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Parenting

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Starting to resent my OH because he's an absolutely useless parent

103 replies

Lafoosa · 26/02/2022 08:18

Title says it really.
I'm starting to really despise my OH because he's so useless, he can't think of anything by himself and I'm sick of having to basically do everything in terms of parenting because he's so thick.

He sleeps through our 2yo screaming when she's an inch from his face, gets pissy with me when I wake him up for help and equally if I don't. He never baths them unless I ask and his response is "what, by myself" as if it takes 2 of us to bath them 🙄
He's only ever taken them (both kids are 3.5 and 2) to the playground without me once ever and I had to nag him for weeks. If I'm working he never takes them out of the house, not to the playground, for a walk, to the shop, nothing.
He can't even competently get them dressed, every time I have to work in the morning and I come home he's dressed them in pyjama bottoms and a dress, claiming that clearly they go together when it just looks stupid and you don't have to be smart to know you don't put what's essentially jogging bottoms under a dress.
He's utterly useless at housework too, he spends upwards of 3 hours 'washing up' when there's not even that much to do and he's just watching videos on his phone. By the time he's 'finished' there's still half or more of the pots to wash, nothing in the kitchen has been wiped down or put away and the floor hasn't been swept. 3 hours! For what?
He complains all the time that he can't find his work clothes, or they're not clean, as if it's my job to wash them and it should be my priority. The machine is always empty when he gets home from work so he could take them off and put them straight in instead of dumping them in a random pile on the floor in a room where dirty laundry doesn't belong and expecting me to go and look for them.

He gets stressed out and pissed off if a room is messy and then starts kicking things around as if to make a point I've not done it yet instead of just doing it himself if it bugs him so much.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and have 2 toddlers, I haven't got the time or the energy to be doing everything for him and having to spell everything out for him.

Surely it's not normal for him to be so bloody incompetent. What kind of dad doesn't even bother taking their kids out by himself every once in a while? I've not had a break for 3 years, I'm exhausted and never get sleep. He just snores away and when we come downstairs in the morning he sits on the sofa and goes back to sleep like a useless little p*k.

I've spoken to him about how I feel and he always just makes it about how apparently I should have to ask him for every little thing if I want his help. No, I shouldn't have to ask him to tidy a room that HE is angry about being messy. If the room bothers him so much he should just sort it. I shouldn't have to ask him to take the kids out every time, he should actually want to and use his own initiative. He claims to be really intelligent because he knows lots of random facts but OMG he's so dense, he literally can't think for himself.

I'm so sick of it. Then he nags for sex 24/7 and says the normal amount couples have sex is twice a week so we should twice a week. I don't think I've ever met anyone with 2 toddlers who has sex twice a week, plus he's shit in bed and selfish because he always finishes first and that's it over so there's no point for me anyway. Plus why would I even want to when he's so useless at every other area of life? He literally nagged me for sex every day when I had an infection and was on antibiotics...

Don't really know what the point of this post is other than somewhere to rant.
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
WafflesOrIceCream · 26/02/2022 08:54

Get rid of him!!

arethereanyleftatall · 26/02/2022 08:55

Ltb. Before you're on here next year writing - 'i hate my husband, he's absolutely useless, I have 3 under 5s and I'm pregnant with a fourth.'

MintJulia · 26/02/2022 08:56

He sounds like my DS's df. I coped until DS was three, and ex had changed about 5 nappies ever, and never taken him to the park.

I remember we went to a fireworks party and ex (6'2") handed me ds because he was 'too heavy'. Ex wasn't incapable, he was (is) bone idle and selfish to the core.

Don't waste your life running around after yours. Stop doing as he asks. Make him live with an untidy room. If he wants it tidy, he can do it himself. Leave the fridge empty so he has to go to the supermarket. Leave his clothes unwashed so he has to do it himself. You are not his mother.

With luck he may go home to his real mother and you'll be rid of his endless demands.

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Totalwasteofpaper · 26/02/2022 08:57

What was he like what the 3.5 year old was born? Was he hands on and helpful then???

stimpyyouidiot · 26/02/2022 08:58

He would have been out the door years ago

MonStylo · 26/02/2022 09:01

Was he like this before? Is he like this about his work?

Coriandersucks · 26/02/2022 09:04

Are you hoping he will change? Because he won’t. You need to decide if this is the life you want for yourself and example to set to your children.

GreenFingeredNell15 · 26/02/2022 09:06

Why?

Just why?

Why keep having children with him?

Why believe he's useless when it's obviously his ploy to manipulate and avoid doing anything?

Why stay with him?

Just -- Why???? 🙄

GrandRapids · 26/02/2022 09:08

It's not that he can't, he can't be arsed. There's a big difference.

I'm afraid I'm also wondering why you decided to bring a third child into this mess but I guess that boat has sailed.

I don't see any future for the relationship to be honest. Do you work? Could you leave?

TheOccupier · 26/02/2022 09:11

Why do these OPs ALWAYS end with "and I'm pregnant by him again"?

Lafoosa · 26/02/2022 09:13

@toomuchlaundry the first two children were planned, and I was very young when I had them. The third wasn't planned and I felt like I had to keep it because he wanted it even though I didn't.

I'd have left it at 2 personally and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with 3 when he's like this.

OP posts:
GreenFingeredNell15 · 26/02/2022 09:16

You'll have 3 children and a man choosing to be a spoilt child. Leave.

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 26/02/2022 09:17

But if your oldest DC is 3.5, you can't be exactly ancient now, OP.

spacehardware · 26/02/2022 09:17

How old are you, and how old is he?

Do you work, OP?

You don't like anything about this man (understandably) so you are going to have to face up to that, sadly, snd start planning a life for you and your children without him. Any maintenance / involvement you can extract from him will have to be considered a happy bonus than something you can count on

Herecomesthesun2022 · 26/02/2022 09:18

Why on Earth are you having a third child with this person? Seriously??

spacehardware · 26/02/2022 09:18

You'll find it much easier to deal with the children without him full stop. Like this he's nothing but a millstone, I agree

Ra12345 · 26/02/2022 09:21

I wish women would stop breeding with useless men.

Disneysaurus · 26/02/2022 09:22

Why did you decide to have 3 children with a useless man? Not sure why you’re complaining really.

RobotValkyrie · 26/02/2022 09:22

He will never change. He will keep getting you pregnant against your wishes. Kick him out, your life can only improve with him out of the picture.

Bargoed · 26/02/2022 09:22

I normally despise this question but bloody hell WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PREGNANT AGAIN ? Unless he's had a radical change in personality since the last two kids ?

Take some fucking ownership in this

MargaretFromAccts · 26/02/2022 09:22

I'm so confused on why you've had this many children with someone you resent / has shown how useless he is from the start? Why even continue a relationship if the sex is shit and he's selfish ?

PermanentTemporary · 26/02/2022 09:22

God, sounds miserable. Miserable.

I don't know. Check out of the marriage? Start operating as if he doesn't exist? That's what he's doing to you. Do you have any resources - parents? Friends? I'm guessing not if you had children so young and never get a break. But I would descend on my mother or mother in law for a week/month and get a bit of rest and at least some hands on help. Assuming that's not an option, you need to make some parent friends so you can team up, at least be in the park together, do that nicest thing of all where you're out for the afternoon, have tea and baths together and take the children home in pj's straight to bed.

If you feel a bit stronger and less exhausted you might have strength to make a plan.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/02/2022 09:24

From personal experience - looking after children without the presence of a useless fucktard whom you despise, is a billion times easier and more pleasant than with one. Take one simple chore - the dishes - pre divorce id do these seething and resentful that it really wasn't my turn again, now I sing when I do them, perfectly happy.

MsTSwift · 26/02/2022 09:25

I would have stopped at 2 and left him. You basically hate him - it’s over.

Beachbreak2411 · 26/02/2022 09:27

Why did you keep having kids with him? He sounds useless!

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