Can’t play with sons because I’m the mum

[FeelingDizzy123]

DS1 and DS2 are still young but my husband keeps making continuous jokes to me about how I can’t play with them and how they won’t want to play with me when they are older because I am a ‘girl’. It is upsetting me. I’m being stupid aren’t I? Or maybe they really will want to play with only Daddy and I will be singled out the whole time and need to learn to live with that?

You are sounding very defeatist already OP.
You don’t have to prepare for you to be left out because you won’t allow that to happen I’m sure.
Don’t let him take over as the fun parent and you just being there to housekeep for them all.
I done everything my husband done with my boys, actually, probably more than him.
He’s being an arse and you should tell him to stop that masoganistic talk right now.

I have zero tolerance for this sort of attitude around my children, to be honest. I dumped a man for saying 'that's a girl's toy' when I bought my DS a play kitchen. It was the final straw

There's just no need to be like this.

I have a 5 yr old and I am his favourite person to play with. Not all boys just want to play cars. We spend hours role playing or playing with dinosaurs/Lego. I enjoy it and put more into it that DH who hates that sort of play. He's way better at outdoor play and exploration, cooking and making things.
DS doesnt see me as a girl anyways, I'm a mummy which is completely different.

I know!! I’m raising it with him now. Although in a very angry tone whilst DS1 and DS2 aren’t around. I am glad I’m not the only one who finds it unacceptable - I’m certainly no push over. I can assure you he is now very much aware that I will be throwing cars, balls and rocks at his head (and other delicate areas) before I stop playing with them with my sons!

If your husband constantly signals that your sons shouldn't play with you then yes, there's a reasonable chance you will end up being sidelined. So tell him to STFU, and make sure he knows you are serious.

He's an idiot - no disrespect, but he is. I've got three boys and he's talking nonsense.

He needs to drop the attitude, it's not funny and it's not clever. Unfortunately it's something your sons may pick up on in terms of their attitude to girls etc. We can do with less of that sort of thinking it's very unpleasant.

@Luredbyapomegranate

Erm - well the only reason you need to be preparing to be left out is because you are married to a woman hating tosser who seems to be intent on turning your sons against you.

He’s already convinced you that you’re stupid, so I’m sure he’ll have your sons thinking that too,

This isn’t normal Op. at all

Either LTB, or tell him he’s a sexist fuck and needs to mend his ways or he’s out.

This, in spades.

Seriously OP, you need to make him understand that this is completely unacceptable, and serious.

Does he keep calling you a girl? When presumably you're a fully grown adult woman? Urgh. What a disgusting pig of a man and I'm sorry you're married to him.

My boys think I'm great because I can do push ups with them on my back!

how odd. how does he think you play with toy cars, push them around with your penis??

He's a massive misogynist twat.

He has damaging beliefs about girls and women.

He’s apologising and saying that he understands where I am coming from. I don’t plan to drop it though. I’m actually going to spend the next week writing notes on anything he says which is disrespectful/hurtful and then bring it all up in a conversation at the end of the week. No way am I bringing my boys up to think like that!!!!!

He needs reminding you gestated these children and nurtured them. You aren’t going to stop playing with them because of your biology. You don’t need to be “a boy’ to play with cars or trains. They are non sexed inanimate objects.

Is he trying to alienate you from your own babies?

I mean my DS are still young at 4 and 8 but I have never struggled to play with them, not at all.

Your DH never saw the awesome brio tracks that I used to construct for my 2 DS's then. He is ridiculous

I’m being stupid aren’t I?

It's not stupid to notice that your 'D'H is a bit of a misogynist. It's sad, but not stupid.

Can you talk to him about how this makes you feel, even how he is perpetuating the patriarchy?

@FeelingDizzy123

Both DS1 and DS2 are both very young still, so he is being generic about car games, ball games, indoor games, outdoor games… whatever boys want to play, games! “They won’t want to play with you because you are a girl and so don’t know how to play cars properly” and so on… random things like that being said very often and I’m just wondering if I should be preparing myself to be left out.

Tell him it doesn't matter, because you'll be playing cooking and dolls with them, and teaching them to knit.

He sounds extremely narrow minded. You are not being silly, sadly.

Oh gosh, he’ll be the twat dad in the toy shop saying “you can’t buy that, it’s for girls” every time they look at something vaguely pink or purple won’t he 🙄

I have two daughters. This weekend, we’ve mostly played football, plus today I spent two hours playing with toy trains. My eldest daughter says I play trains better than daddy because my “imagining is better”.

Gender has nothing to do with it. Part of being a loving parent is just finding interest and enthusiasm about whatever it is your kids are into

But what if they want to play something that's not on his boy list? Does that mean they can't or will that fall to you?
Who is going to teach them to cook, wash their clothes, run a home?
This is genuinely the most ridiculous thing of him to say.... unless he's a premier league football coach and he's talking avkir football or some other thing he has special training in and you don't he is basically talking out of his arse.

So when one of his sons wants to learn to make bread, cook, knit and wants a sewing machine for xmas what will he do😱 my youngest of three sons did all these things as well as pokeman, lego, video games, basketball and swimming🤦

Kids don't usually want to do what you have planned out for them anyway.
They aren't his mini-me's to mould into his image.

He sounds like a horrible influence on your boys. I have 2 boys, I will always play games with them. This really isn't going to get any better, he needs a full attitude overhaul.

misogynistic twat. I have played with my sons all their lives, and they have loved it, building towers of blocks, lego, craft, gaming. These days I dungeon master for their D&D games and their friends are is awe (their dad wouldn't have a clue how to DM).

I once had advice to ask 'do you think that is helpful to say to me?' - you could apply similar to your situation. 'Do you think you're setting a good example by saying that?'