DH self referred for therapy, and social services want to see us. I’m very upset. What will happen?

[Worriedandsad88]

DH has anger problems. It’s very rare, but every now and again he loses his temper and shouts and it’s not good. This isn’t something that has affected the children much, but the last time he shouted we talked long and hard about it and he agreed he needed therapy as we think this is behaviour learned in his childhood and we don’t want the cycle repeated.

He got his self referral through, spoke to an therapist who said he’d get someone to talk to in January.

Then she called again today and said that social services want to come and speak to me and maybe the children.

I understand they need to make sure they’re safe. But I have been crying about this since the call. DH is also very down.

Will they contact the children’s school?

Life feels a mess.

Nothing matters more than my children’s happiness to me. I can’t believe social services want to see them.

Any advice on what’s to happen next will be greatly appreciated!

@Anotherboy

We went through a very similar thing this year, my dp sounds exactly the same as yours, aside from the fact that my dp did end up hurting one of our dc. Not badly, but obviously completely unacceptable and an inevitable escalation without any intervention in my opinion. I made him call the Drs (who prescribe his meds) and we knew full well ss would be called. They were lovely and helpful and a good source of support and information. It's great your dh is being so open and honest and wants to be better, honestly for a very shitty situation I think you're in the best starting place you can be. Having said that, it is scary, and I did cry when they called until they reassured me the kids would definitely not be taken!!

I’m sorry to hear you went through similar. I hope all is better now? How is your DP getting on?

Was the school also contacted?

I think it's fairly obvious they were contacted when that poster has said her husband went on to hurt their child, don't you?

A more appropriate response to her would have been 'I understand why they have to do it now, as your husband did hurt your child, I'm going to stop being worried about embarrassment now and focus on how they may help my husband before it's too late and our child gets hurt'

Thanks, it's still tough, it's not a problem that can be fixed easily is it, especially when it has its roots in childhood. But I am so happy dp acknowledges there is a problem and wants to work on it.

SS went into school as they had to check dc for any marks or bruises (he had none). The school didn't contact me about it, SS told us, and I was glad they took it seriously. I've never felt judged or treated any differently by anyone at the school, and in my case it felt good to have someone else to talk about it with, who could give a professional opinion and put days behaviour into perspective.

Sorry you're going through this

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

I think it's fairly obvious they were contacted when that poster has said her husband went on to hurt their child, don't you?

A more appropriate response to her would have been 'I understand why they have to do it now, as your husband did hurt your child, I'm going to stop being worried about embarrassment now and focus on how they may help my husband before it's too late and our child gets hurt'

Actually I have to agree with @NeverDropYourMooncup now. I was sympathetic before, having been through similar, but I am truly astonished that your response to a story about a father hurting a child, was to ask whether the school was contacted.

It makes me much more worried about what's really going on, and how much you have either been normalised to extreme anger OR whether you're actually collaborating by hiding it due to your own ego.

You've got to give yourself a shake and put your children's needs before your own desire to appear ok with the school.