Can’t play with sons because I’m the mum

[FeelingDizzy123]

DS1 and DS2 are still young but my husband keeps making continuous jokes to me about how I can’t play with them and how they won’t want to play with me when they are older because I am a ‘girl’. It is upsetting me. I’m being stupid aren’t I? Or maybe they really will want to play with only Daddy and I will be singled out the whole time and need to learn to live with that?

@Thatsplentyjack

Well its not you who sounds stupid. Why does he think you can't play cars, or ball games or any kind of games because you have a vagina?

Loooool.... love it :)

I’m actually going to spend the next week writing notes on anything he says which is disrespectful/hurtful and then bring it all up in a conversation at the end of the week. No way am I bringing my boys up to think like that!!!!!

Oh my god, do not do this. Just respond to it at the time.

Regardless of how poor the behaviour is, having it all presented in a weekly chat “here’s a list of all the shit stuff you said” is never going to lead to a good conversation.

Not sure why you broached any of this with an angry tone. An adult discussion shouldn’t need that.

@HardbackWriter

Please challenge this. The world really doesn't need two more little boys growing up with the message that girls are inferior.

100%. You need to have a conversation with him about this. It’s not ok.

@HardbackWriter

Please challenge this. The world really doesn't need two more little boys growing up with the message that girls are inferior.

Exactly. Plus last time I checked I had XX chromosomes and I play with my ten year old DS all the time.

In my experience with small children they’ll tell you you’re doing it wrong anyway. No matter that I’ve been pushing toy cars around saying ‘broooom broooom’ since long before their parents met, I’ve never met a small child who didn’t feel the need to patiently correct me for my uselessness 😂

You actually married this ignorant arsehole?

Has he noticed the women play football and rugby, very successfully?

He sounds peachy 🙄 do you think he's jealous of your relationship with them? Do they currently prefer your company?

"I was thinking this! If we had 2 DD instead of 2 DS does that mean he couldn’t play with them?!"

If you had a daughter he would not play with her, no.

Did you realise he was this much of a bell end before now?

Weird, I’m a single mum and I play games with my sons, didn’t know I wasn’t suppose to 🤔

Your husband is an asshole and talking sexist crap.

DS only ever wants to play cars and trains with me because I’m apparently better at it (ie I throw myself into it a bit more) 🤷‍♀️

I also take him to rugby and swimming, not DH. And go for bike rides with him etc. Though DH does other stuff like art and Lego.

I think he's jealous that you are already closely bonded with your boys (it's almost inevitable that they'll be more attached to you than him while they're very little) and so he's trying to make out there's a barrier between you

Be really careful OP. To me this is more than stupidity - it's coming across as if he's envious of how important you are to your children and is trying to deliberately push you to one side. Mind you don't end up being treated as merely the baby making machine and the parent who does all the boring shit, while he swoops in and does all the fun stuff while simultaneously undermining you!

He does know that girls also play with cars and trains, play football etc. does he feel that captain of the woman’s football team is unable to play football with her son. It is frankly ridiculous. I have 2 ds and have managed to play just fine with both of them, ball games, board games, outdoor stuff like swimming, cars, trains (infact got quite good at track building!). My DH plays the same with them and guess what sometimes we all do an activity together!! If my DH ever said to me or to them that I could not do something as a woman I would be disappointed and furious.

I was a single parent when my son was little, we played all the time. Especially Pokémon and Lego. We played video games together.

Your husband is talking crap.

@FeelingDizzy123

Both DS1 and DS2 are both very young still, so he is being generic about car games, ball games, indoor games, outdoor games… whatever boys want to play, games! “They won’t want to play with you because you are a girl and so don’t know how to play cars properly” and so on… random things like that being said very often and I’m just wondering if I should be preparing myself to be left out.

As long as you want to play with them, you will be fine. They have no problem with playing cars, trains anything with mom or dad. They just want your time and undivided attention.

What an odd thing to say. My DS is very into trains and tractors and he prefers playing with me because i'm better at understanding his scenarios (spoiler: it's usually a landslide or similar disaster).

He also loves playing shops and simple Orchard games. He likes doing jigsaws, looking for bugs in the garden, doing books with maze puzzles in , building with blocks. None of these require a man's input

@FeelingDizzy123

Both DS1 and DS2 are both very young still, so he is being generic about car games, ball games, indoor games, outdoor games… whatever boys want to play, games! “They won’t want to play with you because you are a girl and so don’t know how to play cars properly” and so on… random things like that being said very often and I’m just wondering if I should be preparing myself to be left out.

Is your husband 5 years old ? What an idiot.

I mean,

What’s that well known phrase used for sons? Mummy’s boy or daddy’s boy? I think your husbands is twat.

Don’t LTB though, you’ll want to rub it in his face when the boys think he’s a grumpy old fart and want to play with you.

@FeelingDizzy123

He’s apologising and saying that he understands where I am coming from. I don’t plan to drop it though. I’m actually going to spend the next week writing notes on anything he says which is disrespectful/hurtful and then bring it all up in a conversation at the end of the week. No way am I bringing my boys up to think like that!!!!!

Good for you OP. Don't let him get away with this misogynistic rubbish.

I think tour approach of writing it all down is great. Not so easy for him dismiss it or brush it off.

Has he always been a misogynist it is it only showing now?

Agree with everyone else. What kind of games? If you play a game with your penis, then you can't play, but any other game that you don't use your genitalia for?? You'll be just fine.

Good idea to watch out for other misogynistic comments and talk to him about them.

Rubbish, both mine still come out walking, cycling and running with me, they are 16 and 20, as well as shopping, cinema, eating out, the 3 of us are going away for a week in the summer, l will be on water slides alongside them and swimming in the sea, having boys keeps you really fit and healthy, we don't have a TV, and are always out. My eldest son was only saying yesterday lovely memories he has when younger playing over country parks, visiting farms and zoos etc , honestly OP don't listen to your husband, you' ve got it all to come.

Your husband is a sexist arse.

I wonder how he behaves towards female colleagues.

You are right to be concerned about this- one on level he is being mean and childish - but on another level he is teaching. Them women aren’t as good as men. They will get that message though our life but don’t need to get it at home.

I am always amazed that girls are praised for playing with boys toys, but boys are brought up to reject anything girly - like it’s beneath them. I don’t think it will ever change

He's sexist and misogynistic. I worry if your sons grow up with him around they will also become sexist and misogynistic. This is completely unacceptable.

I assume you drive and see cars daily so know how cars work. I only have daughters but both myself and my husband play cars with them with equal success. We also both watched my older daughters football training and we both helped her change her dolls' outfits.

My husband makes sure to draw my older daughter's attention to women working in science and engineering.