How did you find the first twelve months of being a parent?

[Whatagrapefruit156]

Curious to find out what everyone’s experience was.

Enjoyed it for the most part. Breastfeeding was tricky at first but got easier. Gentle sleep training worked well for us and meant we were all a lot more rested. Didn't like my job so was pleased to not be there!

Awful.

Traumatic labour, birth injuries, baby with silent reflux, mental health crisis needing intensive support from perinatal MH service, returned to work at 13 weeks, things very slowly improved then pandemic hit.

One of the longest years of my life and not in a good way. Never, ever to be repeated.

9 months in and loving it. Dreading the thought of going back to work.
Would do it all over again in a heartbeat!

Boring
Dull as fuck
Lost my identity
Pissing myself when laughing and

• or coughing

Got stretchmarks Got massive areola and breastfeeding for two years ruined my previous wonderful boobs. They are now empty spaniel ears

One of the best times of my life. There was nothing I didn't love about being a mum to my little boy. Wonderful memories. My ds is 16 now and he's an amazing son and boy and he has a great relationship with me and dh, his dd. There isn't a, stage of of parenthood that I haven't enjoyed.

Loving it so far - 9 months. Each stage has been so different.

I found it incredibly hard for many reasons. Hence I only had one.

Don't get me wrong we've had challenges as baby came early and has silent reflux and tongue tie etc but even with the pandemic it's been an incredibly special time for me.

This is honestly not a comment on posts on this thread, but I do wonder if you graded the content of the opinions and put them on a graph by 'length of time since you had a newborn' whether the further you got from it, the nicer the memories....
Sometimes a smell or little video will bring back the sort of hopeless feeling I got at times. Interestingly there is a particular condition some people get with breastfeeding (not PND, it's triggered by milk let-down) that makes you feel instantly depressed for a few minutes. I didn't realise it was 'a thing' until I had my second child so I had a better experience with it that time round - knowing what it was and why I felt that way.

@WorryMcGee

The majority of responses here are making me feel very nervous about my c section in 13 days 😬 I have absolutely loathed every second of being pregnant and was hoping it would get better when the baby is actually here! Although I’ve spent the last nine months feeling like I’ve lost my identity, my sense of enjoyment, my life, my hobbies, my body etc so perhaps it won’t come as so much of a shock? (btw I do want this baby, I just have not coped well with pregnancy at all and will never do it again. We are one and done)

Honestly, every single experience is so different. I found pregnancy an enjoyable breeze and suffered severely both mentally and physically in the first year of my DS’ life. I have friends who had the polar opposite experience. It’s mostly out of your hands anyway - the experience you get with a settled, generally cheerful baby who sleeps and feeds pretty well is so, so different to those who get a miserable baby with feeding issues, reflux, allergies or problems with sleeping. Every baby really is different and your own personality and likes and dislikes only makes up a fraction of your experience. Good look with your c section

Hated it, spent most days crying from sheer exhaustion and not knowing why baby was constantly crying.
DD is now 20 months and I'm still not overly keen, although she does give the best cuddles now inbetween the strops and meltdowns.
Definitely don't want any more, however would like to do DDs newborn stage again nowing what I do now and without the lockdown.

Completely shit. Strongly wanted to run away/kill myself to escape. I love her and DH desperately but used to fantasize about leaving them and just having her a day or two a week.

My biggest fear is that I will forget how bad it was, or decide I can do it again because I do really like having a toddler now, and I'll have a second and it will be even worse because of having two to cope with and I will actually have ruined my life.

@Mrsmch123

9 months in and loving it. Dreading the thought of going back to work. Would do it all over again in a heartbeat!

Exactly the same here. 9 month old and going back to work in two weeks which I'm absolutely dreading despite loving my job. Would just be home with my son if I could afford it

@BeanyBops I was just the same. Wanted to throw myself off a bridge most days to escape it.

Second time round I was a lot better. I still didn’t enjoy it exactly but I was a in a better place mentally.

The first 12 weeks were very tough. After that it was great as we did shared parental with some overlaps so it made things so much easier and the children are happy to go to either parent when upset etc. I had a lot of trouble with feeding with the second, I had no milk and put myself through hell, I felt like a failure, it was so tough. It was a constant cycle of breastfeeding, then a bottle to top up, then pumping to try and boost supply when I should have been sleeping. It nearly killed me. Once I ditched the pump, and the subsequent hang ups, I got to properly bond and it was great. For the third it happened again and I didn’t waste time with the pumping this time, my mental health was so much better.

6 months was my favourite for the little ones, could sit and play, but couldn’t move anywhere!! They also developed their little personalities then and it was a fun time. I was very lucky to have great sleepers, I think that my sanity more than anything as we both work full time!!

Loved it with all 3. Chaotic, tiring, brilliant, fun.

This is honestly not a comment on posts on this thread, but I do wonder if you graded the content of the opinions and put them on a graph by 'length of time since you had a newborn' whether the further you got from it, the nicer the memories....

I seriously considered trying for a second when my first was 2 months old because I loved it that much. I'm glad I held off for a year though because toddlers were such hard work.

I think it's easy to think it must be rose tinted specs, but actually I think it's just that some people enjoy it more than others.

Exhausting. Breastfeeding was a nightmare and I gave up after a month, my health visitor was most disapproving of my decision and made me feel inadequate. DD1 never slept through the night till she was 3. I was surrounded by friends whose babies slept through from about 6 weeks. I felt a failure.

Oh mine are almost grown ups now and I still remember it with horror when I hear a crying baby. But I also know women who have loved having a baby to care for.

I hated being pregnant, had HG and suffered with crippling pre-natal anxiety and depression...so once DS was in the world I felt AMAZING . I had an ELCS and that was fab too. Just got to lie in bed cuddling my baby while people brought me stuff. Good times. I thought the teeny newborn phase was tedious AF, and found breastfeeding pretty grim, but other than that I really enjoyed it. I went back to work after 5 months though, so didn't have time to lose my sense of self or anything. If anything having DS gave me a much stronger sense of self than I had before.

HOWEVER, I was really lucky that DS, despite being a nightmare to gestate, was the easiest baby. Loved his sleep at night and was going long stretches from a few weeks old, so I was never totally knackered. He was a summer baby and used to prefer to nap on the move, so I'd stick him in the pram or the sling and go on lovely long strolls around the city, have coffees with friends, go to museums etc. He was my little adventure buddy and we had so much fun. I never did baby class or anything - just took him everywhere with me because he was so chilled out.

Even when Covid hit when he was 9 months old, he was a delight, and by that point I'd made some mum friends, so we used to Zoom and then when it got warm, go to the park together every morning and have coffee and croissants.

Horrible. He was covered in eczema so was constantly clawing at his skin and trying to rip it off. He couldn’t sleep properly due to his itchy skin. He has sooo many allergies and food intolerances. The dermatology appointment took long due to covid so I had to watch him suffer every single day. I can’t talk about how this has impacted my mental health to anyone.

The first 12 months are just awful. IMO, the first 2 years is a total shit show. They get better after that. I do really hate babies though.

Horrible. 1+ was far better

Absolutely loved it. Being a mother felt so natural to me, as soon as I held my first I felt capable and never worried or doubted myself.

Horrendous. He just cried and cried and cried for hours at a time. Nothing soothed him, boob, buggy, rocking, fresh air. Nothing. Didn’t sleep either so I never got more than an hour’s sleep in a row. Cried whenever I lay him down. Cried if someone came to the house, cried if we left the house. Just cried. He’s lovely now but sometimes now when is we a baby it sends my adrenaline up. I never really think they’re that cute coz I just imagine them crying. Weirdly went on to have a second baby who wasn’t quite so hard but still cried every day at 5pm exactly. For a couple of hours. They’re both lovely now but I do not ever ever ever want a baby again.