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Original poster

Do you think it's possible to have kids without it interfering with how you live your life?

87 replies

blackpoolhouse · 23/03/2022 18:59

Having become a mum 6 months ago I left my LO for the first time last night for a dinner with some friends.

It felt both good and also odd. A lot of other mum friends leave their babies all the time for things at least once a week to have recharge time.

I feel I am the other end of the spectrum! What is the right balance?

When you had kids how did you let this affect your life? Were you happy to adjust to their needs?

Can you have kids without them interfering in what you want to do? For example holidays, dinners out, events etc.

How often did you leave them to begin with? If at all?

How did you manage?

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JustWonderingIfYou · 23/03/2022 19:07

Of course you can if you have full time childcare and feel happy to leave them.

6 months is still very young. Not sure I'd left mine for more than a couple for hours at that age. Completely different as they get older. I wouldn't leave them too long or too regularly though as I enjoy spending time with them.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/03/2022 19:11

Depends what your life was like before.

Dh and I share everything 50/50 and we both have nights out/away/trips away without the dcs fairly regularly.

but of course we had to factor the kids in and of course our life has had to change because of them. It's not possible to have humans who you are solely responsible for and not have to factor them in.

So we now:-
Require a babysitter for a night out together
Require the other one to be around if we arrange a nught out with friends
Same again for trips away
Holidays now have am element of child friendliness about them
Ditto restaurants and days out
I spend time in places I meter would go child free (eg soft play, the shallow pool, kids films at cinemas etc)

Of course the things you do and how you do them changes when you have kids.

A580Hojas · 23/03/2022 19:14

Well it depends if you breast or bottle feed and if you have someone completely trustworthy to take care of a small baby on hand.

My life changed a lot when I had children as I breast fed, my dh worked long hours in shifts with not much of a set pattern, and no loving grandparents nearby. Or Nanny.

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Nelliephant1 · 23/03/2022 19:24

I never, ever left my children overnight and would never do that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/03/2022 19:28

It would be bloody sad if you had children and they didn't affect your life!

FWIW I think a lot depends on the child. DD is very adventurous, tough and stoic. Which means we can go to pretty exciting places on holiday and she loves it. A slow-approach child who struggled with transition wouldn't be the same.

Going out... it's a mixed bag. DD was pretty dreadful until about 3. So we either didn't go, went somewhere kid friendly or very rarely had help. We don't live near family so that's not an option.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/03/2022 19:28

@Nelliephant1

I never, ever left my children overnight and would never do that.
What, ever? Like at 14 with grandparents?
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/03/2022 19:29

Of course they affect your life and it would be weird if they didn’t/ but it’s like all change, it’s a diff kind of life. Can still see your friends though.

IncompleteSenten · 23/03/2022 19:31

If having children doesn't affect your life in any way that means you're probably a shit parent.

Instead of just getting ready and going out, you have to make arrangements for childcare.
Instead of leaving the bleach open, you have to make sure it's closed.
I could go on all night 😁 but having a child changes the way you go about practically everything

SexiestDogWalker · 23/03/2022 19:37

Only if you either currently live your life like you've got kids or you plan on 24/7 paid childcare

Lazypuppy · 23/03/2022 19:38

Dd fitted into our life for the most part. Yes you have to tweak some things but we carried on going round to frienda housea each weekend for takeaways/gamea nights etc from when dd was about 3 weeks old, babies are so portable! Left her with family for a few houra here and there from 6 weeks while i went to the gym/swim etc, and first time over night at 8 weeks old, and then pretty regular.

We've always liked to go out for dinner or takeaways with friends and DD just came with us.

DD stays at grandparents about once a month, for their relationship and so we can have date nights etc.

nocoolnamesleft · 23/03/2022 19:38

I didn't want having kids to affect my life. So I didn't have kids. Having children bloody well should affect your life. They're too important not to.

WimpoleHat · 23/03/2022 19:41

It would be bloody sad if you had children and they didn't affect your life!

I agree. Where if works best (I think) is where you get to do things with your kids that you all enjoy. (Easier with slightly older kids, obviously!)

RichTeaRichTea · 23/03/2022 19:47

I don’t really understand the question. Obviously having children changed how I live my life. Tbh nights out and things like that are neither here nor there, those can be arranged if you have the money and/or someone to ask to babysit. The more dramatic change is not being able to just leave the house on my own and at the drop of a hat. Making sure there are meals when they are hungry, even if I don’t feel like it. That kind of daily stuff.

birdglasspen · 23/03/2022 19:48

My life felt boring and empty by the time I had my kids, I’d done the going out drinking, partying with friends till all hours, it was growing old. I wanted little people to care for and watch grow and share things with. So yes my life pre children and after children are totally different but that’s what I wanted!

RichTeaRichTea · 23/03/2022 19:49

I mean, I knew those things would change, certainly while the children were small, I’m not moaning about it. But day-in day-out stuff was a much bigger change from my POV than how much I went out for dinner.

hellcatspangle · 23/03/2022 19:50

No.

Enzbear · 23/03/2022 19:52

Yes it affects your lives in many ways, mostly good in our case thankfully.
If you want to have a different kind of life before dc or when they are grown up or both then you can choose to only have one or two, close together in age etc. Twins are also good for this, I am told but obviously not a choice for many.
Dh and I had five years travelling and partying before establishing our careers, buying a house then marriage and family.
Then about 20 odd years family stuff before they all seemed to move on. We very much enjoyed this time, had regular nights out separately and together but emphasis was on the dc.
Now we are enjoying our time again holidays, socialising, hobbies, work part time.
People our age who went on to have large families, big age gaps have still got years to go.

GrandRapids · 23/03/2022 19:53

No I don't think it's possible! At least it hasn't been for me, it completely changed my life. Probably would have been different if we'd had more family support.

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 23/03/2022 19:56

Breast fed, DC wouldn’t take a bottle ( so not apart for first six months) , no capable family nearby and then carer for elderly relatives( one with dementia), both worked full-time, had mumps when DC was two and it took two years to recover in terms of energy-levels. So no, very rarely left her with sitters as she was in childcare every day and have never had the desire or opportunity for her to stay overnight elsewhere. It turned out she was autistic so no sleepovers, friendships or residential/ school trips. I have very rarely spent a night away from her that wasn't connected to caring for the elderly relatives and their deaths. I have not particularly desired this , and now, with her autism and co-morbid conditions, it’s not something that I want to do.

GalactatingGoddess · 23/03/2022 20:04

Having children SHOULD change your life. Children are one of the biggest commitments you make in your life, and so they have to have an impact!

I find it sad when you see some posters on other threads indicate that children should just slot completely into your life. That may work but surely only for those who have childcare available readily? Otherwise every decision you make has to have your child's well-being in mind.

It was a big adjustment for me to have a child, I love hours of quiet time and I really enjoy not being needed and being able to just relax, so to adjust to that was a shock!

Hawkins001 · 23/03/2022 20:07

I guess if you can pay for a nanny and live in babysitter

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 23/03/2022 20:22

No. It is absolutely not possible. Your own life goes onto the back burner for 18 years at least. You finally emerge, a peri menopausal wreck (in my experience. ) I'm not joking.

BeeDavis · 23/03/2022 20:23

My little boy is 6 months old, he’s had 3/4 sleepovers with grandparents so me and my partner could have a night out together. We’ve both been on nights out with friends. I did my Christmas food shop on my own which was absolute bliss as I left him with my mum! 😂 Maybe it should affect me more leaving him but I know he’s well looked after when he’s with grandparents and he’s building a great bond with them!

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/03/2022 20:25

No, I don’t think so. Ours changed completely, which is what we expected when we decided to have children.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/03/2022 20:26

Interfering is an odd word, too.