Is it normal to feel a bit jealous of your kids?

[ElfinsMum]

My eldest DD is now 11. I keep catching myself feeling rather jealous of her enjoyable life. For example, this morning she went to the beach with family friends and they went paddle boarding and snorkeling (we live in Aus). I stayed at home and did childcare / cleaning because DS is isolating.

Overall, her life revolves around friends, sport, entertaining her baby sister when she feels like it, and having an absolutely awesome last year at primary school. My life is 4 days per week at work doing a job that no one would love but I need to do to pay for her high school fees, an average marriage and domestic/childcare drudgery.

Maybe my mum felt exactly the same when I was 11?? Maybe DD1 will be me in 30 years?!

Anyone prepared to admit they felt like this and found a way to kick it?

I agree with a previous poster. It’s not really normal to be jealous of your children… but I don’t know if that is really what you mean. It is totally normal to sometimes (often!) mourn your pre-kid lifestyle. It’s a beautiful day where I am - not so long ago my partner and I would probably have gone out for a nice walk at the beach and then maybe had some cheeky afternoon cocktails. But right now I’m sitting feeding my daughter having not yet managed to have a shower! Having kids is wonderful but also sometimes a bit boring and obviously you just don’t have the freedom you used to. So I think what you’re feeling is pretty standard even if the way you expressed it is not. I’m sure you don’t actually begrudge your daughter her fun day out!

I don't have children but I had a difficult childhood (not my parents fault) and I sometimes feel like this when adult friends talk about their childhood or even younger family members who weren't touched by what made my childhood and early teens difficult. It's not that you want to take away what they had/have, it's just you really wish you had it too.
It's definitely worse when the present day isn't great because it's harder to remember the great days in your own life then.
Your right, try to create some fun with your DH in your life. Your thoughts are less likely to go to what you've missed if your happy in the now.

I don't think that's normal. I get joy from my kids doing nice stuff and my childhood was pretty tough.

@arethereanyleftatall I am very happy here in Australia, we originally came with work but stay because I love it.

I have raised young kids in Scotland and in Australia as there are quite big gaps between my three. Obviously, people are lovely everywhere but the climate does make it a lot easier to live outdoors here, e.g. my eldest went outside for around half an hour each morning at playgroup, they had to line up to get their coats (and sometimes salapets and boots) on. My son and toddler's playgroup is completely outside in the shade of the verandah and several mature trees.

Comparison is the thief of joy however and DH and I are trying to stop playing the UK v Aus game as far as possible.

@ElfinsMum

But I can't say that "nostalgic" is quite accurate either. Can you be nostalgic for the idea of a childhood you didn't really have...?
^^^
From your update this make more sense.
Yes , I wished I'd had the unconditional love , the encouragement and absolute pride in all my abilities and achievements, that I give all my kids , that I didn't as a child.
It wasn't all bad but it's took me an age to listen to my gut instinct (which had always been very good).
So time to you happy OP.
Happy mum - happy children.

I am wondering if you are grieving the childhood you never had. It can also be hard to allow yourself to be happy sometimes, almost as if you think you do not deserve it. I fell like that sometimes. Like I have to give myself permission to be happy, if that makes sense.

I would say- yes. Go out and seek something for you that makes you happy. And do absolutely acknowledge yourself and DH for consciously making really huge steps into giving your children a wonderful life. They are very lucky to have those opportunities.

@SpringLobelia

I am wondering if you are grieving the childhood you never had. It can also be hard to allow yourself to be happy sometimes, almost as if you think you do not deserve it. I fell like that sometimes. Like I have to give myself permission to be happy, if that makes sense.

I would say- yes. Go out and seek something for you that makes you happy. And do absolutely acknowledge yourself and DH for consciously making really huge steps into giving your children a wonderful life. They are very lucky to have those opportunities.

Grieving for the childhood you never had

Is the perfect way of putting it I think.