The truth on breastfeeding ; why I won’t breastfeed again

[blueberrybabe]

Does anyone find it annoying how the benefits of breastfeeding is shoved down your throat yet there is no guidance on weaning or other difficulties breastfeeding mums face . Majority of advice I’ve seen on those who were able to night wean had partners take over . Some of us are not so fortunate. I am struggling and I’m annoyed that I continued breastfeeding . I tried to stop at around 8 months but the health visitor told me there is no point as by 12 months my son would only be nursing twice a day maybe 3 times and wouldn’t be nursing at night . What a load of bull ! I’m realising that I shouldn’t have forced myself to breastfeed longer than I wanted to and was able to . Breastfeeding is for the mums who have supportive partners or family nearby to support them all the way from the cluster feeding stages to the weaning stages . I won’t be breastfeeding again in future .

I agree that the reality of bfing isn’t properly explained and that it can feel fairly brutal at times (although not just that for people reading). I hope you get some sleep soon.

I'm sorry you've been having a rough time. I definitely wish I'd been told to expect not to be able to move off the sofa for three months to establish feeding and that so many things can happen that are normal and nothing to stress about but just take time and patience.

But once we eventually cracked it and I could stop fretting, the images of looking down at my feeding baby clutching my finger with one hand and my boob with the other will be with me until my dying day.

It's not easy though that's for sure! Almost all the women I have met who have successfully fed for up to 2 years have struggled with something along the way.

The guidance I have turned to is from people like Lyndsey Hookway and Kathryn Stagg, and the free breastfeeding helplines from the NCT and La La Leche League. They have advice on problems and milestones/changes such as weaning too.

Sorry you’re having a tough time. For me it’s actually the opposite - everyone told me how hard, awful and sore it would be so I did so much research, courses and prep. No one told me another option was that I’d absolutely love it, we have such a bond and I have enjoyed every feed and she’s so content. I do know not every mum has the same experience, but I definitely didn’t hear any good stories before my little girl was born! I hope you feel better soon x

Hv generally worse than useless tbh. They know nothing and give wrong info.

You wouldn't be so pissed off if you had listened to your gut instead of the hv

Breastfeeding is for the mums who have supportive partners or family nearby to support them all the way from the cluster feeding stages to the weaning stages . I won’t be breastfeeding again in future .

I was a single mum and I was determined to breastfeed because I couldn’t be bothered to make up and sterilise and warm bottles in the night. It was hard first time round, establishing breastfeeding, but second time it was a breeze. Both times I absolutely adored feeding my babies. I had no support first time but breastfeeding was easier and cheaper than bottle feeding.

This is "your truth" about breastfeeding, not "the truth". It's valid and fair enough that you feel like that, but it's not "the truth" for everyone.

You are not being unreasonable to feel that way, but personally I didn’t have or need much support from my partner or wider family to breastfeed. I loved being able to just stick the baby on my boob when they were hungry. Night feeds bizarrely didn’t bother me either (with a comfy chair and some good entertainment for distraction). But I know not everyone finds it easy and yes mastitis and biting and cluster feeding can be painful and hard work. I definite feel new mums deserve more support whatever feeding choices they make.

I have to admit I’d have had absolutely no idea how to go about stopping if my toddler hadn’t eventually lost interest herself. Breastfeeding support resources are very much all about how to not stop IME.

Breastfeeding is for the mums who have supportive partners or family nearby to support them all the way

All of parenting is easier when you have a supportive partner or family nearby.

I’m sorry you’re struggling with this, and I hope your circumstances change in the future so you don’t feel so alone.

Exactly that@Wotsitsits - with my DC 13 & 11 now - I had a terrible time bf and HV were useless, conflicting advice and absolutely no help. I needed and wanted bf support and it wasn't there. I remember ringing a support line and crying while trying to feed, never was there anyone to actually watch me and tell me whether I was doing it right or what could be wrong. So much pressure to do it, so much guilt about using bottles, those bloody growth charts in the red books! By the time I started weaning I'd had enough of HVs and never listened to them and went my own way. We moved to another county and never saw a HV again- the kids survived and we all came through the other side and it's a distant memory.
Seeing people still getting upset about the same things though is maddening, I'm sorry to hear.

"Breastfeeding is for the mums who have supportive partners or family nearby to support them all the way from the cluster feeding stages to the weaning stages . I won’t be breastfeeding again in future ."

I had no support, or even friends with babies and lived hundreds of miles from my family. I just got on with it, because that's what I had to do.

Parenting is hard, for every parent. That's not a secret. There's not a single parent out there who has it all sussed and under control.

I’m a single mum and for me personally breastfeeding has been easier than bottle feeding would have been. I have nobody who would bottle feed my baby for me so it’s easier to just give a boob than faff around sterilising and making up bottles.

I'm another single mum with no backup who found breast feeding much easier. It took a couple of weeks to get technique right but then, no bottles, no sterilising, no warming, no expense, much easier to go out. And a contented baby.

Weaning was just a case of letting ds feed until he lost interest at about 18 months. I didn't make a conscious effort. Everyone is different. I'm sorry you had a tough time.

Breastfeeding once established made life much easier. I was one of those new mums who found getting out of the house hard, if I had to pack bottles and sterilise things etc or get timings right I might never have made it! Similarly it made all the difference when flying solo with my children, I didn’t have to plan and stress and have enough hands to put together a bottle on long flights, that would have been ok with a supportive partner but when you are on your own just being able to unclip your bra and feed my baby made all the difference in the world.
I agree night weaning without a partner is probably challenging. I would bottle wean for nights then night wean, thinking about it.

Your experience is in no way every woman's experience.

I had absolutely no trouble breastfeeding, no cluster feeds, slept through at 10 weeks & DD weaned herself just before a year. I still hated being tethered to her for that time though, I bonded with her more AFTER I stopped. However once DD stopped feeding at night in her own, we virtually never used it as comfort at night (not that we wouldn’t comfort her otherwise, just didn’t do that). We also had a period where she reliably was sleeping until after 6:30 & DH and I agreed that if she woke before say 5 (I can’t remember) we wouldn’t feed. I feel like this helped any backsliding into DD getting in the habit of feeding at night again. She was huge, settled well without milk and was very keen on solids though. It seems very different if you have any weight concerns about kiddos.

Breast feeding rates in the UK past 6 weeks are low, in England this is 24%. That's it. So most mothers don't choose to or are able to. Despite any promotion, most women choose or are unable to, and don't. I don't think it's fair to say that it's forced on women, when so few do it. Yes it's hard, and there are many women who face difficulties with it, not denying that, but I think the focus should remain on encouraging something that the vast majority of mothers don't or aren't able to stick with.

I am currently breastfeeding my second baby. Actually had a much harder time establishing feeding this time after an emergency section. It was pretty brutal and only salvaged by pumping 8 times a day for two weeks and giving bottle top ups until he gained weight and we transitioned back to exclusively breastfeeding.

I breastfed my first until she was 2.5 and I found the last year of that pretty tough but she would not stop. Any opportunity I have, I give the advice to stop when you feel ready. So many women post about feeling at the end of their tether with feeding and yet the advice is always how to manage those feelings and not on how to stop for your own well-being. I fed for so much longer than I wanted to out of a sense of guilt. This time I will stop when I’m ready.

Your post is unreasonable because you're trying to push your particular experience as the norm. It's your experience. It's not the "truth about breastfeeding".

Like PPs have said, I personally found BF super easy once it was established and couldn't be bothered to pump so did all the night feeds. Stopped naturally at 2.5 years.

Sorry you're having a hard time. Parenting is very hard. You could give a bottle at night if you think that will be easier?

Babies don't stop needing milk for quite a while, but hopefully yours will start sleeping through very soon. Mine I think did around 14 months and we co-slept for a while so I didn't get up at all to BF - this was much easier than if we'd used bottles. Good luck and hope your baby weans and sleeps through very soon.

I'm sorry you've struggled. But like others have said this is your truth not the truth. I did have some issues with bf, looking back I think it was thrush on my nipple but no one at the time seemed to know or care. But other than that I had no issues at all, and fed dc1 for about 20 months and dc2 for 3 years. Didn't have an overly supportive partner either tbh. And actually, other than making sure I had a drink I'm not sure what support he, or my family could give.

That doesn't mean BF isn't awful, although it seems to be a lottery as to who and what you'll get. I actually trained as a peer supporter when my dc were small and it was fab.

This is my truth . I should have written that in the title . Sorry for the post. I’m not trying to put people off breastfeeding . I’m just writing this from a place of frustration. Everyone from partner to family members kept asking me and pushing me to wean . Yes I wanted to wean too but it was honestly easier putting my baby to sleep with my breast than trying to wean. I guess I got sold this assumption that once he weans everything would be easier . And that has not been the truth . 2 weeks have gone by and he cries every night. I have to rock and walk up and down and do a lot to put him back to sleep. I feel broken. I go online for advice and a lot of the advice I see is ‘ send your toddler off to sleep with someone for a week’ . My family are not interested . My partner is not interested either even though he has been able to put him to sleep without crying . He sleeps at night with ear plugs on and with the sound machine on in one room so he doesn’t hear any crying . I’m overall feeling very frustrated and alone . It’s not even the breastfeeding that’s the main issue I guess , it’s my circumstances . But now I’m feeling this feeling of regret that I didn’t stop when I wanted to. It could have been a lot easier as my son was younger .

Yes bf is a complicated issue. Relentless and boring even. I don't believe it's better for baby after you see the stress it causes mums and families . Babies pick up on their mums stress too.

@EuromamaAussiekids I agree. Those who find it easier are those who have babies who slept through the night and self weaned naturally without fuss .

Nope. Mine didn’t sleep, weaning was ok. But breastfeeding was about the only thing that went smoothly. I hate faffing so didn’t want to sort bottles etc.
Found it one of the nicest most binding times in my children’s babyhood

Lol bonding not binding.... although either works :)