How did you find the first twelve months of being a parent?

[Whatagrapefruit156]

Curious to find out what everyone’s experience was.

Hardest time of my life emotionally. Cried at the drop of a hat, was quite anxious as DS struggled to gain weight. Felt like an absolute failure when I could BF.

But also it was the best.

The first few weeks were auto pilot really, after a couple of months we'd found our rhythm and the next 10+ months were amazing, took him camping, to the beach, watched him grow from helpless little bairn to strapping walking talking eating machine.

Horrific really. I was a zombie for the majority of the time. Ruined my career as I couldn't concentrate for shit. Now my kids are 4 and 2 and life isn't so bad.

Tough. And that’s with an hugely supportive DH who has always been an equal parent. I felt the loss of my identity very keenly.

Loved it 😍 but I had to go to back full time when twins were 5 months which has its own challenges with dealing with lack of sleep and also holding down a job. I'd do it again and again if I could

Loved it with all 3. My favourite stage is the newborn stage. Yes it's exhausting but I loved getting up in the twilight hours and feeding my babies all on my own. Precious times.

Amazing. Harder when they got mobile, but definitely the best years of my life, especially that first few weeks. It was blissful

I loved it, but DH was home for first month, I lucked out with our small antenatal group so we had lovely lunches and days out multiple times a week, DD was a unicorn baby, super chilled, slept well, I had an easy recovery from birth. There are a lot of variables!

Worst 2 years of my life. But also made some great friends and had some lovely moments. Even though it was bad it was like an investment.

It's funny, with all of the kids I remember particular occasions with me just sitting feeding or holding them and feeling like all was right in the world. Saying that, eyes hanging out of head tired, walked/ran around like a self absorbed zombie. Hair was always greasy as anytime I went for a shower and had the noses basket/cot at the door he'd cry and I wouldn't feel like it when dh had gotten home!!

Hated it. But I always said that if I could have skipped to the 2 year old stage I would have. But now DS is 18m and at about 15m it was like a switch flipped in my head. He learnt to point and walk and we could go to the park and musuems and read books and get reations back. We can play with each other in a way that wasn't possible before.

It didn't help that I was stuck at home in the Novemeber and Jauary lockdowns with no family about but I'm just not interested in the new born bit with the washing, feeding, waving things in his face, smiling like a loon constantly, no reactions back, and the screaming. But like I said I find having a toddler awsome!

Absolutely horrendous. I hated the vast majority of it. Had terrible PND, a baby with silent reflux and CMPA that didn't get diagnosed for months and was completely miserable, felt incredibly isolated and useless. Awful, awful, awful.

Things started to get better at 13 months and have gone in an upward trajectory ever since. Adored almost every minute of 2 onwards and have since decided the horror of the baby years was worth it and I'd consider doing it again.

0-4months : Mostly hideous, with daily lovely moments. Currently 1m in with number 2 and can confirm that I definitely do not enjoy the newborn stage / postpartum body image issues / sleep deprivation.

4m+ : Absolutely amazing and have loved every age from this point, even terrible twos and threes. Didn't enjoy weaning though, and found mealtimes very trying of my patience. Still do three years on!

Different experiences all 3 times.
With DC1, I was very young. There was a lot of self doubt about my abilities as a parent, and I let a lot of outside influences make my decisions for me which I regret hugely. But generally, DC1 was a delightful baby and I have mostly happy memories of her 1st year.
With DC2, there were a lot of medical issues going on - some of them life threatening and I spent the entire first year in a terrifying pit of fear, constantly on edge that my DS would die. It was one of the worst times in my life.
With DC3 the first year was wonderful. She was born just before the first lockdown. And all the rules in place meant that we spent majority of her first year at home together as a family, with my elder DCs forming a beautiful bond with their baby sister

Hated every single moment. Promised myself I'd never do it again and have stuck to it (DD3.5). Utter relentless, tedious exhaustion. Total loss of identity. Zero reward. I have no idea why people do it more than once, must be hormones I don't possess!!

Very mixed. Amazing moments along with endless grind and exhaustion. Ds was a lovely baby though, things improved when I stopped sterilising bottles at 7 months, and the last two months of the year he was walking a bit and things were infinitely better.

peachgreen very similar experience here. There is not enough support for CMPA and reflux. As a ftm I just thought it was normal (screaming, not sleeping, constant dirty nappies). But that baby is now a toddler and the funniest little person I know. I love spending time with him and I'm about to go through it all again when DC2 arrives in 3 months!

I hate the newborn stage. Do put me and husband through hell for the first 12 weeks. I'm also coming out the other end of pnd, having a covid baby and having no family support has definitely made me a stronger person overall.

Baby is much better now thankfully and recently turned 1 so l must be doing something right!!

I was so in love with my baby but also found it so hard, the sleep deprivation. Occasionally thought about suicide. Obviously realised that I had PND. It was such a beautiful time but also tinged with so much stress. Once I had my second and they hit age 3 and 5 I hit my stride as a mother.

Worst time of my life. Hes 9 now and still struggling with the effects it had on me. Although the child in question isn’t really the problem and he’s great.

Lovely, once I'd got over the physical shock of the birth. There were some crap moments - can vividly remember wailing "Why doesn't she like me?!" at one point when dd seemed to cry every time I held her but was all smiles with DP or my mum , and one hideous day when she just randomly wouldn't breastfeed for no apparent reason.

But overall, yeah, it was amazing!

I didn't really enjoy being a parent until I had my second child and my first child was two.

It was a seismic change I was not prepared for at all.

@IllDoItButOnlyForTheAttention I remember very clearly when DC1 was about 48 hrs old. 20 year old me, holding her on my bed. She’d been fed, winded, changed etc and was still crying, and that went it hit me like a bus that I had to keep this thing alive for the next 18 years and I had no idea what the hell I was doing My exH quickly reassured me that everyone feels like that at first and we’d figure it out along the way just like everyone else - and as much as it pains me to admit it, as usual he was right

As if a train had gone full-speed through every part of my life. I had an EMCS following an horrific 40 hour long labour. I think I had more PTSD than post natal depression afterwards. I cried constantly, as did my baby. I really had no clue what to do or how to manage. Oldest is 14 now and I still shudder when I think of that time! The first 5 months were the hardest, it definitely got easier and by the 12 month mark we were doing ok but neither of us were in any way prepared for how drastically our lives would change. Looking back we entered into it blindly, with just the rosey notion of a bouncing baby and no real idea of the practicality of it! We were the first amongst all our siblings to have a baby so no nieces or nephews to draw experience from. It was certainly a shock to the system. Had the next DC 2.5 years later and that was a breeze in comparison. My advice would be to mind a lot of kids first to get your experience in and set your expectations

Grim

With my first baby, the first 7 or 8 months were awful. I loved my baby, but I was bored and exhausted and bewildered, all at the same time. Turned a corner when she was 18 months old and I suddenly started feeling like I had my life back and that the slog had been worth it.

I'm four months in with baby #2 and I am happy to admit that I don't love the baby phase. It's such a repetitive slog, and I'm feeling the loss of identity much more keenly this time around. That said, he is an infinitely easier and sunnier baby so I'm enjoying him a lot more than I did his older sister.