Want to hear from parents who formula fed babies

[Cookiemonster2022]

Hi,
FTM here of 2.5 months old baby who never latched. So, I had to give him bottle and then nipple confusion happened which just made things worse.
I pumped breast milk for 2.5 months but not really got much milk so baby is primarily on hipp organic.
I feel guilty that I didn't give my baby best start by unable to breastfeed. It keeps going in my mind on and on. Also, there is pressure from DH's family for breastfeeding. I worry that I should have tried harder but I didn't.

Can some of you parents who have formula fed babies share your experiences and help put my mind at ease. Thanks and have a good day.

Op, I was the same as you .. but being a relaxed parent when feeding is far more important in the long run for you DC. Invest in a prep machine and have one in your room and one in the kitchen.. I only twigged onto that with DC 2!! Could have saved myself a lot of nighttime hassle !it really doesn’t matter in the end as there’s so much more to parenting, you can’t tell when they are all at school who was breast fed or not! X

Do not feel guilty, as long as baby is fed, that is what matters.
My first was formula fed as he struggled to latch, I had all the guilt too, from family etc.
My second, I brought bottls and formula ready and had no guilt, but he latched on and breast fed for 7 months.
Also my breastfed child has numerous allergies, my formulafed child has non. Something that back in the day I was told would be the other way around.
Be kind to yourself, feed your baby and have lots of cuddles, you're doing a great job.

Oh I went through hell and enormous pressure from midwives/hv to breast feed with no approval to switch to ff despite two bouts of mastitis and an abscess. Those first 8 weeks were utterly miserable and I was then wracked with guilt.

I am very pleased to hear some data about ff/bf now emerging. I don't feel anyone should be pressured to bf in an environment where clean water is plentiful.

DS was switched to formula at 8 weeks. DD was breast fed until 8 months.

DS: had bronchiolitis, asthma, eczema
DD: had bronchiolitis, asthma, eczema
Both significantly better by toddlerhood and pretty much cleared up by 6/7.

DS: Academically high achieving and a talented sportsman.
DD: Academically high achieving and a talented musician.
One did their first degree at Oxford, the other Cambridge.

Highly secret info about breastfeeding. The children don't remember and it forms a miniscule part of being a mother. It's much more important to get right the bits they do remember:

Comforting them after their first graze
Yelling encouragement as they get their first goal/try
Applauding their first solo
Making their favourite dinners - which they do remember!
Supporting them through exams and their trials and tribulations
Mopping their tears when they break up with their first boyfriend/girlfriend
Meeting the school bus with a smile and later standing at arrivals when they've been away for months.............

Very similar to you- I attempted breastfeeding, he lost so much weight he was nearly hospitalised so I switched to FF and expressed for 3 months. I'm proud I expressed- it was hard work and essentially like feeding him twice in terms of the amount of time it took.
I did feel horribly guilty initially though. I think I perhaps tried harder with weaning as a result and made everything from scratch.
He's now 5 1/2 and a bright, funny, healthy boy.

I never BFd either of my children . They are both adults now and have never had any illness or ailment. Don't beat yourself up, op.

OP, my generation (baby boomers) was overwhelmingly bottle fed. We are the longest lived and healthiest generation in history.
My own DDs were bottle fed. They both graduated from Russell group universities and are v physically fit - keen Munro baggers, have completed a marathon, do martial arts etc. DD1 has an IQ over 160.
Formula milk is not poison! It contains better iron and vitamin D levels than breast milk. The manufacturers would not be permitted to sell a toxic product.
Please ditch your guilt. Once past weaning, you will wonder why you ever wasted so much angst on something that really doesn’t matter two hoots.

I was in a similar situation, pumped and fed bm and formula for 3 months but lost supply as baby wouldn't latch properly.

He is perfectly healthy and doing well developmentally, if anything it saved our sanity as I was getting no sleep and extremely stressed trying to bf, started hating feeding my DS when I should have been enjoying it.

Told my dh to tell mil to sod off about bf, if I ever have another I will formula feed as well.

My dd is 10 now....she was always formula fed (l didn't even try to breastfeed) and l never understood where the breast is best theory came from. Best for who? All my friends who breastfed didn't have babies who slept....mine was an angel in that department cos l knew exactly how much milk she had had so l was always nice and rested. Other people could feed her which was a great bonus!
And her friend who was breast fed gets every sickness bug going whereas my dd barely gets any illnesses so l don't even agree with the immune system argument.
And where your baby is older, it is all just a distant memory so do what is best for you and ditch the mum guilt.

@cookiemonster2022 honestly the only mantra you need to focus on is "fed is best"

How that happens is irrelevant imo.

My husband was fully formula fed and went to both Oxford and Cambridge universities and is NEVER ill. He’s skinny and doesn’t have asthma or any of the things he’s supposedly at risk of. Your baby is fed, that’s all that matters.

I’m a formula baby - I left school top of my year, I have a PhD in a ‘hard science’ subject, am studying for an MBA, and am otherwise reasonably healthy. I did breastfeed my own (but that was easier as the first had allergies). But if breastfeeding was really going to make a difference I’d be bloody Einstein!

It’s hard when the reality of motherhood doesn’t match what your pictured, but by the time your child is at school nobody will even care.

We’re FF our DD out of pure choice. I love the freedom it gives me to do my own thing and the opportunity it gives my DH to spend time with our DD. My sister also FF both her DC from birth and they’re absolutely perfect.

You’re feeding your baby everything they need, it’s all that matters. Try to focus on the baby and not how they’re fed OP, you’re doing such a great job by making sure your child is fed :-)

I felt vey guilty for not breastfeeding my DS when he was born. I tried but he lost so much weight in the first few weeks I switched to FF. i felt guilty for a long time but by the time I had my DD 3 years later that guilt had gone. She was FF too. They are 17 and 13 now and are happy, healthy children, rarely ill, bright and full of life. None of it matters past the baby stage. As long as your baby is fed and loved that’s all that matters.

DD1 was bottlefed (induction, had no milk, no support....)

At about 2/3 months I managed to convert her to BF. It was challenging but it's possible - DM me if you're interested

It may go against what you wished/dreamed for your child but the important thing is their development and happiness breast is best but fed is better than the alternative!

@elenacampana

We’re FF our DD out of pure choice. I love the freedom it gives me to do my own thing and the opportunity it gives my DH to spend time with our DD. My sister also FF both her DC from birth and they’re absolutely perfect.

You’re feeding your baby everything they need, it’s all that matters. Try to focus on the baby and not how they’re fed OP, you’re doing such a great job by making sure your child is fed :-)

I was the same so didn’t have any guilt that some posters refer to - and there is 100% no need to feel at all guilty. Formula gives babies as excellent start in life. It’s an amazing product - we’re lucky to have it.

Honestly a fed baby is the main thing and that's what you have done. My DS was a premie I missed lots of things most consider "normal" post birth as he was in NICU and I was in ICU after his birth. Personally my view is different due to these circumstances I suspect but I genuinely didn't care about BF (due to trauma of the birth I didn't get any milk) I just wanted DS to be ok. He was FF and is now a gorgeous 4yo with no issues from not being breast fed.

@Parker231

I often feel older if I’m deficient in some sort of mothering instinct because I have no desire to do it and I feel no guilt at all! I can hear my DH downstairs now chatting away to the baby after he’s given her a bottle and she’s busy chirruping back at him. Meanwhile, I’ve had a shower and I’m doing my makeup. It just seems to work well for us and the baby is a happy little thing and she’s gaining weight well.

I hope the OP comes to terms with how she feels and enjoys her little one for all the loveliness they can still share together :-)

*feel older should say wonder!

Tried breastfeeding and it was shit and DD wasn't particularly happy either. Combi fed for a bit too but still wasn't great. Then she was put on Gaviscon and it was the perfect excuse to fully swap to bottles. She's 10 now, smart, healthy, active and pretty awesome (biased I know). She rarely gets ill and never really that poorly with it. She's fine.

My milk never properly arrived, both babies lost too much weight so had to introduce formula. I felt guilty both times - but with hindsight you get caught up in lack of sleep and don’t think that clearly… I was completely formula fed and am perfectly fine! I had nothing to feel guilty about, I did my best and my children are now very healthy 5 and 3 year olds.

Wanted to bf and couldn’t, cried about it a lot at the time. DC are intelligent, healthy teenagers heading for university.
We really should get out of this mindset of making mothers who formula feed feel guilty. It’s ridiculous.

I was in your position and cried for weeks with the guilt of not being able to breastfeed. DS was in SCBU from birth and it really hindered my ability to feed.

With hindsight, I wish I’d been kinder to myself. He is now 8 years old, healthy and happy and no different to a breastfed baby. I know it’s easy for me to say this with 8 years of perspective, but please don’t beat yourself up over this. One day it won’t matter to you at all.

Please don't beat yourself up OP! I had twins, they are both 20 years old now. They never latched on in hospital and I never managed to breast feed. We are close, they have always been healthy, it's had no impact! Please stop worrying and bottle feed if it works better for you and baby.

Can some of you parents who have formula fed babies share your experiences and help put my mind at ease.

I had 3 DC

Never wanted to breastfeed so didn't.

That's the end of my experience really, other than to say I now have 3 very healthy adult DC.