I swapped my 14yr olds bedroom and he's not dealing with it

[Syndarella]

Hi, i have a 14yr old son, only child, whilst he was away for the weekend i moved him into a bigger bedroom in the house, and made his old bedroom the study/ toyroom, he was not happy about it, wanted his old room back, i bribed him by getting him a tv for his room still wasn't happy then we painted the other room and built him a shelf for his trophies and he wanted to put his surfboard rack in there, i thought all was good and it was for a little while, fast forward his Dad has had an accident and is in the hospital for a while and he's dealing ok when he wants to but now hes asking to go back in his old room again, he tells me his old room is part of him and was where he belonged and now i make him feel like i dont accept him for who he is, and im not understanding him, i feel like he is upset about his dad and wants to be in that room because everything was ok when he was in there but he tells me its not he has just been pretending to be ok in his new room the whole time, i dont know what to do about it, i dont want to change his room back because alot of work and money has gone into changing everything and he was ok for months in there but im sick of fighting with him about it all the time HELP

Did he agree to the move in the first place ?

You didn't ask beforehand?

Did you discuss a room change with him beforehand?

If it means that much to him I would allow him to move back without redoing any decoration

You moved his room while he was away?? Why on earth would you do that?
Was he expecting it?

Why does a 14 yo need a toy room?

Honestly if you did it without his knowledge I think you need to swap it back. It isn't like he's being greedy, he just wants his small room back. Some people feel safer and ore secure in small rooms.

Did you not involve him?

Let him move back
He can do most of it himself

If he didn't agree to the move then I think the only thing you can do is accept you made a mistake and move him back. Forget the 'work and money' - your relationship with your son is far more important.

You erased his life without even telling him? 🤦‍♀️
Oh dear. Just move him back, poor thing.

Move him back! His room, his choice.

Have a huge office.

Move him back to his old room.

Even if you discussed it beforehand, if he hates it can't you just move it back? People prefer quite specific things in a room/home just because you think a bigger room is better doesn't mean he does. I always prefer small cosy spaces. I think he should get a choice since it sounds like the room is spare anyway.

Sorry, but if you actually moved all his stuff into a new room while he was away for the weekend and hadn't discussed it with him first, it's not surprising he's still unhappy about it. Sometimes there are reasons why teenagers might have to switch rooms even if they'd prefer not to (accommodating siblings, parents needing space for work) but there's no excuse for at least explaining it to them first. And if there was no pressing reason for the switch, it's even less understandable. In that case, let him move back.

Money and effort is nothing by comparison to your son's happiness and mental health, let the lad move back.

We redecorated DDs room last year, she was 14.

We asked her in advance what she would like and she got very distressed saying her room was how she wanted it and like your DS is was part of her and who she was (it hadn't been redecorated since she was little, had broken bedslats and was a mess)

It took her a couple of months to agree to the change and engage with the process. If we had changed anything without her permission or as a surprise she would have been distraught.

I'd let him move back in but without doing any redecoration, it doesn't really matter where he sleeps does it.

Just move him back. He’s 14, he can do it himself

You shouldnt have moved his things while he was away, thats a massive invasion of his privacy, he is 14 not 4. Let him back into his old room and apologise to him. Hope hid dad recovers soon.

You shouldn’t have done it without discussing it with him first and he wasn’t ok in there for months, he told you right away he wanted to move back into his old room.
I appreciate you have spent time and money on it but given that you should have checked first. I am also guessing that as you did it while he was away he hadn’t had much input into the room either

Let him move back. I was moved into another room when I was a teenager qnd absolutely hated it and couldn't sleep. Seems illogical, irrational etc and I can't explain it as it was a bigger nicer room but I lasted one night and went straight back into my old one. I asked to move as well because my sister had just moved out so I wanted a bigger room, but it wasn't mine and I hated it. So moved back!

Just let him move back to his old room. This really isnt worth the aggro. The money is spent. Weve all made costly mistakes at some point. You just deal with it. Was your mistake, not his

At 14 I would've been angry if my parents moved my room without my permission. It would've felt like an invasion of my privacy. You needed to ask him first and have his co-operation.

Yes it’s your house and your rules, but it’s not like he can just move out as he is a minor still. Regardless of that anyway he is family so why would you just swap his room without talking to him about it? Would you do that to your mum/dad/adult sister if they lived with you?

I think you should swap it back and in future you should include family in the plans if it affects them, as that’s just common courtesy.

Swap it back together.
And move on.
What a pointless fight.

I have a 14yo, it's a very sensitive time (GCSEs, homework, friends, puberty) and no way would I kick him out of his pit room without his agreement. I think you need to own that you made a mistake and let him move back.

Move him back. It's his own domain within the house.