phrase - "Mummy do it" - aagghhh). What I mean is try and encourage her to do things that take a bit of quiet concentration for a while. And maybe have a good hour each day outside running round - to burn off a bit of that energy.

And eating - someone suggested to get round messing about a table put an egg timer up and say - any food still here after the egg timer is finished goes away. Apparently it gives them control and stops you having to nag. I am going to try it I think.

Also - is she bored ? (given that she likes nursery so much) - can you arrange some playdates with some of the kids from nursery or other friends ?

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 09:07

i do honestly belive she is bored. We go out most days, she loves being out and about (am about to do a trip into town, she can walk safely in the shopping centre). she loevs drawing/painting and can spend upto an hour drawing on her own with her bum up in the air, which i feel is great for a 2year old.

We now have a garden as well, so she escapes out there to make mud pies a few times a week as long as its not pouring down or icey.

Eating, well she has gone from eating nothing to eating everything!! Now seems to have a bottomless pit for a tummy.

I really hate the troublemaker label she has, and do try and stop it, but some people (mil) dont seem to stop and think, and its getting me down.

I am feeling guitly about the nursery thing, just phoned new nursery and she is now on the waiting list. why do i feel so guilty?

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 09:12

you feel guilty cos its part of the job description my mum says. when you see her enjoy her extra day at nursery maybe you wont feel so guilty. she doesnt sound like a troublemaker to me, she sounds like a funloving intelligent toddler whe would be a great pal for mine!

its hard keeping them occupied i think especially in this bloody weather. sometimes we spend 2 hrs going the long way round the park then to the shop just for a pint of milk that i dont even need just for something to do! but who cares as long as you still have your sanity

big hugs xxx

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 09:14

b and q is a favourite shop of hers. its round the corner from me so we walk there, she runs to the garden bit and looks the the play houses and then we go and a buy a packet of screws.

cant wait till the new park over the road is finished.

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 09:18

yesterday we went to woolies and she decided she just HAD TO HAVE 8 packs of stickers so now everything in the house is covered in nemo stickers - fridge, dads slippers, her 5 wk old sister..............................................

but it kept her quiet for 5 minutes!

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 09:23

i'm just worried that if i dont get this sorted soon i'm really going to resent her. We have another baby due in march, so atm im feelign tired a lot of the time, and am worried that things are gonna be too much by march. she starts actual pre-school next sept.

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 09:26

your poor thing, never realised you were pg. (congrats)

you are probably more worried cos you are tired. am i telling you what you already know?! will new baby be no. 2?

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 09:28

#3. dd1 starts school in january as well. have to go to her new school today for her to meet her teacher and for us to get her uniform etc.

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 09:29

you are very brave!

so when will yoyu be able to send her to nursery more?

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 09:31

soon as they have a place. she might be nursery-free for a few weeks in january tho. even if they have session a week going spare it'll be a help. can always up the sessions later.

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Caligula · 22/11/2004 09:33

Misdee I have almost exactly the same thing with my DD (also 2). Involving her in the housework is the only way I've found to use up some of her energy, and also to take her out as much as possible. I work from home, so don't necessarily have time to do stuff with her, and my au-pair tends to dump her in front of CBeebies so I am at this very moment arranging for childminder, playgroup and nursery visits, as I feel she definitely needs the stimulation of other children/ other activities that I just can't give her because of work and my au-pair can't give her cos he's clueless. (In spite of me doing a list of suggested activities!)

Please don't feel guilty about sending her for the extra day, it sounds like she really needs it, and so do you. And if you do, so does your other DD as well - she'll have a less stressed out Mummy and a less annoying little sister! Life's too short, do anything that will make it better.
HTH

nailpolish · 22/11/2004 09:34

my dd1 was wild before dd2 was born and i was really worried. thing is , she really surprised me and seemed to 'grow up' and start behaving a bit more when baby came home. now she can even be mummys little helper! did you find this between 1 and 2? maybe when no.3 comes along dd2 will be the same. (just a shot in the dark)

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 09:37

dd1 has also been the quieter child, tho they seem to bounce off each other at times. when dd1 is at her nursery place dd2 is a lot calmer. dd1 adores her younger sister and always has since the moment she was born (2.5yrs old when dd2 arrived, will be same age gap between dd2 and #3). am hoping dd2 calms down, and just wishing winter away so we can go out more.

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 09:42

im sure she will calm down, misdee. looking after a wee baby takes up a lot of time and i think my dd1 thinks its her 'job' sometimes and helping me with dd2 gives her something to keep her occupied. does that make sense? im sure im telling you what you already know! itll maybe help that shes a girl too (hope im not coming across as sexist!) plus in jan she will be 2 months older. every month older makes a difference i think. hope the nursery place comes up soon? hows the pregnancy going by the way? i miss being pregnant

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 09:43

had morning sickness till a few weeks ago (am now 26weeks ish), now have heartburn. other than that i feel fine. not got much of a bump tho.

bet go out now.

thanks.

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nailpolish · 22/11/2004 09:44

same here. have gp appt for dd

all the best

Original poster
misdee · 22/11/2004 12:23

argh, she just had a massive tantrum as i said she couldnt have her doughnut till after lunch. manged to get her settled for her lunch now and is munching happily (btw are my kids the only ones who doesnt like sweet filings in their sandwiches? they always want meat fillinsg etc, never had a jam sandwich in their lives), and the doughnuts are safe, for now.

the screaming goes right through me, shattered my earsdrums. i'm sure my neighbours think she is being hurt.

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Nutcracker · 22/11/2004 12:35

Hi Misdee, i think i have mentioned before that my Dd2 (now4) has always been the most challenging as far as behaviour goes.

At 2 Dd was at her worst i would say i think and so i understand why it is so hard.
I would definatly up her nursery time if that is poss, as it gives you both some independace and some space from each other.

Dd2 didn't start nursery until she was 3 but it made such a lot of difference as it gave me a breather from her and her from me.
After about 8mths i upped it from 2 days to 3 and she loved it and it helped prepare her for scvhool.

She will gorw out of it a bit honest (won't dare to say exactly when but she will)