ADHD DS12 shot child on school bus with BB gun - police involvement

[SphincterSaysWhat]

Hello, I am hoping for some thoughts from anyone who has been in a situation like this before - or knows someone who has.

My recently diagnosed as ADHD DS12 bought a BB gun from a friend at school, used it in school and on the bus - the pellet actually hit someone on the bus. I don't know yet whether he was trying to hit the other child with the pellet or whether it was an 'accident' (I am aware he should ever have got that gun out on this bus or in school etc).

He has been suspended, and the policy are involved - the school says the police will likely make a MARF which I've googled and can see it's a referral to social services.

I am very upset, for many reasons. I thought we were getting somewhere with him, and making headway with a child psychiatrist, some medication and we're starting therapy to try and learn how to parent him (and he too is going to speak with someone).

He's spent the last few months getting in trouble CONSTANTLY - vaping (in class) lying, stealing...it has been relentless but we are working through it.

I am worried about this referral - what will happen?

Help, I feel so lost. Husband is raging and my lovely MIL has just been taken to hospital with AF today - this all combined with two other children, a very full-on job and an elderly dog to care for means I feel a little frazzled. I wish I could disappear for a while.

I'm beyond positive if you asked him why he did it his response would be a very genuine "I don't know" 😅 Infuriating I know, but genuine nonetheless.

There’s nothing funny about the situation the OP finds her child in. “I don’t know” is not a valid response to shooting a BB gun in school and on a school bus. Infuriating? No, worrying yes. This is very risky and dangerous behaviour in my opinion.

I'm not sure funny is what that emoji signifies, perhaps a difference of perception.
That is you opinion, to which you are entitled. I just happen to disagree.

There is a massive difference between intent to harm and acting on impulse
But the outcome is the same.

Please get all the help you can. This isn’t just about your son but the society you want him to be part of and to which he belongs
By the way, what would be your response if it were your child who was injured and you head not only did the mother decline support but then enrolled her kid in a shooting club?!
Great username OP, by the way 💐

@TracyMosby

There is a massive difference between intent to harm and acting on impulse But the outcome is the same.

Perhaps, however, how you approach the situation should differ.

Yep, he may not know why he did it but at that age should know his actions had the potential to hurt someone, especially if what he used is a gun. Air guns can kill at short range, kids being kids is not a excuse to let them get away with antisocial behaviour.
He is 12 not 4.

@GrandmasCat

Yep, he may not know why he did it but at that age should know his actions had the potential to hurt someone, especially if what he used is a gun. Air guns can kill at short range, kids being kids is not a excuse to let them get away with antisocial behaviour. He is 12 not 4.

Definitely agree with this.

Your ds is obviously vulnerable otherwise he wouldn’t be acting this way. My understanding is that a MARF is for someone at risk and I think he could easily exploited by people or other children. For example being groomed as a drugs mule, county lines or being the one to hold the knife when his ‘mate’ takes it to a fight - just in case.

This. Above.

Few years down the line here. Wish social services would have been involved at 12 for my DC.

@Hope90x

I'm not sure funny is what that emoji signifies, perhaps a difference of perception. That is you opinion, to which you are entitled. I just happen to disagree.

I’m astounded that you don’t find the behaviour displayed worrying, risky or dangerous. “I don’t know” is NOT an excuse for firing a BB gun at anyone.

I would expect this to result in a permanent exclusion tbh, so you may find that you are asked to consider other types of school. From experience, this is a PE offence and I’d be surprised if an appeal was successful.
I’ll try and find something about being excluded - either a pupil referral unit or a different school would be offered. Not adding this to worry you but just be prepared that this may happen. It’s happened now - you can only work with a referral if it comes to it, otherwise you’ll be viewed negatively. If they feel satisfied you are engaging with the right support I don’t think it will be heavy handed?

@MrsPepperPot2022 then be astounded. With many years experience both working and living with ADHD, this is my view.

I have a ds with Adhd.

I can only say the consequences still need to be natural consequences... Does he play shooting games on games consoles. These would go never mind joining a gun club

He is impulsive but needs consequences that make him think.

Children with Adhd do have am immaturity. I am sure it was something like 2.7 years however he still lives in a world of 12 year olds.

One of my best statergies are how would you feel if it happened to you. Reverse it.

What can you do next time.

Children with adhd need more boundaries not less. Loads of praise gorntge good , consequences for the bad.

Its really tough and exhausting but if something isn't done now it will get far worse.

Shooting club?!
You need to open your eyes op and stop denying how serious this situation was and what could actually happen- I would be absolutely livid if someone did this to my child.

You are clearly in non control of your son and in need of outer support.

This isn’t all about DS’ finer feelings or the ins and outs of mild neurological conditions.

It’s about not shooting schoolkids.

OP, you need SS, psych services and the police to work with DS and with you and the other DC.

[quote Hope90x]@MrsPepperPot2022 then be astounded. With many years experience both working and living with ADHD, this is my view.[/quote]
You don't think that taking a gun to school and shooting someone is behaviour that is "worrying, risky or dangerous."?

As a member of a target shooting club, indoor 25yds, mainly air rifles:- forget it.
Nobody would take responsibility.

Also, do NOT EVER allow him near paint-balling. Because there they learn tactics, like ambushing people. Which could be far more dangerous than a straight shot at a cardboard disc down a range. Please also stop him having access to shooting games on devices.
If he can get hold of BB weapon now when older he might set his mind on getting something more powerful.
If he presents this kind of potential danger now it might be decided that he needs residential care.
Sorry to be so blunt but I do not know how else you as parents will understand the potential dangers here.

ADHD makes him far more vulnerable to exploration so yes you need all the involvement you can get from SS. They have access to services that most people don’t and require a referral from them.

[quote Hope90x]@MrsPepperPot2022 then be astounded. With many years experience both working and living with ADHD, this is my view.[/quote]
I worked with children who had many diagnosed issues (including ADHD) for many years. Your view is skewed imo. ADHD, autism etc does not give anyone the right to point a gun (albeit a BB gun) at another person, let alone shooting it. “I don’t know” for an excuse is not acceptable, another child/person may have been injured. Do you really think “I don’t know why I did it” is excusable if charged with a criminal offence? This child shot a gun at another person and you find that funny with the emoji that you posted earlier with a smiley face? This one to be exact 😅. Here’s a grip - please take it. If you’re one of these parents who think this behaviour is excusable you are doing your children no favours. Also, please respond to other posters who are disagreeing with you.

For effect here’s an emoji for you 🙄

@Politics4me

As a member of a target shooting club, indoor 25yds, mainly air rifles:- forget it. Nobody would take responsibility. Also, do NOT EVER allow him near paint-balling. Because there they learn tactics, like ambushing people. Which could be far more dangerous than a straight shot at a cardboard disc down a range. Please also stop him having access to shooting games on devices. If he can get hold of BB weapon now when older he might set his mind on getting something more powerful. If he presents this kind of potential danger now it might be decided that he needs residential care. Sorry to be so blunt but I do not know how else you as parents will understand the potential dangers here.

Thank goodness someone else sees the potential danger in this situation!

@Whitestick Is right. Why on Earth would you think allowing him to use guns after he’s proved he can’t be trusted with them Would be a good idea?
I say this as a person who’s family are into shooting and the parent of an ADHD 12 year old boy.
Guns are not toys, even air rifles/BB guns. They are not for 12 year olds. Especially 12 year olds that are so out of control.
I would be keeping him home as much as possible.
Where has he got such the weapon from? If it is another child at school I hope you get to the bottom of that also.
Sounds like you have so much going on right now. Try not to worry about the SS referral. It sounds like you could really use some help with your DS right now.

What an awful situation.
Someone could have been seriously injured.
To buy an air gun, take it to school and fire it in school and on a school bus - actually hitting a child. That isn’t some sort of accidental behaviour. It’s deliberate.
Which means your son is a serious risk to others. So it’s highly likely he will be permanently excluded.

Please take all the help you are offered from social services.

And don’t even consider letting him near any sort of weapon.

😅 This emoji to me means phew. Eg thank fuck I got away with it or got out of this sticky situation etc.

@WonderfulYou
Totally agree there are also behavioural issues. I’m so surprised at anyone minimising this, including the op, who doesn’t seem to understand her ds needs to be totally away from guns and anything gun related, including gaming. Eradicating guns is a natural consequence of inappropriate behaviour around guns.

The age of criminal responsibility is 10. Social Services really need to work with your son to prevent stuff like this happening again or he'll be in a YOI by the time he's 16. The Courts see hundreds of young boys with ADHD or similar every week and eventually they go to prison if stuff like this persists. I imagine the victim doesn't want to press assault charges (or "make a fuss" as you put it) because they are scared of repercussions. Your son is out of control and is exactly the sort of child social services need to be working with.

For gods sake, don't let your son's ADHD diagnosis be an excuse for bad behaviour, no wonder the label has a bad rap

Push for charges because it's illegal for him to have the BB gun. And where the hell has he got the vape from!?

Please take some responsibility I know it's hard but stop playing down his behaviour

Suggest unless you have a child with a disability who exhibits really challenging behaviour, you count your blessings, dig deep, and extend some compassion to the OP who is clearly struggling.