Want to hear from parents who formula fed babies

[Cookiemonster2022]

Hi,
FTM here of 2.5 months old baby who never latched. So, I had to give him bottle and then nipple confusion happened which just made things worse.
I pumped breast milk for 2.5 months but not really got much milk so baby is primarily on hipp organic.
I feel guilty that I didn't give my baby best start by unable to breastfeed. It keeps going in my mind on and on. Also, there is pressure from DH's family for breastfeeding. I worry that I should have tried harder but I didn't.

Can some of you parents who have formula fed babies share your experiences and help put my mind at ease. Thanks and have a good day.

I BF my first and he's still feeding at 2. It's been wonderful but also exhausting and hard on my mental health. I'm seriously considering FF my second so DH can help me more & I can take my eldest for 1-1 time etc.

I was so desperate to BF and 'do the best thing for baby' but in hindsight I don't think it really matters & you should do what suits you & your family.

There's pros and cons of both.

I tried my hardest to bf DS1. My milk never came in properly (i had a post partum haemorraghe which may have affected it i don't know) and I tried and tried and even when expressing could not produce more than about 50 ml. I was trying so hard that when he would wake up for a feed I would start to shake and sob and I consider this a major part of my severe PND. When I finally gave up and just went with ff it was better for everyone- and indeed DS finally got some decent nutrition in.

For DS2 I did not even try to bf. Again my milk never really came in- some hardness and some weeping of breasts but nothing more. I just went straight to ff and the whole experience was a great deal better for us all.

DS1 (aged 12) has some allergy and asthma issues. I consider these to be genetic as I have asthma and allergies as does my entire side of the family. DS2 (aged 10) is like a robust baby ox without anything of concern to note.

I love formula feeding. I would do it again in a heartbeat. For my it meant low stress, which meant I could concentrate on bonding with my baby.I only wish I had done it sooner with baby number one, but felt pressured to bf.

My eldest has BF, ended up in hospital starving because we couldn't tell how much milk he was getting switched to FF, immediately healthier and happier. In eleven years he's been poorly only three times and never catches colds etc.

Second was FF from birth, is very healthy.

Fed is best, not this breast is best bollocks 🙅🏻‍♀️

I wanted to breastfeed but for medical reasons I had to give my son prescription formula. I had initially expressed when he was in nicu and I tried to keep that up in the hope we could go back to breast milk but it was very difficult to do and I had a low supply and it caused me lots of stress. Every single medical professional I spoke to from my GP, to the health visitor to the Gastro consultant said not to stress about this and that the formula was giving my baby everything he needed. I agree that breast milk is great but that doesn’t mean it’s easy! If it hasn’t worked out for you, you may be best just accepting that. It may be possible to get back to the breast (there are Facebook support groups for that) if that’s what you really want to do but it will be hard. The most important thing is that your baby is happy and healthy - when feeding becomes a difficult/stressful experience for you that’s not really great for you or the baby.

My DC are now 36/35/31/23 all bottle feed as my body wouldn’t play ball ! One DC had a cleft so would never have BF . They are happy , fit , bright , healthy adults . I did look wistfully at my DDs breastfeeding, but at the time , expressing blood wasn’t a lot of fun . Even now the nerve damage makes me feel sick if my boob gets knocked. Enjoy your DC ☺️

My twins were both FF as I couldn't get the hang of BF... nearly 2 years on they are happy, healthy little boys. My friend BF her little one who is the same age as my two, and they have all hit their milestones exactly the same!

I tried with my DC1, he really struggled and at 2 weeks he'd lost so much weight I gave him a bottle, he bloody loved it. Breast dwindled pretty fast and he was formula fed, I felt guilty for years, especially as dc2 took to it no problem and fed for 26m. Dc1 is now a popular 6'1" 20 year old university student. I don't give bf or ff a moments thought.

On our 6th ff baby. I couldn't even hold her after birth as I lost a lot of blood (c-section and scar rupture) and was unwell and I didn't want to make her wait for a feed so dh gave her formula. At 3 days old she took to the breast so I fed her then topped up with formula, about a week later she got a sniffle and struggled to feed from me and started to refuse the breast. Being a bit worse for wear and exhausted I didn't put up a fight and mover to ff alone. Now I wish I'd got the pump out but I was struggling with my own recovery (probably doing too much other stuff instead of leaning on dh) and I'd not had great supply pumping with others, she's happy on the hipp organic and thriving.
Our 1st I felt so much pressure to keep trying bf but she was only little and losing far too much weight, I was getting depressed by it all. Moving to ff was better for us both. 2nd I tried again but the same. 3rd I tried supplements, teas and foods that were said to be good for supply but again had to ff. Twins I admitted defeat from day 1 and had formula in my hospital bag, I did pump for 6 weeks but never got much out.
I stopped caring about others opinions after the 3rd, fed is best.

You really can't tell who was breast fed and who was bottle fed. Its part of the new baby bubble and it passes really really quickly.

I chose to ff my first.
Tried to mix feed my second, but she refused bottles from birth, so she forced me into bf.
If I have a third, I'd prefer either ff or mix feed (NOT ebf!!), even though I personally found bf easy.

My ff child has been ill far less than my bf one btw
She's also hit a lot of milestones earlier.
She's more evenly bonded to both of us as parents.

Theres no need yo feel guilty, whatever feeding decision you make, for whatever reason, or no reason at all

Failed to BF both of mine - sometimes see the hashtag #shittits on Instagram/Twitter and it makes me chuckle. Felt enormously guilty with DC1 but less so with DC2, tbh he'd completely mangled my nipples and I ended up on antibiotics for an infection so that's probably why.

Both happy, healthy and thriving, great bond with me and their dad. After a particularly horrible bout of food poisoning I was very relieved to be FF so that I didn't have to feed DC as well as try to look after myself. I think a lot of the way BF is discussed is actually harmful for those who want to and can't. Be kind to yourself OP, you're doing a great job.

The vast vast majority of babies in the UK are formula fed. It's fine and absolutely the norm.

Many mothers stop Bf before they want to, these women have not failed, they have been failed by a system that does not support women to bf successfully. My youngest is 7 so a long time since I have fed babies and I can only imagine that the situation as regards support for bf mothers is worse now what with funding cuts and covid. Please don't feel bad, and do ignore the inlaws, it's really none of their business.

Formula fed DC here. Although they are not here, they are fully functioning, very healthy adults with active lifestyles (one works in that field) and extremely good qualifications. It seems to matter at the time but by about 18 months nobody knows or cares. I would challenge anyone to separate the breast fed children from the bottle fed children in an infant class.

I have one of each, first one had hipp second BF. There’s zero difference in the 2 kids. If anything formula fed is the less sickly child. But both are robust, healthy and absolutely fine.

My milk never came. I’d actually read a lot of threads in here where so many posters were like ‘that’s not a real issue, most women CAN breastfeed they just give up blah blah’ so I really doubted myself and kept thinking maybe it would come eventually so kept up with pumping and trying to get baby to latch and torturing myself basically for far too long. I never produced a drop, my boobs never engorged or went hard, baby never managed to get anything from me, none of the midwives or health visitors or any of the breastfeeding team were able to get a drop from manhandling me or from various pumps. I had to give up in the end.

I STILL tortured myself for so long afterwards, I still felt so guilty, I constantly imagined her terrible weakened immune system and all the ways in which our bond would be damaged and how she’d definitely die of SIDS because I couldn’t give her the protective benefits of breastfeeding and on and on and on. I had postnatal depression and anxiety and it was almost all centred on feeding.

DD is coming up for 18 months. She has absolutely thrived. Our bond is very very strong. She’s healthy and robust on the 91st centile and meeting all her milestones. She has never suffered from reflux, colic, any allergies. She picks up colds pretty often like every other baby/ toddler we know but in general seems healthier and to have struggled far less with illnesses than a lot of the breastfed babies we’ve met. That is all totally anecdotal and I’m not disputing that there ARE benefits to breastfeeding, but I’m saying that none of the terrible predictions I made when I wasn’t able to breastfeed have come true.

Starting to wean helped, getting to 12 months where milk was no longer the main source of nutrition helped too. Occasionally if I think back to that time I can still get upset and emotional but overall it’s become so much less important, there is so so much more to being a mother than how they are fed for the first few months/ years of their life. I know how hard it can feel and the guilt you get but I promise you it is so so misplaced. Your baby is fed, safe and loved and that is everything.

I got pressure to start and 2 years down the line I'm getting pressure to stop. I've learnt that you can't win as a parent. Try not to feel guilty, it all evens out in the end.

Honestly the whole breastfeeding thing will be tomorrow's chip paper before you know it.

And his family want you to breastfeed? They can fuck off

While I’m not sure how other people’s experience helps here are mine.
Both exclusively FG
DD generally pretty healthy apart from a bit of asthma, scored the highest in her school in Y6 SATS, scholarship to Private Secondary and all grade 9 GCSEs
DS almost 6ft at only 13, above average intelligence but a bit lazy and NEVER ill. Plays Basketball at County level
No regrets at all, had no intention of ever BF and I’m very glad I wasn’t persuaded otherwise

My DD was IUGR, lost 11% of her birth weight and was nearly admitted to hospital while I tried to establish BF. We moved onto formula after a couple weeks of her not getting enough breast milk.

You’ll be told you didn’t try hard enough, should have seemed out more support, should have pumped to build your supply ect. Try not to take it to heart, those who successfully breastfed clearly don’t understand the extent of the struggle we go through to try. Breastfeeding is hard for almost everybody, but it’s harder for some than others.

I let her comfort feed while formula feeding but while monitoring her weight it was clear we needed fo keep upping the formula until that was exclusive anyway, she still latches for comfort for a couple weeks but naturally weaned away.

She’s now a very healthy 2 year old, she’s very advanced for her age and has absolutely no health issues. Barely gets a sniffle!

What you choose to do is for the benefit of you child, no one can judge you for doing what is best. Ignore the comments from family/friends - you know you’ve tried and are doing your own best.

My ds was similar to yours, expressed breast milk for 3 months, supplemented by formula then formula after 3 months.
He was born prematurely and was bottle fed due to a fair bit of pressure from the hospital, surprisingly.
He's 9 now and does have a medical issue with his bowel although whether from feeding, being prem or just one of those things we'll probably never know.
Apart from that though he's healthy, bright and happy and I rarely give much thought to what he was fed in his first few months.
Please try to let go of the guilt I'm sure you're doing a fab job!

Breastfeeding is great
Formula feeding is great
A combination of these things is great

The absolute best thing though is a mother enjoying her baby, free from guilt about how it is fed.

You've done so well managing to try and to express for as long as you have
It's hard not to sometimes, but try not to see breastmilk as the 'angel' and formula as 'the devil'- whilst of course breast feeding is the ideal it certainly doesn't mean that formula is going to harm your baby or mean they don't develop perfectly well...indeed I know two mums who were unable to breastfeed as they couldn't produce milk, so formula can literally be a lifesaver, and their babies are still perfectly happy and healthy.
The most important thing is that your baby has a mummy who is happy and healthy herself rather than stressed and guilt ridden.It's cruel and unhelpful of people to comment, especially as you've tried your best at breastfeeding and it's out of your control that you can't do so.
Tell them where to go and try to ignore it- you sound like a great mum so believe that you're doing your best and that is more than good enough xx

RosesAndHellebores your last paragraph is so, so true.