Do you think it's possible to have kids without it interfering with how you live your life?

[blackpoolhouse]

Having become a mum 6 months ago I left my LO for the first time last night for a dinner with some friends.

It felt both good and also odd. A lot of other mum friends leave their babies all the time for things at least once a week to have recharge time.

I feel I am the other end of the spectrum! What is the right balance?

When you had kids how did you let this affect your life? Were you happy to adjust to their needs?

Can you have kids without them interfering in what you want to do? For example holidays, dinners out, events etc.

How often did you leave them to begin with? If at all?

How did you manage?

Kids are supposed to change your life. You're responsible for small humans so can't just go out and do whatever when you feel like it unless you have a nanny 24/7 I guess, in which case what was the point in having kids?

Oh I completely disagree with the “why have kids if you have a nanny 24/7” thing. If you could afford it then you might well pay for an extra pair of hands about the place even if you were doing a lot of hands-on care yourself and spending a lot of time with the children.

@Nelliephant1

I never, ever left my children overnight and would never do that.

What even at like 12 or 13?

Odd.

If you don't want your life to change, don't have children.

A lot of people do, as can be seen by the poor parenting we all see. "Having kids won't change my life" - well it bloody well should.

Not entirely no, and i think it would be weird if they didnt effect your life!

I think its also dependant on what kind of child you have, what kind of parent you are and what support you have in place.

My friend has an 'easy' baby who sleeps 12 hour a night in her own cot in her own room, and she has her mum nearby for regular childcare so shes always been able to have alot of time for her own needs.

I have a velcro baby who has only ever been able to co sleep and no family nearby, therefore a night away from her atm would be a no. We do utilise the time shes at nursery for dates and being back at work certainly helps.

What do you mean by holidays conductive to baby though? Obviously having children should change your life but I find your posts a bit confusing, actually some babies are very flexible (much more so than toddlers or small children) so you can do things you like and bring them along. Within reason. I wouldn’t take a baby clubbing in Ibiza but I think it is important to maintain a sense of who you were before kids. We love camping and have taken our little one camping since he was 8 months old, he loves it, he came up mountains with us in a sling (safely, we weren’t scaling the north face of the Eiger) is that the sort of thing you would think of as not considering your baby’s needs because it’s something I enjoy?!

You can to an extent. What you can't do is be spontaneous. A mate can't call you at 6pm and ask you to join them for a night out. You can't think 'hey those easyJet flights to Morocco are just £20 let's go this weekend'. You can't even go out to lunch on the spur of the moment without packing a nappy bag, snacks, change of clothes for the baby and figuring out if a pushchair will be allowed and how the baby will nap or be if they miss it. But with a bit of planning and a fairly 'go with the flow' attitude one child is possible to do most things. When they hit 18 months to two years they are no longer happy to just coo away they need serious entertainment- I clearly remember the last trip to a café with my husband that had just the week before been enjoyable then suddenly we had a cranky bored toddler demanding our attention.
Two though - that quadruples the effect of one.

People do things differently. Some people go back to work full time and have babies or toddlers in childcare 8-6, 5 days a week, and then get them into bed at 7pm, and then complain about them on their days off, and book holidays without them...
Some have parents living nearby who babysit often.
But many many of us just get on with it. My husband and I have had about 3 or 4 meals out without kids in the last 8 years. We just don't have people who can babysit, and can't justify the expense and hassle of a sitter.
So our lives have changed, but that was what we wanted.

"I guess my next question is what motivates some people to want to keep doing what they were doing rather than look after their own kids?"

I think that's a bit rough, just because say a couple go out for a meal, like they previously would have, doesn't mean they haven't adapted their lives to accommodate the needs of their child.

Of course having a child will dramatically change your life, surely that's the main reason to have a child but just because you know people who go out for a night out does not make them any less of a parent, likewise Just because you have chosen not to leave your child doesn't make you a better parent.

Once you have a child you are responsible for their welfare so yes that changes your life. When you're with them you need to ensure their well-being. When you're not with them you need to organise another person to ensure their well-being, possibly pay them, and definitely oversee them. When you think about doing anything at all especially in the early days you're not just thinking about what you're doing but also what your child is doing.

So I don't think it's possible to have a child and your life stay the same.

However in your recent posts OP you mention specific scenarios like holidays and adult socialising. Ime you can do both but the same caveats apply - you have to consider your child and the practicalities involved. Eg if you take your child to places can you ensure safety and comfort, if you don't take your child can you ensure the same? Babies are actually pretty good in that you can cart them around, they don't talk or understand adult conversation/telly etc and they sleep a fair bit. Toddlers restrict you more I find. Once they're at school you're restricted by that, same as with childcare - picking your kid up on time is non negotiable and they need childcare for fecking years.

It's still early days for you really, things are less buttoned down at this stage and you're finding your way. As long as your baby is safe and happy you're grand and you've got more wiggle room than you might think.

Lucky never felt the need. Although neither of them returned the favour having both buggered off without a backward glance to Uni in another country lol.
Every day away from them was a day less, that’s how we felt and still do.