How did you find the first twelve months of being a parent?

[Whatagrapefruit156]

Curious to find out what everyone’s experience was.

*when I see a baby…

Extremely hard.

Tedious at times, life draining (still can be at times if it's been a bad night of sleep)

Physically draining, I had a snacker and she would be on and off the breast up to 24 times a day for 10/15 mins each time (she was a snacker for a long time but at around 9/10 months she cut right down to 4 feeds and by 12m just 3. Now at 18m just one in the morning as she enjoys it and doesn't seem to want to stop!)

In the first 4 weeks I thought the sheer pain of breastfeeding would cause me to suffer a mh breakdown, worse than birth as it just goes on and on, I used to dread each feed and considering they were every 45-60 mins that's a lot of dread in a day! (After 6 weeks breastfeeding was so much bloody easier, really enjoyable and lovely, lots of cuddle time and seeing their face smushed against you is sweet)

Stressful as I questioned myself on every aspect of parenting (settled into it now I'm past the whirlwind of regressions, naps, weaning, non mobile or learning to walk, tiny baby/baby phase)

Upsetting as my brain stopped working! I felt so stupid for at least 10 months, luckily I had 12 months Mat leave (my brain is back firing now, and I now have a 2nd job and starting retraining this year)

Sad, lonely, felt that friends just didn't get it. Felt like no one cared (I have lovely friends and amazing family and all my relationships are now stronger than ever. I see friends at least once a week, life is easier. The hormones really affected me! I was sad/happy/anxious/scared/overjoyed all in the space of 5 mins sometimes which is really not me. I am very stable in terms of mh/eh usually, it was a lot to adjust to)

Sheer fear, around 3 months I had the realisation that this was my life now for the next however many months - Feed, change, nap, feed, change, nap, and that my freedom was gone. ( 12 months onward I felt like freedom had opened up a lot and now 18/19m it's much easier, mind you DH is very supportive and does neatly equal)

Also DC would cry for 5 hours every evening 5-10pm without fail. Was really demoralising /mind breaking and nothing helped. Miraculously stopped after 6 weeks.

@LittleSnakes snap with the 5pm crying!

Aged 20 years

Also I had a very allergy eczema prone baby so weaning was HORRIFIC. The idea of weaning a 2nd gives me a strong feeling of fear - it wasn't fun just a series of reactions and upset - much better now we know what to avoid and she's older

Mostly hell.

Looking back I think my DS had CMPA. It wasn't diagnosed at the time. It was just grim. I genuinely think I have PTSD!

Still worth it though!

We had a bad sleeper/napper so knackering but amazing in equal measure.

I have DD 6 and DS 3. Both very different as babies and I genuinely believe your first 12 months as a mother depends greatly on luck of the drawer with how baby is. You may be very lucky as have an "easy baby" or you might not... I was not LOL.

I still have anxiety thinking of DD baby year and remember the tears streaming down my face because she would not let us put her down at all, not in a pram, not a cot nothing.. and when you're told your baby has a huge risk of SID if it's not asleep on its back or you fall asleep with it etc I would be up holding her all through the night just crying from that desperation of wanting to do anything to just lay down and close my eyes.. that was honestly pure torture. There were nice times and I loved her dearly but wow many tears and felt like it lasted forever. She was tongue tied and had silent reflux.

DS number 2 was a much more chilled out baby, as in I could actually put him down and he would stay asleep for 30 mins - 2 hours. But I breastfed him out of pure guilt for number 1 and so I was in pain and exhausted and too hard on myself.. and tired.

I'm not making it sound great but I love them with all my heart, things get so much easier although it feels like a lifetime at the time. We have a lot of fun now. If I was told I'd have a baby that let me transfer and put down without waking and crying and slept for 3 hours at a time I'd have one tomorrow!!

The first in my early 20s a walk in the park, 2nd still very easy , 3rd a lot harder as was more tired with 3 to cope with. 4th I thought what the fuck have I done as I just felt exhausted the first few months. It did get easier but I thought the lack of sleep was going to finish me off.

The best bit was going back to work!

As much as I loved DD one day a week caring for her by myself was enough. Now she is 3 it's totally different. She's brilliant, I love playing with her and I do find I miss her when she's not around.

DS is now 3 weeks old and it's been a very different experience having a newborn again. I'm forgiving myself for a lot of things I thought I'd done wrong first time and shedding the guilt. 💚

I really loved it both times. First time around I did feel the huge weight of responsibility in those first few weeks, but I think that came from not really knowing what I was doing. I’ve like each stage of parenting but looking back, the first 6-12 months with each child always brings back really happy feelings.

Bloody hated it with DD1. She was very cross until she learnt to walk. Didn’t want to be held, didn’t want to be on the floor. Didn’t want to stay at home, hated other people. Rubbish napper, bad sleeper.

Better with DD2 as she is less cross and more sociable. Still a rubbish napper and bad sleeper though.

Give me a stroppy toddler any day!

Mostly really great. The tiredness of the first month was a bit of a shock. (Don't know why, I knew babies didn't sleep!) I also felt very isolated due to lockdown.

The end of the year was even better than the start - around 12 months is a lovely age as they're constantly showing you the new things they've learnt at that point. (Also DD slept through from about 9 months so no more exhaustion!)

Horrible

Bloody hard but got better towards the end. By the time DD was 1, I was enjoying it a lot more. It became more fun and interactive. The first year was so much easier with my 2nd. It went by in the blink of an eye.

First 6 months were fucking horrendous to be honest. But a switch almost flipped and it became much better.

Mixed with DC1 as life completely changed and I was struggling with a bad relationship.

Loved with DC 2 & 3. I knew more what I was getting into and have a much more supportive partner and situation.

All three times I've absolutely loved getting to know this little person, seeing them develop and change etc. There are so many firsts in the first year and they change so rapidly. I loved dressing them up in tiny colourful clothes too. I feel lucky I had realistic expectations about sleep, breastfeeding and didn't encounter any major feeding problems plus didn't feel guilty about cosleeping so I really enjoyed those parts. I'm quite laid back and I think that might be why I didn't find weaning, sleep, normal variation in development etc stressful like a lot of people do.

I will add I was lucky that my babies haven't been very prone to crying. Yes there were days or nights that they cried non stop but could usually put this down to teething or illness, and they were one offs, not constant. Those days were stressful so I could imagine if your baby does cry a lot for whatever reason that would be very difficult. I didn't do anything to get settled babies, it was just luck.

Absolutely loved it. Found the sleep deprivation hard but generally much easier and more enjoyable than people had told me it would be. Lovely to have all that time to really focus on dd and felt it all came quite naturally.

First 12 months with two (20 month gap) was the polar opposite. Incredibly hard. Much, much harder than I anticipated. No time to rest or catch up on sleep. Felt like I was constantly failing one or the other, no space for me as a person and nearly broke my marriage.

First 12 months with DC3; should have been easy as bigger gap. But COVID. And homeschooling. So incredibly tough again as pulled every which way and limited support.

With both dcs, first 4 months was just about survival, then the next 8 months were lovely, although dc2 didn't sleep through until 4 years old, that was a lot tougher than dc1 who slept through at 8 weeks onwards.

@GalactatingGoddess it was awful. I’d dread 5pm coming.

Very difficult. I have a non-sleeper so I spent most of the first two years with broken sleep. It nearly ended my relationship and our relationship has taken a long time to get back on track.

I enjoyed the first 6-9 months but after that we were absolutely broke and I was bored of doing the same things every week and having to spend a lot of my time alone - because my antenatal friends had gone back to work and my DP was working 7 days a week to keep us afloat.

Oh also, my DD basically cried for hours on end every day for the first 8 weeks of her life and that really dented my confidence. I was basically terrified of taking her out for a while because i couldn't calm her down once she kicked off.

@GalactatingGoddess

Also DC would cry for 5 hours every evening 5-10pm without fail. Was really demoralising /mind breaking and nothing helped. Miraculously stopped after 6 weeks.

We had this although it started a bit earlier in the day and lasted longer. It was hideous.