Should a 6 month-old be requiring 24h attention?

[wednesdaychild80]

For over a month now my 6 month-old baby boy has been unable to be alone for more than 5min (10 if I'm lucky) without starting to scream. It doesn't even look like crying. Starts as groaning, then slowly builds to insane screaming.

When we play with him, or give him direct attention, he's fine and all giggly. He sleeps enough, but scattered. Feeding has been a struggle too, but mostly he behaves.

This is my first baby. I knew a baby would demand a lot of time, but I wasn't expecting I'd need to be (literally) 24h tending to him directly. Is this normal? If not, how to deal with it? My pediatrician just says it's normal, and that he's healthy.

When he was younger he did scream sometimes, but most of the time he'd just be lying/sitting quietly, or just doing cute baby sounds.

We found building up the time we'd leave him helped. I can't recommend a Jumperoo or similar highly enough. We'd often put ours in the corner of the kitchen and DS was happy bouncing away for ages

DD was like this. She needed to be constantly entertained by me. It got better as soon as she could walk (13 months) as I think she was bored and as soon as she grab the toys she wanted to she was happy. I had to put her in the high chair with Hey Duggee on the tv for 20 minutes so I could make dinner.
My friends had babies where they could sit them down at 6 months with a toy and go and make a cup of tea and come back 2 minutes later and baby would still be happily playing. I later had DS and he was one of these babies and I couldn’t believe it!

@Heyahun

tbh I just put the telletubbies on for 20 mins and give her a few melty puffs and crack on with a few things - it's the only way I can get lunch sorted!!

Yeah absolutely try this!

You are making your life really difficult!

My DD1 needed constant attention at that age,

She was ok on her own but only for 5 minutes. Then she got bored (it seemed that way anyway) and I needed to move her somewhere else or play with her. Then after 5 min of that, she needed something different again. She certainly wouldn’t sit and watch me do laundry for 30 min for example no matter how much lively chatting or singing I did. Some babies will but not mine.

The only exceptions were: buggy walks, or Jumperoo which kept her happy for 20 minutes. I loved that Jumperoo so much.

Anyway she got much happier and more independent once she was mobile, able to grab and play with toys and generally entertain herself, though of course I then had to watch her all the time for safety reasons!!

Hang in there OP. Some babies do require a lot of input but in general they get happier and easier as they get older. Until then, jobs have to be done in 5 min bursts or while they are asleep

Oh and DD had zero interest in screens at 6 months. She liked them at 18 months but not before.

Depends on personality.
All of ours have been happy to amuse themselves from an early age, no velcro babies here. Our 6mth old is no bother at all and I can get on with things, she happily watches me from her chair when I do my weight training sessions too.

Yes a jumperoo is brilliant! Toys with different textures at that age are usually quite engaging, as are toys with mirrors. And a bubble machine and light projector! Those would be my top picks for non mobile/ not fully mobile babies. I think this sounds normal too - my first was like this. He was so bad even in the car he'd scream until he puked because he couldn't see us! We did not go far afield at that age needless to say. If it's any help, he's 4 now and really good at independent play.

My second DC was like this, what a bloody shock that was. Couldn't even get a wash on the go without a freak out. He's much better now but it was relentlessly hard. Going out a lot helped, just to distract both of us and setting him up to play wherever I was too. So I'd sit him in the kitchen with pots and pans to play while I cooked. Good luck!

I have a 6 month old too, he's my third so I think/hope I have a good grasp of what is normal.

It is a tricky in between bit. DS3 will go down to play for a bit but tends to want to be sat up. He can't reliably sit so we need to sit with him. He's much less content these days to lie on his back and play with a toy. He can roll, and is also happy on his front, but only if he's in just the right mood. He also fairly quickly realises that he wants to be over there and starts trying to swim like a beached turtle. He then goes backwards. This enrages him.

With my other two once they could crawl properly they were much happier. Even better once they can crawl and competently get into a sitting position. Sorry to say but it isn't until more like 8/9 months! At the moment I tend to rotate between these things:

sitting with him feeding/sleeping/cuddling (play games on phone/go on internet)
mealtimes that take forever because we're doing BLW (but at least it counts as a fun activity too!)
nappy changes
try and fail to put him down for a nap
sit and look at books/bash at button toys/chew toys/rattly toys
stick him in the jumperoo so he can watch me clean/cook
sit him in a laundry basket with some toys so he can watch me do laundry or watch the washing machine go around
go for a walk in buggy/sling (we do nursery pick up every day for older one too)
lie him on the floor with toys near where big brother is playing or I am organising clothes
pass him to DH even though he's supposed to be WFH

It's tricky psychologically because they have gone through the 3-5 month stage where they have brief periods of lying down occupied and suddenly getting more engrossed in things means you think oh great, I can go and do this/that... and you can't. Half because they get so easily frustrated, half because separation anxiety has kicked in.

If he is being especially whiny or screamy, then it usually means a tooth is coming through, a poo is being held up (common when first starting solids) or he's just extra tired perhaps due to a rough night, missed nap or growth/developmental spurt. So these things are worth checking as well.

And then yes bearing in mind that you'll probably only have a few minutes at a time to do anything. If you do manage to put them down for a nap that's when you can do the longer tasks that they're not interested to watch you for, or at weekends when your partner is around.

I even avoid letting him see the screen of our mobiles and laptops

Why??! Screen time is only bad if you’re replacing other activities and engagement with a screen. If it’s between crying while I eat my lunch or the tv while I eat my lunch, I’m 100% choosing the tv as they get a lot more from that than they do crying.

Mine was like this.
Fwiw, a pp said that TV extends their attention span - the research appears to indicate the opposite as they don't actually learn to amuse themselves. I'd stick to your guns with that one. We did and so glad we did for a host of reasons.

Both of mine have needed full attention all (or almost all) of the time. I still marvel at other people's babies lying contentedly on playmats or prams watching the world go by, absolutely no way either of mine would do anything like that! It's just who they are.

"Normal" is a spectrum, I'd say your baby sounds well within the bounds of normal, just at the high maintenance end. Keep trying with the sling, that did eventually end up being helpful for us (only way I could shop for example as no way either would tolerate sitting in the trolley!)

TV is on a lot here because we also have a 3yo. Sometimes he likes watching it although it's not something I would choose as a baby activity when toddler isn't here. It just doesn't really occur to me TBH? DH sometimes suggests it and I go oh yeah, I didn't think of that, but it's not my preferred way to distract him.

BTW, you don't need to quote. Some people quote, some people tag with @, some bold the person's name they are replying to, but you don't even need to do that, you can just respond like a conversation :) There are no set rules like that here.

Sounds normal.

My DS is 21 months. I still can't pee on my own and he won't entertain a screen for more than 2 minutes - he never has. He likes to be exactly where I'm bloody standing.

We've been working hard on solo play for a couple of months now. Sometimes he'll play independently (2 bloody millimeters away from me) whilst I get jobs done.

He starts nursery one day a week in May 🥳

Yes, mine was like this (though thankfully slept well so I did get breaks). But I started him on In the Night Garden at around six months so I could cook dinner, and it was bliss :D

Obviously don't leave him in front of the TV all day, but it is useful. Also all the suggestions of peekaboo, leaving and coming back etc - they take a while to learn you haven't just completely abandoned them, but it will come.

We got an indoor swing, it wound up so we didn't have to push and each cycle was 15 mins, life saver

My first was like this. I felt she wanted more of me than existed, I feel your pain.
All I can say is it’s going to end at some point. It’s an interesting exercise to think that if she was not the first born she could never have got the level of input I have her, but I guess there would have been a lot more screaming. She’s a v happy , self motivated high achieving 17 year old now. So something worked!

Hope it doesn’t put you off having another, my subsequent ones were v easy in comparison.

Yep, yep and yep! My first is 7 months next week and agree with pp that at this age they’re frustrated they can’t get around. If I really need a break, to get his bottles washed or save my arms from holding him a lot (killer)- I have been leaving mine in the lounge buckled into his seat with Elmo on whilst I’m in the kitchen, I come back if I hear a groan (like yours he doesn’t cry it’s like a boredom incry) and he’s fine once I’ve spoken to him, I pass him back a teether and he can stand 10 minutes back and forth. If yours finds it difficult from the oft, sit next to him and watch Elmo or whatever activity you’ve got out for him (mines usually a teething toy) for a while…then try again

Good luck!!

I think 5-10 minutes playing alone is totally normal for most babies.

Some babies do complain a lot if you're not holding/entertaining them, but that doesn't mean you have to hold/entertain them the whole time.

It's ok to put him on the floor for a bit with his toys while you cook or get on with something in the same room. I'd try to avoid being entertainer parent constantly (or substituting entertainer parent for entertainer screen) and just let them get used to "being" with you around.

@Tillow4ever

Oh I remember PFB days..... from friends anyway! Fortunately I learned from them and accepted early on that you take help if it's offered - use the tools that are available to you, etc - even if that's sitting them in from of the tv in a Bumbo for 15 mins just to give you time to make a drink/ lunch/sit & chill!

Don't write off kids every yet - some of it is actually educational and it can help build up their attention span and not constantly needing YOU with them every waking second.

15min of screen time a couple times a day is not that bad... I agree!

Its totally normal. Prior to getting mobile, they develop separation anxiety to keep them crawling off and getting lost.

It is very hard, but for your little baby, if you are not there it feels like you have disappeared FOREVER at the moment - terrifying and to be avoided at all costs. He just doesn't have the capacity at present to understand that when you are not in his sight or hearing, you are still thinking of him and taking care of him.

Between now and aged 4 or so, is a gradual developmental curve of learning to manage your absence and develop a knowledge and trust that you will come back to him.

It is a slow process. And a real conflict for babies. They are desperate to get mobile, but also clingy and anxious.

Just try to reassure and play lots of games about object permanence, peekaboo, talk to him a lot about how mummy went and mummy made tea and then mummy came back! Big deal of bye byes and big mini-reunions.

@NrlySp

I think it really does depend on the baby. Some don’t like being left alone. If he was your second there would probably be more crying as you would not be able to give him immediate attention if dealing with older child. I take it he has things to play with? Mine liked watching the washing machine and white noise helped too. Usually it’s a phase and won’t last forever. Do you have some other friends with babies at similar age or attend babu groups? That can help.

He does have plenty of toys and a couple of play areas! But I need to change things up every 5-10min, otherwise the screaming starts..

I guess he gets bored quickly... Which is why screens (tablets, tv) are so good in getting their attention. Anyways, I wouldn't want to have him in front of a screen all day, so it's not a viable solution.

I remember my two being very grumpy in the in between stage where they had learned to sit (6 months or so) but not yet to crawl (think they were around 9.5 mths). My son was so miserable, he didnt want to sit and play, he didn't want to be carried about and distracted as he wanted to work on crawling, if you put him down he wanted picking up ... you name it, nothing was right.

Once he got going with crawling and could propel himself about he was much happier and VERY pleased with himself, bless him.

@arethereanyleftatall

Have I read this wrong? 24 hours per day attention is normal? What about when they're asleep? Isn't the average for this age about 14 hours per day?

You're right I should have been clearer there! He sleeps around 11h a day.

So I mean he needs attention for the remaining 13h.