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Original poster

AIBU - argument with dw over moving dd yoga ball while she was dancing on rug

95 replies

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:15

Basically that...dd7 was dancing on rug and videoing it with my phone. Yoga ball was to the left of her so I picked it up to move it at the back of the room. But I had to walk past dd7 to do it.
Dd got angry and upset and hit me.

Dw started shouting at me saying why did I do that and how I had spoilt her dancing.

She said I am being controlling and should've just left the ball where it was.

I said what is the big deal with me moving the ball and asked that dw support me with dd and say mammy was just moving the ball.

Dw continues to shout at me saying I should've just left it there. Dd7 continues to kick and hit me. No support from dw to get her to stop.

Was in the wrong for moving the ball?

To me I don't see the big deal. Was just trying to move it out of the way as we have a small lounge

OP posts:

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Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:49

My dw thinks I do things like this on purpose but I genuinely don't. I hate arguements and confrontation. Last thing I want is an argument with dw.

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 18:49

@picklemewalnuts do you think it is ok for the DD to hit and kick the OP, that she has to not do something ie get something from the kitchen because the DD is playing up. Seems that the DD doesn't get any consequences for her bad behaviour, and the DW is letting her get away with it and just shouts at her partner.

titchy · 08/02/2022 18:49

@Whiteminnowfish

I didn't feel like apogising after being hit and kicked 😕

Doesn't matter you're the adult. You made a mistake and your dd was upset about it and hit you in frustration. The grown up thing would have been to apologise for getting in the way, and then spoken to your dd about hitting you - you should have got an apology from her then a hug and all done.

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picklemewalnuts · 08/02/2022 18:50

I would apologise, as the grown up, because you made a mistake and upset her.

Her behaviour is a separate issue.

'Sweetheart, I didn't realise you were filming. That must have really upset you when I got in the way like that. I wouldn't have done it if I'd realised and I'll work on being more aware of things like that.
It's not ok that you hit me when you are angry, though- that's never ok.'

Duracellbunnywannabe · 08/02/2022 18:50

@Whiteminnowfish

Should I apologise to dd now considering her hitting and kicking me?

Yes, you’re behaviour was still wrong. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 18:52

Should the OP get an apology for DW shouting too.

Does your DH have to run everything past you @picklemewalnuts, or is just because you are using those things at the time?

SummerHouse · 08/02/2022 18:52

No good ever came from a parent siding with a child who is lashing out for such a petty misdemeanor as getting in her film clip. A misdemeanor you hadn't even knowingly committed.

There's obviously so much more to this but you need to agree to always (within reason) back each other up.

I could count on one hand the times I have not backed up DP. And only one of those in 12 years of parenting was in front of a child.

So very difficult if your styles are not compatible but you need some middle ground and some ground rules.

picklemewalnuts · 08/02/2022 18:52

@toomuchlaundry no it's not ok. Absolutely not. But it's a separate issue and needs addressing separately.

Dd needs to learn not to hit out when she's angry and frustrated. She needs to start thinking about that when she's calm, not when she's upset.

MichelleScarn · 08/02/2022 18:53

Have I picked something up wrong? Dd is dancing about, op doesn't know she is videoing and moves something in the living room, and there's a big hoo-ha with dd at 8 kicking off and being physically aggressive and it's OP who has to apologise?

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 18:56

Thanks for the advice guys.

I've just apologised to dd and said I didn't realise she was dancing and I should've looked first. Kissed and cuddled. Told her it's not acceptable for her to hit and kick.

Mean while dw in background saying, yes you should look first instead of Blaming me.

OP posts:

Flossieskeeper · 08/02/2022 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picklemewalnuts · 08/02/2022 18:56

@toomuchlaundry I don't want to derail OPs thread with my DH's issues, but-
DH absolutely needs to stop interfering with my stuff. At the end of a long day decorating I sort stuff into two piles, one to put away and one to use the next day. I come back from making a drink and it's all been taken back to the garage. Damned annoying. Obviously once is nothing, but it's all the time. I don't go and mess with his stuff, I don't want him rearranging mine.

Quartz2208 · 08/02/2022 18:58

Is your DD adopted because this is ringing some bells from previous posts (apologies if not) because it could change how it is answered.

But if you are that poster then you had some relationship issues

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 19:00

This is what happened yes.

Thing is I have no money, no where to go and I am codependant on dw. Its such a very sad situation I am in.

I love dd and still love dw so I feel like I'd rather die than leave my dw and dd.

So I'd rather put up with this.

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 19:03

Why do you have no money?

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 19:06

@toomuchlaundry

Why do you have no money?

I do work but only part time. Not got the confidence at the moment to find a different job.

I have a good support network at work and it's a few mins walk from where I live

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 19:07

Could you increase your hours? Do you have access to other family income?

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 19:10

@toomuchlaundry

Could you increase your hours? Do you have access to other family income?

I've asked about increasing hours and no hours available 🥺

OP posts:

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/02/2022 19:12

I really don’t think you should apologise! I don’t understand those that are saying it’s your fault? Are you all abusive arseholes to your families?

Your dd is hitting you and your dw is shouting at you all because you moved a ball/got in the way of her filming. I would pop the bloody thing!

This isn’t healthy op. Not for any of you. Do you have any support?

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/02/2022 19:12

I’m not surprised that you don’t have much confidence

Wnkingawalrus · 08/02/2022 19:13

I think I might have some sort of ADHD as dw keeps saying I don't see that I am the problem and the issues I create.

Dw just shouts if I don't do as she says

This doesn’t sound like you are the problem to me.

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 19:14

Have you got other examples of when DW shouts at you

Original poster

Whiteminnowfish · 08/02/2022 19:14

@TabithaTittlemouse

I really don’t think you should apologise! I don’t understand those that are saying it’s your fault? Are you all abusive arseholes to your families?

Your dd is hitting you and your dw is shouting at you all because you moved a ball/got in the way of her filming. I would pop the bloody thing!

This isn’t healthy op. Not for any of you. Do you have any support?

Only support I have is 1 friend and sister.

Nobody else. Parents have died. No other family here.

OP posts:

Jvg33 · 08/02/2022 19:17

I would tell dw that it's not on that she supported your child to hit you. You were not deliberately doing anything to hurt anyone else. I would stop doing things for dw for the rest of the week - this is what posters on here would be advising on other threads. If she complained I would say it's because you encourage someone to hit me. If she continues to think you deserve to be hit, that's another day you aren't doing anything for her. Why should she get away with it because she is the 'dear wife'? Hitting as an adult can be a punishable offence. I would not even be considering apologising to a child for hitting me on purpose. Continue to nag DW until achieved an apology

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/02/2022 19:17

Do any of them know what’s going on at home?

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