Should a 6 month-old be requiring 24h attention?

[wednesdaychild80]

For over a month now my 6 month-old baby boy has been unable to be alone for more than 5min (10 if I'm lucky) without starting to scream. It doesn't even look like crying. Starts as groaning, then slowly builds to insane screaming.

When we play with him, or give him direct attention, he's fine and all giggly. He sleeps enough, but scattered. Feeding has been a struggle too, but mostly he behaves.

This is my first baby. I knew a baby would demand a lot of time, but I wasn't expecting I'd need to be (literally) 24h tending to him directly. Is this normal? If not, how to deal with it? My pediatrician just says it's normal, and that he's healthy.

When he was younger he did scream sometimes, but most of the time he'd just be lying/sitting quietly, or just doing cute baby sounds.

I think PPs are missing the fact that OP's baby is 6 months old! You can't put a child that age in front of a screen, what a ridiculous suggestion.

@QforCucumber

I even avoid letting him see the screen of our mobiles and laptops

why?

This is just what we do.. I'm not sure it makes sense (new parent).

Same reason we don't give him sugar.. It's too intense/engaging, will put him off other more nutritious types of food. In the case of screens, it's more likely he'll be bored of books if he sees these amazing screens all the time.

But it's just a guess. I should read more about it. Do you disagree?

I'm replying to some.

But I'd like to thank everyone for their replies, very very helpful!

Talk to him, dosnt matter what you say. Put him in a highchair so he is at your level, couple of stick on toys or finger foods and chatter to him. That way you can atckeast get the kitchen clean and food prepared.

Make the bed by putting him on it as you make it, make a game of it.

Shower, put him in a bouncy chair, bring him into the bathroom, play peekaboo around the shower door.

It also dosnt hurt him to leave him just few minutes, if he is in sight of you, when you just really have to get on with things.

5/10 minutes is about all the attention span a child of that age has before they are bored.

Instead of screens, try music - not just children's music, mine loved marching music and loud rhythmic music.

I'm not pfb at all, I have multiple children - I also wouldn't prop a very small baby up in front of screen to distract/pacify them.
It's going to ruin their attention span and ability to entertain themselves in the long run anyway.

You see babies and toddlers sitting with screens in buggies quite frequently these days, as so many have lost the ability to tolerate even looking at the world going by without constant passive entertainment.

Have you got a jumparoo?

@MangshorJhol

It’s more high needs than most babies. I would do the thing of talking to him in the vicinity without picking him up. So he knows he’s been attended to/getting attention but is not necessarily being carried around. I would also sit on a playmat with some toys, play for a bit and then say ‘Mom will be back’, go away and then come back. Maybe long enough to make a cup of tea. And make a big deal about how you came back. This teaches him through repetition about object permanence and helps with separation anxiety.

(We are a low screen/no screen family as well). Also remember it’s ok for all kids including babies to get a bit bored occasionally and to be grumpy.

Thanks! I do that.. (and other techniques, like leaving the room briefly, mentioned by others)

But he always goes into scream mode eventually.

My only concerns are:

• The screaming is constant, hurts my ears and gives me daily headaches, which in turn makes everything worse.
• Is he suffering? Am I doing something wrong?

If I had perfect noise-cancelling headphones, and knew for sure that he's fine, I'd be happy to leave him be...

@QforCucumber

also but mostly he behaves.

Please change this mindset, he's not behaving/misbehaving. He's not being naughty.

Agree. Thanks for calling me on that! I should have said "mostly he doesn't do any screaming during feedings".

@minipie

My DD1 needed constant attention at that age,

She was ok on her own but only for 5 minutes. Then she got bored (it seemed that way anyway) and I needed to move her somewhere else or play with her. Then after 5 min of that, she needed something different again. She certainly wouldn’t sit and watch me do laundry for 30 min for example no matter how much lively chatting or singing I did. Some babies will but not mine.

The only exceptions were: buggy walks, or Jumperoo which kept her happy for 20 minutes. I loved that Jumperoo so much.

Anyway she got much happier and more independent once she was mobile, able to grab and play with toys and generally entertain herself, though of course I then had to watch her all the time for safety reasons!!

Hang in there OP. Some babies do require a lot of input but in general they get happier and easier as they get older. Until then, jobs have to be done in 5 min bursts or while they are asleep

Wow, that puts my situation in perspective.

Like I said, if I'm interacting with him he's fine. Doing laundry is one of our favorite activities - he loves it.

Dishes, or any kind of laptop work, he doesn't engage. I guess because he can't see what's going on (while with laundry it's very visible).

11 hours sleep in 24 hours doesn't sound like enough? Or is that just his overnight sleep and he has a couple of naps too?

My DS1 was like this at 5 or 6 months but it was overtiredness as he woke every hour or so at night and napped badly. Once I got him sleeping better he was easier to entertain during the day and didn't have to be held by me constantly. Plus I got stuff done while he was napping/got time to myself.

Pretty normal for a first born. Second and subsequent children just don’t get the same attention so seem better at amusing themselves in my experience. Movement does matter too. My first was an early mover and was confidently walking before she was 1. That made a massive different to her ability to entertain myself but gave me many early grey hairs! You’ll do yourself a massive favour if you can get to a point where you can try and stretch out periods of independent play but you might find that tricky until he’s sitting independently.

My username is literally PFB'ing because i have a 6 month old and I know some most of the things I'm doing are unnecessary and naive. But seriously just give yourself a break and let him watch 10 mins of baby focused stuff here and there. There is a YouTube channel called hey bear baby sensory, some nice calming but totally captivating videos on there.
My DD is the same though. Daytime naps have to be in my arms (I've tried over and over to put her down but she won't), gets bored after 5 mins or so of independent day. Shouts if she can't see me directly. It'll pass as they get bigger and I'm sure we will miss the days they wanted us so close

I keep reading that jumparoos aren't good for development... Though haven't researched that much.

Like I said, if I'm interacting with him he's fine. Doing laundry is one of our favorite activities - he loves it.

Dishes, or any kind of laptop work, he doesn't engage. I guess because he can't see what's going on (while with laundry it's very visible).

Your expectations are too high. Just go with it - for now he needs you to be with him and engaging him, so leave the dishes and laptop until nap time or bedtime.

@wednesdaychild80 you can read all the guidelines and tie yourself in knots and be incredibly unhappy following guidelines strictly (eg breastfeeding exclusively, no co sleeping, no screens, no jumperoo or walkers, baby led weaning etc) or you can take a pragmatic approach and do what works for you and is safe. Use of jumperoo for short periods will not harm us development as will use of screens for short periods of time. I would argue having to be constantly entertained by an exhausted mother who hasn’t had a hot cup of coffee all day and will therefore be snappy and knackered (I speak from experience!) would be worse for him!!

@BertieBotts you have just described my life (so reassuring!).

@NoSquirrels - that isn’t possible though. Mine is almost 2 and still the same. He naps maybe 1hr on the move in pram, so can’t get stuff done. And takes 1-2hrs to sleep at night, so it’s 9pm or later ( he’s at the stage where he climbs out of cot and stair gate so can’t just leave him).
So ‘stuff’ has to be done with him about, using causing chaos, or screaming

Just a point to note: the earth doesn’t cave in if their eyes glance at a liquid crystal display.

FYI.

DS didn't need direct attention, he was happy being worn or carried while I did whatever I was doing, as long as there were things happening or to look at. Though, I couldn't watch a film and ignore him if he was awake and not breastfeeding as he'd get bored and need interaction. He didn't like being put down for long until he could crawl, then he changed almost overnight as he could go where he wanted and do what he wanted!

6 months to a year is a tricky time. They've found their voice, they know how to get your attention, they see things they want but cant get, they are aware but cant do anything about it (talk, crawl, walk, boil an egg ). Its a very frustrating age. He needs you to do everything for him. It'll pass.

Agree @FTEngineerM, @wednesdaychild80 as pp have said, a glance at your phone screen - seeing daddy on FaceTime for example will not stop him looking at books. DS1 is almost 6 so our tv is on a LoT with 20 month old Ds2, he still makes me or dh read every one of his books at bedtime. Ds2 was born in June 2020, his only communication with family was FaceTime, he never forgot who nana was because he saw her most days for 10 mins, he still loves his toys and books and is in full time nursery all day with no screens there. I don’t agree with putting them down all day on a screen, but going out of your way to ensure they never see one is making a hard life harder for no reason

Sounds like you were lucky for the first 6 months

Yep, that was my experience of babies. Soz.

Have you only tried one type of sling or position? DS hated lying down from newborn age, I had him upright in a stretchy wrap for 6 months, then sitting in a ring sling on my hip or on my back. He could see what was going on.

I know the jumperoo has been suggested but they really aren’t good for their legs/hips. Yes 15 mins a day is fine but what’s the point in that?