What's it like, formula feeding your newborn?

[stalebananabread]

I'm not here for a breast v bottle debate! I breastfed my first baby for a year, exclusively for the first six months. While it was brilliant in many ways, it was also incredibly hard. She refused a bottle so I had no respite, and the sleep deprivation and pressure of being the only source of food triggered a crushing PND. I always said I wouldn't do it again.

I gave birth to our beautiful second baby four days ago. He latched immediately, so here we are - back at the beginning of our breastfeeding journey. I had forgotten just how hard it is. He has a tongue-tie (hopefully to be snipped) and is a big, hungry baby. He's feeding constantly. I'm shattered. My daughter is struggling and she needs me, but I'm glued to the sofa. I've had about nine hours sleep in total since I went into labour. I honestly don't think I can do this again and it's making me feel very tearful and low. I hated expressing, so that's off the table. I just want to give him formula and start enjoying my beautiful boy.

So please, formula parents, tell me what it's like? What does your day look like with your new baby? What are the challenges? What do you love about it? Did your midwife or HV help you?

I know that, nutritionally, breast milk is better. But nurturing a baby is about more than just food. Any advice or reassurance would be so appreciated.

Well done for putting your mental health first, its so important that mum is happy first and foremost.

lots of great advice already given so not much to add apart from (if you can afford it) 2 prep machines, one for bedroom and one for kitchen. Is an absolute lifesaver for us.

i loved bottled feeding once i got over the initial guilt, but it ended up being much better for us as a family. Once you fall into a routine its really like second nature and i like that i can plan my days around her feeds without worrying she’ll have a meltdown at any point.

Also not sure why its been a faff for everyone else but washing a few bottles and sterilisation really isn’t that hard/bad. it takes up 5 mins of my day Maximum.

OP, I won't add much as I think there's lots of practical tips here. Just one thing based on both personal and anecdotal experience of me and many of my friends - the NHS guidance is not to introduce a bottle until at least 6 weeks I think but we all followed the guidance of some woman who was bf consultant "to the stars" - I can't for the life of me remember her name - and her advice was introduce a bottle early, even if you're planning to BF, so the baby gets used to it. And it definitely worked for everyone I knew who followed that process. I'll see if I can track down the book.

Also, agree 100% that especially when they are tiny, having instant milk is incredibly helpful and reassuring. Even as they got older we always had a bit on hand for emergencies.

Found it: this one

Obviously, my sample size is small but it was given to me by a friend who had found it worked for her and she had it from a friend in the same situation and, according to Amazon, I can see I bought it twice - neither at a time when I was BF and I know at least 2 women I gave it to who found the advice helpful and practical.

I combi fed my first - full disclosure I hated it and much preferred EBF. It was so much easier not to have to make up bottles.

That said, combi feeding could help you here. Best advice I have would be swap out a day time feed. Perhaps mid morning or mid afternoon first. See how baby does with it. Leave it a week and introduce a second day time bottle if you want. That way your supply will adapt.

I did 10am and 3pm bottles. He had breast feeds at 7,1,7,10 and over night. I'd always say keep the overnight feeds as it's so much easier and less hassle. Plus it got them back to sleep quicker. By 6 months they had both dropped the lunch time feed so I was only feeding him 3 times a day.

This big con though is that formula can bring its own problems. My son is allergic to milk and this wasn't picked up for a while. He'd projectile vomit after all formula bottles but not after my milk. Once it was diagnosed he has special formula which didn't come pre mixed so I had to do all the long winded formula make up outside the home.

This is why I'd suggest a day time feed first. If they are going to react or have issues with reflux etc it's easier to deal with in the day than just before bed or in the middle of the night.

I also didn't find combi feeding freed up any time for me. Yes other people could feed him but tbh apart from weekends it was me feeding him as I was home. If it was during this current time I'd have even less reasons to be away and therefore not feed him.

@BlingLoving

OP, I won't add much as I think there's lots of practical tips here. Just one thing based on both personal and anecdotal experience of me and many of my friends - the NHS guidance is not to introduce a bottle until at least 6 weeks I think but we all followed the guidance of some woman who was bf consultant "to the stars" - I can't for the life of me remember her name - and her advice was introduce a bottle early, even if you're planning to BF, so the baby gets used to it. And it definitely worked for everyone I knew who followed that process. I'll see if I can track down the book.

Also, agree 100% that especially when they are tiny, having instant milk is incredibly helpful and reassuring. Even as they got older we always had a bit on hand for emergencies.

I'd agree with this. But I do think whether a breastfed baby takes a bottle is such a matter of luck.

I introduced a bottle to both mine in the same way at the same age (a week or so old) eldest happily combi fed and went between. He loved his dummy too. Youngest HATED the bottle and dummies 🤷🏼‍♀️

You sound very conflicted, I have been with my 2nd/3rd.
I tried very hard to feed my 1st but couldn’t and it gave me PND for feeling so guilty.
I tried very hard to feed my 2nd and managed it but it gave me PND because I was absolutely anxious and exhausted - a wreck!!
I don’t think formula is a magical fix it all, it is very easy though. I don’t understand why people make it sound so complicated, the prep machine is amazing!!
But also, your baby has tongue tie (?), breastfeeding might be a lot easier if that’s clipped. If it’s something you want could you go private?
But equally if it’s not what you want, don’t feel guilty. I’ve formula fed, breastfed for over 3 years & now breastfeeding my 8 month old & I love them all equally. I am bonded with them all & it doesn’t matter x

I have very long boobs though & can certainly look into my babies eyes when he’s breastfeeding

@peachgreen

The risk from not sterilising powder is massively overstated anyway. Once DD's dairy allergy was diagnosed she was put onto special prescription formula which you make up with cold water, so no sterilisation. Hundreds of thousands of babies are the same.

Thank you for saying this. I looked into it once out of interest and was shocked to see how non existent the risks are. I think the NHS deliberately gives women this impression that formula is dangerous and the advise they give is to make it as faffy as possible. Imo.

@Franca123 @peachgreen yes yes. I always found the guidelines so weird and irrational. I couldn't work out why inert powder, used at the last minute was considered so much worse than powder that is heated, then cooled, then heated again.

FF two babies from about 6 weeks (and mixed feeding before that) and we were obsessive about cleaning and sterilising bottles but then used boiled water and made up the powder as required. Know LOADS of people who did the same but often on MN I'd see people suggesting that and getting accused of guaranteeing a slow and painful death from poison for their babies! And agree, it made bottle feeding a lot less faffy and we were almost as portable as bottle fed babies. vs the boil, shake, cool, pray-to-the-ff-gods, spin-3-times-anti-clockwise crowd....

My only experience is baby formula fed from 1 week until 6 week (gradually stopping breastfeeding) down to 1 breastfeed a day but baby was colicky. I then had to go back to breastfeeding (took weeks to increase back to exclusively) then colic all gone.

So personally I wish I hadn’t reduced the breastfeeding so much/so quick as my own experience of formula feeding was not great.

I ff my first from day 5 and second from day 1. I had a perfect prep ... amazing things! Also I used the perfect prep method so if I wanted to make a 4oz bottle I'd do 2oz boiling water mix formula and then top up 2oz cooled boiled water. My friends used to make them all u pin the morning and store in the fridge. Everyone does it differently and they all seem to work