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Parenting

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Starting to resent my OH because he's an absolutely useless parent

103 replies

Lafoosa · 26/02/2022 08:18

Title says it really.
I'm starting to really despise my OH because he's so useless, he can't think of anything by himself and I'm sick of having to basically do everything in terms of parenting because he's so thick.

He sleeps through our 2yo screaming when she's an inch from his face, gets pissy with me when I wake him up for help and equally if I don't. He never baths them unless I ask and his response is "what, by myself" as if it takes 2 of us to bath them 🙄
He's only ever taken them (both kids are 3.5 and 2) to the playground without me once ever and I had to nag him for weeks. If I'm working he never takes them out of the house, not to the playground, for a walk, to the shop, nothing.
He can't even competently get them dressed, every time I have to work in the morning and I come home he's dressed them in pyjama bottoms and a dress, claiming that clearly they go together when it just looks stupid and you don't have to be smart to know you don't put what's essentially jogging bottoms under a dress.
He's utterly useless at housework too, he spends upwards of 3 hours 'washing up' when there's not even that much to do and he's just watching videos on his phone. By the time he's 'finished' there's still half or more of the pots to wash, nothing in the kitchen has been wiped down or put away and the floor hasn't been swept. 3 hours! For what?
He complains all the time that he can't find his work clothes, or they're not clean, as if it's my job to wash them and it should be my priority. The machine is always empty when he gets home from work so he could take them off and put them straight in instead of dumping them in a random pile on the floor in a room where dirty laundry doesn't belong and expecting me to go and look for them.

He gets stressed out and pissed off if a room is messy and then starts kicking things around as if to make a point I've not done it yet instead of just doing it himself if it bugs him so much.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and have 2 toddlers, I haven't got the time or the energy to be doing everything for him and having to spell everything out for him.

Surely it's not normal for him to be so bloody incompetent. What kind of dad doesn't even bother taking their kids out by himself every once in a while? I've not had a break for 3 years, I'm exhausted and never get sleep. He just snores away and when we come downstairs in the morning he sits on the sofa and goes back to sleep like a useless little p*k.

I've spoken to him about how I feel and he always just makes it about how apparently I should have to ask him for every little thing if I want his help. No, I shouldn't have to ask him to tidy a room that HE is angry about being messy. If the room bothers him so much he should just sort it. I shouldn't have to ask him to take the kids out every time, he should actually want to and use his own initiative. He claims to be really intelligent because he knows lots of random facts but OMG he's so dense, he literally can't think for himself.

I'm so sick of it. Then he nags for sex 24/7 and says the normal amount couples have sex is twice a week so we should twice a week. I don't think I've ever met anyone with 2 toddlers who has sex twice a week, plus he's shit in bed and selfish because he always finishes first and that's it over so there's no point for me anyway. Plus why would I even want to when he's so useless at every other area of life? He literally nagged me for sex every day when I had an infection and was on antibiotics...

Don't really know what the point of this post is other than somewhere to rant.
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
newplanneeded · 26/02/2022 13:46

and despite me not wanting to go through with it I felt like I had to because he wanted to keep it.

why do you feel his wishes are more important than yours?

why do you think his views count more than yours, even though you are the only capable adult in your family?

can you see that you put yourself in a submissive position, probably by default, even though you have more parenting and adulting skills?

again2020 · 26/02/2022 19:28

I feel for you, OP.
I know how difficult it is living with a useless selfish man child.
Again I'm questioning why you decided to have 3 children with him, but that won't help you.

You are young and sound intelligent and savvy. You deserve so much more out of life. Have my first LTB. I know how easy this is to say, and how difficult it can feel. I'm hoping you do follow the wonderful advice on this forum, make a plan, get some money behind you and eventually leave him.
I also wanted you to know you aren't alone. There are plenty of women out there who have left situations like this and have a better life.
Here hoping you (and I) will be one of them Flowers

IsabelHerna · 28/02/2022 10:52

I dont have any advice I'm sorry, I just want to say that you're so so strong. I would consider requesting for counselling (at first not a couple's just for you, so they can assist you leave if necessary )

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