Becoming a SAHM even if it’s a financial stretch

[Ohtheaudacity]

I have 2 DS’s, one is 4 and the other is 6 months. After DS1 was born I went back to work 28 hours a week over 4 days. I had the full year of mat leave off and felt ready to go back to work after the year was up. Since DS2 arrived I’ve had an overwhelming feeling that I don’t want to go back to work. My job is stressful, busy, with a lot of take home (both mental and physical workload). It’s simply not what I want for myself any more. The thought of doing my job plus having two young kids makes me feel overwhelmed with panic. DS2 is a happy little thing but had some health issues in the months following his birth which led to a couple of hospital admissions, once spending a week on life support. I’m sure these experiences are compounding my feelings about returning to work. My urge to keep him close and out of a childcare environment as long as possible is very strong.

I’ve done the sums and we could afford for me to stay at home by the skin of our teeth. We’d literally be surviving with no money for “fun” or a rainy day. Has anyone done this? Was it worth it? I don’t want my heart to overrule my head and I end up making the wrong decision for myself and my family.

How does your partner feel about this?

I would not be happy to live so on the edge financially. There will come a time when something breaks/needs replacing or some sort of additional expense comes up. With no rainy day find you are extremely likely to end up in debt.

* I’ve done the sums and we could afford for me to stay at home by the skin of our teeth. We’d literally be surviving with no money for “fun” or a rainy day.*

^I think you would be very irresponsible to do this.

Skin of teeth is not good
If you have chance to earn for now and future pensions etc
If ds issues are long term you may be eligible for DLA and carers allowance which might change things?

Is there any way to return with fewer hours, between 16-22 per week? The tax difference really maximises salary earnings before tax. This could allow two long or the shorter days in nursery and leave you with some money spare. Emergencies do crop up. You could also look for evening work for less pressure, casual hours and no childcare costs if your partner can be home.

Thanks for the responses. I need to hear honesty as I can’t seem to see the wood for the trees. DH is happy for me to stay at home as long as it makes financial sense. We could make some cut backs as we’re currently a bit gung ho and frivolous because we’ve been able to be… eg scrap the weekly Gousto box, weekend takeaway, takeaway coffees, music subscriptions etc.

God it’s so tough. I have until 28th feb to make a decision and I don’t feel any closer!

Nope I wouldn't do this. The stress of living so close ti the edge would be too much. I would not support my partner doing that either.

I also wouldn’t do this and live wage to wage and kids get more expensive as they get older it’s a miserable life if you’re always counting the pennies and can’t afford anything fun. The novelty will wear off fast.

@Embracelife DS’s issues aren’t long term thankfully. He was very unfortunate to catch meningitis but has made a full recovery now.

@Wooky8 in theory this would be the best of both worlds, but I’ve spoken to my manager and he’s not willing to allow me to cut my hours any further. My job has only got busier in the last 6 months, so much so he said he hoped I might consider increasing hours when I came back 🥴

@Sally872 @Bluntness100 thank you x

Well the 28th of February is some time away.

I'd bear in mind if this is literally a by the skin of your teeth equation that food, power, council tax, fuel and mortgage interest rates are all expected to go up in cost next year.

I did this when I went back after 2 DC although for me it was going back 2.5 days a week rather than the 4 days originally planned. After 3 months I realised it wasn’t workable; I was worrying about money all the time and although I had more time with my DC I’d worry about taking them places as I couldn’t really afford it and I was worrying about things like Christmas. I wanted to be able to look forward to days out etc rather than just a lot of days at home or at parks.
Since I went back 4 days it’s made life a lot less stressful; it took longer to get used to going back to work compared to when I went back after my first but now I’m in the swing of it I feel it was the right decision

I wouldn’t. It’ll be too precarious an existence. Make your cutbacks on frivolous stuff anyway - there’s nothing to be lost there - and see how much you can save. It’ll counteract childcare fees.

I feel (felt) your pain, it is tough. If there is anyway at all for you to "keep a hand in" I would even if it's a day a week. The easiest way to get a job is to have a job. You don't want to be forced back ft when your child hits school age, in lots of ways nursery is easier. Finally can your DP cut back a day a week in the short term, maybe until after Easter so LO doesn't need to go into a group childcare just yet ?

I am going back after my second mat leave on 10th January. DS1 will b 3 in march and DS2 will b 1 the week before. I am more anxious about going back this time as I am scared of how I am going to juggle everything but I genuinely want to give them a great life, holidays, days out etc so it's the right thing for me to do. Don't get me wrong if I could have those things and not work I would b all for it but I can't afford it. It's totally up to u x

everyones idea of "skin of their teeth" financially is different- what would it actually mean- how much spare cash for the family once all necessary bills are covered?

I think it depends on your husbands salary really. If it’s 100k then yes, you may just need to adjust lifestyle, if he’s on 30k then probably not. Sorry your baby was so poorly, I’m not surprised you want to stay home with him though!

Can you go back and see how it goes? You may start work, find a routine and not feel like this any more. You may hate it but can use that time to make plans such as another job with fewer hours. Keep in mind it is always easier to find a new role while you are working

I personally would not want to be struggling so much for money and prefer to work but your feelings may change and if you have tried working, you will know that it really wasnt for you

in theory this would be the best of both worlds, but I’ve spoken to my manager and he’s not willing to allow me to cut my hours any further. My job has only got busier in the last 6 months, so much so he said he hoped I might consider increasing hours when I came back

Don't just lie down and accept this. Put your request in writting and force them to respond. Suggest a graded return (possibly using parental leave) Remember your DH can take this too.

Also, would a childminder be an option for childcare? If there is one locally who takes fewer children so it is a home environment?

Could you go back on reduced hours? Or go back but find something else with reduced hours as a compromise? Maybe it's the job itself. Being a sahm really isn't all that so you at least want to be rich when you do it. :)

Absolutely no chance, with a small baby it's normal not to feel ready to go back to work yet but you will feel differently in a few months time.
You will end up in debt when you need to replace something or of the car needs a service. Your DP might end up resenting you as it will all fall to him. If he was to lose his job you would be screwed. It's stressful having no money, I definitely wouldn't recommend it. Also think of your career, in a few years time you might want to progress and will be able to. Starting again after a long break is hard you will start at the bottom of the ladder.

The thing is there is always unexpected costs. From school trousers being ripped, to the car needing work, to the washing machine going capute or someone wrong in the house.

Or the cost of living increases, fuel, commute, food, council tax,

There is always something, when my daughter was little money was tight for us, we could make ends meet on paper and did, but we have never argued so much about money in our lives, it is so stressful when an unexpected bill comes in.

It’s not something to be undertaken lightly, it really isn’t. It causes huge stress and resentment, and when you get down to you can’t even afford something like Spotify the simple answer is you can’t afford it.

Don't just lie down and accept this. Put your request in writting and force them to respond

What is this! Do you really think putting it in writing is a big deal, all they will do is respond and say what they said verbally.

My DH’s employer is incredibly backwards, it took much negotiation with them to allow him to finish one hour earlier one day a week to collect DS from school. I fear he’d be onto a loser if he asked for any more regular changes to his work pattern. He is also by far the main breadwinner and my salary has always been for fun & savings basically.

I put in a flexible working request before DS was born that was flat out declined and to be honest I do understand why. Reducing my hours would be detrimental to the business. I want to want to work, I don’t think I’m a natural SAHM, I have always valued having my own career and money should shit hit the fan in my marriage. I’m just so blinkered by what happened to DS and how close I came to losing him. I really do appreciate all the advice and have read every comment.

If your current work won't let you drop your hours could you look for something different- either with less hours or atleast less stress- presumably for less money but would give you a bit of a cushion?
Not sure what line of work your in but one option we are considering when I have to go back is for me to do casual work (as needed) so I can pick and choose my shifts and work round family/partner childcare