Desperate for a baby but stressed that we can’t afford it

[Pondz]

Hey everyone, so this might be a question that is posted regularly on here, I’m not sure, but I would like to explain my situation and ask for some advice from people in similar situations.

I have been desperate for a baby for the past 3 and a half years, but due to living with parents and not having a decent enough income etc we have waited. Me and my partner now live together and I am going to turn 29 in a few months. We have decided that we are ready now and agreed to start trying next year.

I have looked into costs and everything and think we could manage… apart from the cost of childcare! I bring in £1,300 a month and my partner brings in £2,000 a month. The cost of putting a child in childcare looks to be around £900-£1000 and I have been really heartbroken to realise that we may not physically have the money for that.

For context, we live in Manchester and these are our bills:
Mortgage: £650
Council tax: £150
Gas and electric: £160
Water: £50
Wifi: £18
Home insurance: £20
Life insurance: £50
Credit card: minimum £30
Car insurance: £150
Car loan: £200
Pet insurance: £70 (dog is 11 years old that’s why it’s so high now)
Phone bills combined: £70
I don’t drive so my commute expenses: £80

So that comes to just under £1,700 then we also have a shared Spotify, Amazon prime (that’s all we use for tv) and food shopping which is roughly an extra £250 so £1,950

That leaves us with £1,350 left for the month which is brill. But then if we spend £1000 of that on childcare that only gives us £350 left for the whole month. I based those bills off what we spend now, when we have a baby of course those will get higher because we will need nappies, baby clothes, baby food etc. Is £350 going to be enough, because also there’s all those little things that you forget about like hair cuts and dentist visits and what if the car breaks? Spending £1000 on childcare means we don’t have enough money to put any away into savings for emergencies

Based on your own experience, would we manage on this? Does anyone have similar income to outgoings that could offer your experience and advice?

You will get child allowance to cover nappies etc

In terms if money and security please make sure you are married before having a baby as you have much greater legal protection. Just do a simple registry office. You can always throw a party afterwards (or see if your family will host it). A single.mother with no legal recourse can be in dire financial straits.

OK, well, there are steps to go through to see if the childcare costs can be reduced/better accommodated.

First off, run your figures through an online benefit calculator. Complete it as if the baby is here and you pay 1k pm childcare. See if it spits out any figures.

Next, both of you look into whether it's possible to reduce or compact your hours. If you both condense full time hours into 4 days, then stagger the day off, this reduces childcare needed to 3 full days.

Also cost up whether each of you working part time (80% of current hours) vs the now cheaper 3 day childcare puts you in a better position.

Then, go back and do more childcare cost research. 900-1000 sounds like nursery. Have you priced a Childminder? Shopped around for cheaper nurseries?

Also factor in tax free childcare and do some research on it. My understanding is that for every 80p you funnel into tax free childcare (direct from salary), to government adds 20p. You can both do this. Please research it as my figures are guesstimate.

In the meantime, save. Seriously, put as much away as possible every month from now. live frugally. Channel it into a childcare pot.

There's never a "right" time to afford a child. Bit there are workarounds to ease the pain of excessive childcare costs

There's a tax free childcare scheme where basically you pay in 80% of the childcare fees and the government tops up the other 20%. That saves you about £200 a month.

And don't forget - childcare costs are only temporary. The school term after they turn 3 if you're both still working you'll get 30 free hours a week, which is basically 3 full days.

Oh and child benefit is like £20 a week so that's an extra £80 a month.

Save a lot now.

If you have £1,350 disposable income every month you can amass a big amount if savings pretty quickly.

What’s your maternity pay like? Will you earn more soon - promotions etc for either of you? What’s your career progression like?

Credit card: minimum £30
What’s this? If you’re carrying debt, pay it off ASAP.

Car insurance: £150

This must be wrong?

You can get either childcare vouchers or tax-free childcare scheme, which helps towards childcare.

Plus child benefit is £20 a week.

Babies are very cheap. What's not cheap is paying someone to look after them, or the lost wages for one of the parents to do it instead. That's why often the lower earner (usually the woman) goes part-time hours for a few years at least.

Your incomes are higher than most people and they manage. Things are just tight for a while.

Agree with above

• marry before baby
• get rid of cc debt! How much is there?
• why is car insurance so high?

You can cut your phone bill down to £20 if you don't upgrade next time. With the age of your dog you're probably looking at end of life care so the need for insurance starts to become of less value.

Start saving now and you’ll be fine!

What is maternity pay like at your company?

If your overall disposable is £1350 then put away £600 a month now as this still leaves you £750 to enjoy life. You should be able to save this for at least 18 months as you’re not planning on starting to try until next year. If you do this for 18 months and then spread it over 3 years you’ll have an extra £300 a month fun money from when the baby is born until you get funded hours at 3. You may even have another baby before then also.

I've got 3 kids and have never paid anything close to £900 p/m for childcare. I've worked part-time over 2-2.5 days - is this an option for you or your partner? Also, I've always used local childminders at £4-£6 p/h and used childcare vouchers (you could access tax free childcare 80%/20% scheme as noted above as childcare voucher scheme is closed to new entrants).

If you are not trying until next year, you have about 18 months to save up that £1350 that you currently have left over. That's almost £25k. Enough to cover 2 years of childcare.

We have similar incomes (after tax). It's a struggle, but the childcare is only for a couple of years. My son has turned 3 and now we get free hours of childcare which helps a lot (not full time but does help).
It's definitely doable, but consider that you might have to work essentially for nothing for the next couple of years, if you want to keep your career going

As PPs said you get approx £80 in child benefit and up to 2k a year tax relief on nursery, so that is an extra £246 a month. Plus you have 9 months to build a savings buffer.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
@PearPickingPorky
@NoSquirrels so the credit card was for my cat.. i forgot to add his insurance on because we don’t pay that monthly we just pay it in one lump sum because it’s really cheap but he broke his leg and insurance only covered half of it so I had to put the other half on there but I should be able to pay that off quickly. This is why we aren’t going to start trying until next year, to give us time to pay that off and make sure we are ok and good to go (or as much as you can be, as I know there’s no “perfect” time to have a baby)

As for the car insurance this is my partners car as I don’t drive. He is 24 he will be 25 in a few weeks so I think it’s because of his age?

Car insurance comes down by quite a lot at 25

the water bill also seems high. is that on a meter, if not get one.
could your parents help with childcare ?
you know in the past, most people had almost no disposable income and managed to bring up children.
i know things are different now, but few people lived on easy street, and most just had to cope with children when they appeared on the scene.
it's a matter of priorities.

People are completely out of touch if they think £150 per month is high for car insurance.

Welcome to being young!

Yes you should definitely be eligible for tax free childcare and also child benefit so definitely use one of the online calculators or speak to someone like the citizens advice bureau.

Childcare costs are a big hit for most people - the way I look at it is if it is doable for a couple of years then you’ll feel pretty flush once they have access to free hours/are at school.

Meantime save like crazy if you can in advance of going on maternity leave.

why don't you drive.
could your parents teach you. it will give you more options, re jobs etc.
and can't you get cheaper phone contracts.
presumably you will nor be renewing the present pets, so that will be a saving too.

there are many sites with money saving tips, on here and moneysavingexpert etc.
see it as a challenge.
definitely it can be done. good luck.

OP i'm a little worried you've ignored the posters who mention getting married, it really is a sensible idea before having children.

As for being able to afford it, you have plenty of time to build up a savings buffer.

A few things to consider

The poster who says save hard now is right. You could have a year maternity leave, low income but no childcare, leaving only 24 months to get through til you get a funded place.

Do either or both of you have the option to change working hours, eg compress into 4 days a week? That means either one or two days less childcare.

And yes do make sure you’re legally protected as the lower earner here.

Thank you so much everyone, I didn’t realise there was so much help out there.

We will definitely be saving as well, we would’ve already done this but we were saving over the past few years for our house deposit and then our disposable income is currently going on doing the house up. Also someone asked why I don’t drive… I was having lessons but then decided to stop because that’s just going to be more expensive isn’t it… more money on petrol, more car insurance, more car loan money or saving to buy one outright, money on the lessons beforehand, money on if it breaks etc. I work hybrid atm so my commute is just one train into Manchester and back three days a week. It would be MUCH easier for me to drive if I have a baby but I feel like it would also add so much more cost, and we are trying to cut costs to be able to afford the baby! So for now it just doesn’t make sense for me to add more outgoings when I’m already worried as it is.

Everyone’s messages have been super helpful, and have been taken onboard. thank you x

Could you save now towards the cost of childcare? What about putting a good chunk of that £1350 aside each month until you are ready to TTC?

I am only going back 2 days a week so much easier to save for, but we have a year's childcare costs in a savings account to give us a head start.

We also saved about 3k to cover clothes, toys, furniture etc and have a good chunk of this left 8m in. Look out on FB marketplace - our pushchair was £80, car seat £30. I got a lovely big pine chest of drawers for £25 which I sanded and painted to match the boy's cot. Drew some pictures which went in plain black frames from b&m. Looks great (imo), cost very little.

Child benefit covers nappies, some extra clothes to bolster what I've got second hand, extra food now he's weaning etc.

We don't have much money really, but we're comfortable and happy.