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Original poster

AIBU - argument with dw over moving dd yoga ball while she was dancing on rug

95 replies

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:15

Basically that...dd7 was dancing on rug and videoing it with my phone. Yoga ball was to the left of her so I picked it up to move it at the back of the room. But I had to walk past dd7 to do it.
Dd got angry and upset and hit me.

Dw started shouting at me saying why did I do that and how I had spoilt her dancing.

She said I am being controlling and should've just left the ball where it was.

I said what is the big deal with me moving the ball and asked that dw support me with dd and say mammy was just moving the ball.

Dw continues to shout at me saying I should've just left it there. Dd7 continues to kick and hit me. No support from dw to get her to stop.

Was in the wrong for moving the ball?

To me I don't see the big deal. Was just trying to move it out of the way as we have a small lounge

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Talipesmum · 08/02/2022 18:18

The problem isn’t that you moved the ball - it’s that you got in the way of the videoing. And if you could see she was videoing herself it would have been sensible to wait.

But I don’t think anyone should be shouting.

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:19

I didn't realise they were videoing dancing until after the event

OP posts:

riotlady · 08/02/2022 18:19

I would have left the ball yes, but it’s massively unreasonable for your DD to get away with hitting you and your wife not to support you in stopping her. She’s 7, not a toddler

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Redlorryyellowduck · 08/02/2022 18:19

You could probably have left the ball there as she was making a video and you spoilt it.
However thr moment she hit you all your dw needed to have backed you up and made dd apologise / sent to her room or whatever.
All sounds a bit needlessly dramatic though.

CorrBlimeyGG · 08/02/2022 18:20

Is this part of a much bigger issue?

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 18:21

Not ok for your DD to hit and kick you

Talipesmum · 08/02/2022 18:24

@Whiteminnowfish

I didn't realise they were videoing dancing until after the event

In that case you should have apologised to your daughter for inadvertently getting in the way of the video, and not tried to get your wife to “back you up” - you made a mistake and didn’t realise, and it kind of sounds like after you realised you still didn’t acknowledge that.

But your wife seems to be v unreasonable shouting at you for a minor thing like that - is there more background? She should absolutely be backing you up with stopping your daughter hitting - that’s not ok. But, sounds like you were being obstinate in not admitting you’d made a silly mistake, and going on about it being “ok that you’d moved the ball” when the issue was that you’d not noticed the videoing.

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:25

@CorrBlimeyGG

Is this part of a much bigger issue?

Yes.me and dw have been having problems for a while now. This is probably why she didn't back me up.

Both have differing parenting styles and have come to disappointments in past.

We're getting help.

I think I might have some sort of ADHD as dw keeps saying I don't see that I am the problem and the issues I create.

Dw just shouts if I don't do as she says

OP posts:

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:27

I didn't feel like apogising after being hit and kicked 😕

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midlifecrash · 08/02/2022 18:27

Shouting if you don’t do what she wants makes her sound like a bully.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 08/02/2022 18:29

Does your 7 year old hit and kick regularly? I have 8 and 6 year old girls and would be shocked if either of them did this.
What consequences does she get for hitting and kicking?

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:29

@midlifecrash

Shouting if you don’t do what she wants makes her sound like a bully.

I can't do wrong from right.

Other day dd was playing up again. Dw said to me lets ignore her and go upstairs.

I said I just need to get something from the kitchen first. Dw started shouting saying I never listen to what she says

OP posts:

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:30

@ShallWeTalkAboutBruno

Does your 7 year old hit and kick regularly? I have 8 and 6 year old girls and would be shocked if either of them did this. What consequences does she get for hitting and kicking?

We give natural consequences for the hitting and kicking

OP posts:

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:31

I kept saying to dw why don't you support me instead of shouting at me in front of dd

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 18:31

I think she is more of the problem that you, and can see where your DD is getting her behaviour from

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 18:33

What were the natural consequences?

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:35

@toomuchlaundry

What were the natural consequences?

In this instance nothing. Well...I took my phone off her.

Dw didn't say anything at all to her for hitting me.

I came upstairs and hid away

OP posts:

Duracellbunnywannabe · 08/02/2022 18:38

@Whiteminnowfish

I didn't feel like apogising after being hit and kicked 😕

You’re an adult. You need to behave like one and apologise for your own behaviour and then deal with your child’s poor behaviour.

picklemewalnuts · 08/02/2022 18:40

I don't think you each understand what the other is trying to do.

"Other day dd was playing up again. Dw said to me lets ignore her and go upstairs.
I said I just need to get something from the kitchen first. Dw started shouting saying I never listen to what she says"

Your wife was trying to de escalate a situation, and instead of going along with her you decided to get something you wanted first.

You need a unified approach on these situations, you can't expect the other person to do what you say just because you've said it, you need to agree it first.

ancientgran · 08/02/2022 18:41

@Whiteminnowfish

I didn't feel like apogising after being hit and kicked 😕

I don't blame you. There is no way anyone should put up with that.

picklemewalnuts · 08/02/2022 18:45

And the thing is, you frame this as an incident of you moving a yoga ball. They see it as you being oblivious to what your Dd was doing, and spoiling it.

You are supposed to look and see what other people are doing, not just do what you think is best.

My DH does this- he unilaterally decides to move a yoga ball/put away a hammer/clean up my cooking utensils/turn off the oven... without checking it's ok with me first.

If he said 'I think the dinners ready shall I turn off the oven?' I could say 'no, I've got an apple pie ready to go in now.'

If you'd said 'shall I get this ball out of the way', they'd have said 'no! I'm filming!'

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:45

To me, I thought I was doing the right thing by moving the ball out of the way. I just can't see where I have gone wrong.
Maybe this is why dw gets so frustrated with me

OP posts:

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:46

Should I apologise to dd now considering her hitting and kicking me?

OP posts:

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:47

This is my problem. I just don't consciously think about things before I do something.

OP posts:

picklemewalnuts · 08/02/2022 18:47

I know! My poor husband does, too.

I may be quite wrong, but it's possible you aren't picking up on the dynamics of the situation and missing why they are cross.

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