Want to hear from parents who formula fed babies

[Cookiemonster2022]

Hi,
FTM here of 2.5 months old baby who never latched. So, I had to give him bottle and then nipple confusion happened which just made things worse.
I pumped breast milk for 2.5 months but not really got much milk so baby is primarily on hipp organic.
I feel guilty that I didn't give my baby best start by unable to breastfeed. It keeps going in my mind on and on. Also, there is pressure from DH's family for breastfeeding. I worry that I should have tried harder but I didn't.

Can some of you parents who have formula fed babies share your experiences and help put my mind at ease. Thanks and have a good day.

I find people always act as if BF is something everyone should be able to do, if you just try hard enough and have enough support, because in the pasta formula didn't exist.
The reality is, in the past before formula, babies died regularly from either milk not coming through (and not being able to provide enriched milk from another source) or the common cause "failed to thrive" which usually meant they weren't getting enough milk from mum.
Formula has saved the lives of millions upon millions of babies. For people to villify it is ridiculous. Breast feeding is not always an option, but even if it is it should be a choice.
When you look around the world at all the functioning adults, you can tell who was FF or who was breastfed. So long as baby is fed and happy, and you are sane and happy, then no choice is the wrong one.

My 2 were ff fed, I had an awful time trying to breathing feed DS 1 and couldn't talk about it without becoming tearful for a long time. Both got it for the first few days but we had to switch to formula.
Now they're 21 and 18, both over 6 ft and even when they were very young didn't seem to get as many illnesses as some of their friends.
Your baby will be fine with formula.

www.amazon.co.uk/Breastfeeding-Trauma-Matter-Pinter-Matters/dp/1780666152/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

This is a good book. She’s also worth a follow on facebook if you use it.

I only produced tiny amounts of milk with my first and we were re admitted and put on a gruelling feeding plan that frankly sent me spiralling into awful depression. When I had my second I’d had time to see my first grow into an amazing, bright, active and funny child so I had no qualms whatsoever about ff. I was so much better emotionally second time around and my baby is doing amazing. Your baby will thrive on formula

Please don't feel bad! I FF. I tried to BF but after day 2 and she just couldn't I thought why on earth am I stressing about this, just give her a bottle. She loved them. And dh could help.

They need feeding. They need a happy mum. Don't beat yourself up xx

And as a pp said they all end up only wanting nuggets in the end!!

I love all the nugget and chips comments here! So true for me at least. I was so bothered about how DS initially fed, and now when we’re out it’s unthinkable for him to have anything other than nuggets even though I SWORE my child would eat from the kids menu before I had him!

Honestly, having spoken to a couple of first year primary school teachers they can’t tell any difference between breast or formula fed kids.
What they can spot a mile off are the kids who have been read to and had bedtime stories vs those that haven’t. If you invest even a small daily amount of time reading to your DC it will be a truly worthwhile investment and will hopefully negate any feeding guilt!

I've bottle fed all 3 of mine. Tried with the first but I was 18, I didn't have a clue and not a single person in the hospital or any of the midwifes that came to visit gave me any advice, and I was too embarrassed to ask. My baby was screaming with hunger and I felt like a terrible mother so gave him formula. Didn't even try with the second because I was so put off by the first. With the third I was absolutely determined. I had low iron, high blood pressure and my milk just wasn't coming in. I persevered for 8 weeks and "topped up" with formula, but the topping up was basically full bottles. My health visitor basically told me it was time to give up. I think she could see that my mental health was suffering and was worried I would end up as depressed as I did with my second. I was so ashamed and felt so guilty. Everytime I see people breastfeeding now I feel quite upset, but all my kids are big healthy children. No health issues, I've rarely ever had a trip to the doctor. They are fine.

I FF my DD as after the birth I was so ill that my milk dried up. I tried to pump but there wasn't enough there. I had no choice but to FF as she was losing weight.
She's almost 2 now and I doubt anyone would be able to tell how she was fed.

It was easier being FF as her dad could get more involved, much easier on days out as can just take plenty of little milk cartons. Best thing we did was by a perfect prep machine and we moved it upstairs in the end to avoid all the screaming when it took too long to make up a bottle.

The only issue we encountered was she will not give up the formula. She refuses cows milk so she still has 2 bottles of formula a day.

My second baby is due in a few weeks and although I'll try to breastfeed, I won't beat myself up about not being able to as much as the first time.

This was my first experience of mum guilt. I barely produced any milk and my baby list so much weight the midwife said he would need admission to hospital if he lost any more. She then suggested formula and it was life changing - he was fed, happier and slept longer. I was also happier seeing a contented baby but still felt incredibly guilty.
At my 6 week post natal check with my gp he asked me how baby was feeding and I burst into tears saying I couldn’t breast feed so baby was formula fed. His words ‘ my dear, you are feeding your baby, he’s healthy and happy. Please no more tears!’ Maybe I needed to hear that from a health care professional but it stopped me feeling so bad.
When he started school you honestly cannot tell how each child was fed at the beginning.
My baby is 20 next month. He’s happy, healthy, bright and fabulous!!

Please try and put the guilt aside, breastfeeding is only way to feed a baby and it’s not going to work for everyone. Concentrate on enjoying your baby.

I formula fed my babies.

My first was because she was too early. Too tiny. I couldn’t express. I Dana he’s my breast tissue trying so hard. How is that normal?!? I so wanted to breast feed my child that I damaged myself.

My second I had a bleed on my brain and damaged my pituitary gland which produces he hormones needed for breast milk. Couldn’t do it now if I wanted to.

Both my children are wonderfully healthy. Any issues are usually from their prematurity. They both need very high calorie formula.

Don’t beat yourself up. It happens. We all probably beat ourselves up at the time. Though I ended up very sick after both my babies were born.

Life happens. We’ve got formula. You tried. That’s all you can do. You’re an amazing mum without breast feeding!!

My eldest was only ever formula bottle bed. She's the one working and doing a part time MA - no chance of the others going to uni (who were all breast fed).

It's made zero difference. Of course breast milk is preferable as it's tailor made for humans. You are amazing that you pumped for so long giving him those early weeks of your milk has made a positive difference.

It does feel like a massive deal during the early years but fed is best and we're privileged enough to live somewhere where bottle feeding is a safe alternative.

Be kind to yourself

My son is 3, never even tried to breastfeed. I don't feel guilty at all, he is happy and healthy and that's all that matters.

I was devastated to be unable to breastfeed and I tried everything. I was making myself ill with it all. I had the best health visitor who gave me a hug and said that DS was doing fine. That in some houses she went into she saw what the general family diet was like and she knew she had to get the baby breastfed as that was the last decent meal it would have. But that wasn't the case for us so I needed to move on from the guilt over breastfeeding.

My DCs are now teenagers, very healthy and happy. With DC 2 I tried breastfeeding but when it didn't work I didn't beat myself up over it and my mental health was much better for taking that approach.

Not saying it was easy though - everyone I knew was breastfeeding their babies and sometimes I was embarrassed to get out the bottle at baby groups etc.

@SpiceRat

Similar here. My dd had a “good latch” according to mw and consultants but my nipples pissing with blood so much so looked like a little vampire disagreed. Even now at 5 months she’s a crazy latcher on the bottle. I had all the guilt and shame and negative emotions as nothing had gone to plan in the birth and now the one thing I really wanted wasn’t going to plan either. FF saved me, saved her and saved us both. I know if I hadn’t of switched I would have really gone down a bad route. A friend sent me the first image, the words helped.

You’re doing amazingly and no one should shame you for doing what’s best for you and your baby. Everyone’s child and experience is different and if your partners family don’t understand that limit your interaction with them and learn to shut down their ignorance.

2nd photo just for a laugh as it’s pretty true.

🤣😂 you beat me to the meme

@Cookiemonster2022

Hi, FTM here of 2.5 months old baby who never latched. So, I had to give him bottle and then nipple confusion happened which just made things worse. I pumped breast milk for 2.5 months but not really got much milk so baby is primarily on hipp organic. I feel guilty that I didn't give my baby best start by unable to breastfeed. It keeps going in my mind on and on. Also, there is pressure from DH's family for breastfeeding. I worry that I should have tried harder but I didn't.

Can some of you parents who have formula fed babies share your experiences and help put my mind at ease. Thanks and have a good day.

Oh l hear you

If it helps, I have one child I breastfed for 2.5 years. Their young sibling about 2 months.

They are as healthy, clever, kind etc as each other.

BF is great if it works. If it doesn't, formula is an amazing alternative

I couldn't breastfeed either of mine, never had enough milk. Please do not beat yourself up and tell DH to tell his family where to go! It's not breast is best, it's fed is best! You're doing a great job!

There is nothing wrong with bottle feeding. I hate that women are made to feel guilty for doing this.

Both my DDs were bottle fed for reasons I won't go into because it doesn't matter. Both now in their 20s and both happy and healthy.

My siblings and I were formula fed.
Great relationship with our mum, all of us secure/happy with no health issues.

NRTFT

1 I managed to pump a little for 8 weeks, rest of the time formula
2 I mixed breast and bottle for first4 months, no confusion, she didn’t care where her food came from
3 I gave up even trying to BF within a few days for personal reasons.

Absolutely no issues with any of my 3 and I don’t feel guilty at all they are all healthy happy children.

I was you nearly 16 years ago. BF was hell but "persevered" for 8/9 weeks. It was finally the words of 2 health professionals who got me to admit FF was the best for my DD (who is now the most amazing person, soon to sit GSCEs, predicted 8 &9s).

1. One of the nurses in the Neo-natal unit. We ended up back in hospital when DD was few days old and had developed jaundice. Not feeding probably, not gaining weight. We were eventually, kind of back on track. This wonderful nurse as we were discharged said "Really, do not fret about it too much. IF BF does work, great. But if not, it really doesn't matter. She needs love, cuddles and to be fed. BF/FF she will thrive, Just feed her the best way for everyone"

2. My amazing Health Visitor (they do exist). At yet another weigh in when DD was barely growing, and I was in tears again at the pain of BF...she sais "Fuckety, if you want my permission to stop BF you have it. You Do.Not.Need.It. It really doesn't matter. And believe me, at DD's first birthday, her fifth birthday, her first day of school, her last day of school, her wedding...you will not give a stuff what went into her gob when she was a baby. You really, really won't.". And do you know what, she was right. We switched to FF and first night DD slept through. And I am looking across at her now so utterly proud of her. Does it matter she was FF? Not.In.The.Slightest.

Feed you baby. Cuddle them. Love them. FF/BF - meh. Who cares. Your baby doesn't. And won't.

I gave up after 5 days. It was unquestionably the best decision I made in those early days. I could have tried and kept going and it may have worked out but I hated every moment and would get so upset and/or resentful when DS wanted feeding. FF worked so much better for us and DS is a healthy (and very noisy...) 2.5 year old. There's no difference between him and peers who were BF.

You have given your baby the best start. They are fed, loved and are presumably thriving. Parenting is a long game and how they are fed for a tiny part of their lives really is no big deal although I know it feels huge when you are in the moment.
I have 3 children who were formula fed, all are bright healthy kids.

Please don’t feel guilty. I couldn't make BF work so ended up FF. My child is now 4 and no heath issues, rarely gets unwell with colds etc. It’s your body and no one should shame you. Your baby will be fine.

I bf DD, ff DS from the start. DS is 16months and it already feels completely irrelevant - in a year you will not be worrying about this, so don’t let worry affect your time with your tiny baby now!
I fully support bf if people can/ are able/ want to do it, but I have to say I was a lot less tired with DS as DH could feed him in the night, and I also felt like myself again and had more freedom to leave him with DH/ relatives sooner.

I had no intention of ever BF my DD. I did pump for a few months so she was mix fed but I didn’t want to BF. No one ever said anything negative to me (possibly because they knew they would get a strip torn off them if they did) and even the MW were supportive which I didn’t really expect.

Bought the PerfectPrep when DD was three weeks old and never looked back.

DD is now 8 years old. She is the tallest in her class and also the brightest/most academic. She has only ever had chicken pox and had antibiotics once in her life. She is really healthy.

In a nut shell, no one can tell how she was fed for the first 6 -12 months of her life.

You feed your child how best suits you with no guilt - ever!