The truth on breastfeeding ; why I won’t breastfeed again

[blueberrybabe]

Does anyone find it annoying how the benefits of breastfeeding is shoved down your throat yet there is no guidance on weaning or other difficulties breastfeeding mums face . Majority of advice I’ve seen on those who were able to night wean had partners take over . Some of us are not so fortunate. I am struggling and I’m annoyed that I continued breastfeeding . I tried to stop at around 8 months but the health visitor told me there is no point as by 12 months my son would only be nursing twice a day maybe 3 times and wouldn’t be nursing at night . What a load of bull ! I’m realising that I shouldn’t have forced myself to breastfeed longer than I wanted to and was able to . Breastfeeding is for the mums who have supportive partners or family nearby to support them all the way from the cluster feeding stages to the weaning stages . I won’t be breastfeeding again in future .

@blueberrybabe maybe try the opposite then! Get him sleeping in his own cot or bed and try the method where you leave him to cry for 5 minutes before going in, then 10 minutes, then 15 each time.

Usually babies learn to fall back to sleep by themselves, but sounds like your son has trouble with that.

Do you ask him what the problem is when he wakes up? At 17 months he might be able to tell you if he's had a bad dream, is thirsty, etc. Does he use a dummy, also?

I've loved breastfeeding on the whole - more convenient (and cheaper) than formula and especially when my babies have been ill it has felt like a superpower to help calm, comfort and hydrate them.
But DD is over 2yo, she breastfeeds more now than she did at 6mo and I have no idea how to stop, and I am so fed up with it. So I agree, this bit really isn't easy!

That may be your truth OP, but it’s not ‘The’ truth.

I found breastfeeding really easy and if I’m honest, I didn’t need any support from my partner. I fed mine for a year, found it relaxing and rewarding and I missed it when I stopped.

Having said that, I don’t know why anyone that struggles with it perseveres. Babies do just fine on formula.

Oh @blueberrybabe you can feel the frustration coming off of your posts and trust me he will be too. Going cold turkey is always a tricky approach to stopping because it isnt weaning him off. Are you giving him any other milk to fill in the gap? Blue top full fat milk etc something else to fit in it.

And then you really do need to address the issue that you wont which is that you differ from so many here in that their partner was supportive - why isnt he stepping up

I was ambivalent about bf both times (was ok and easy with my first physically, just not knowing how much they were getting, pressure on me, the feeling of bf somehow was just very claustrophobic, then supply issues with my first after 12 weeks and with my second after he went on feeding strike due to undiagnosed allergies) but did it to 5 months for my babies' benefit, after getting them to accept a bottle at 4 months. I was happier for giving up and both babies were happier on the bottles at that stage, whether they could sense I hated by that point it or because of a natural supply dip or because they are quite intensely active little people who resent stopping and putting in effort to eat . Second one had allergies so had to cut a lot out of diet to bf, which I found quite miserable. Both cuddly little people (and I love the cuddles so much more than bf), no bonding issues.

I would probably do the same again, but I'd put less pressure on myself.

I think BF is like a natural birth really (which I haven't been able to have - had to have CS twice). When it goes well and suits you it is a great, lovely, magic thing (which it is in society's interest to encourage when it does go well), but when it goes badly it is pretty dire and that is why alternative options are available and everyone should have access to them without judgement.

I just want to say again that I understand how you feel and do feel the same to an extent. I would say it’s probably more of a sleeping thing than a breastfeeding thing. I never used to feed my ds to sleep but he used to really struggle to get to sleep as a newborn. Eventually when he was too heavy for rocking etc I started feeding to sleep, so for me, it’s that he always struggled with sleep and feeding is a great way to get babies to sleep until it becomes too much and isn’t working for you anymore. I think if your husband can get him to sleep, and you are having a hard time of it, it’s really quite horrible of him to not step in and help. What would he say to taking some time off work so he could help you in the nights? I know days off are precious but it could just get your little one out of the habit to have dad instead and he could rest during the day. You could even spoil him in other ways to make it a mini break. Sounds ott but I’m trying to think creatively here

@Skittles98 he doesn’t speak yet . But I always have a water bottle near me so if he’s thirsty he will drink. I make sure he’s full and warm before bed too. It’s literally a self settling problem. Tonight I’ve tried out a similar method like the one you’ve mentioned and he’s been able to fall asleep in his cot so there’s definitely been progress so far

thanks for your messages . I didn’t mean to put anyone off breastfeeding , I was frustrated when writing the post and will get mumsnet to delete it after . With me breastfeeding was easy as I had no issues with supply and my son latched on easily . I found it easier than making bottles and I only got sore nipples for a short while but it was nothing bad like bleeding etc. Anyways I believe I wasn’t prepared for how mentally draining it can get, for example I never knew what cluster feeding was I thought I was running out of milk, I never understood why like formula fed babies my son wanted to nurse often and a lot . Anyways maybe I came from a formula environment where formula fee babies were the norm so I didn’t understand how different a breastfed baby would be . Hence my issues I had with weaning and also I’m disappointed that my health visitors and midwives who kept saying breast is best never told me the full reality so I could be mentally prepared . However now that I have gone through it and I know what to expect my experience would be a different one next time .

@Quartz2208 he has milk but only with his meals. He doesn’t drink much of it . Even when I used to express in a cup he would only have a tiny drink

@northstars yes the problem is from my partner too. Which is what made me write that breastfeeding is for people with support due to my lack of support . I would go online and look for weaning advice and majority of the advice was give baby to partner or family . So the whole process just made me frustrated . Thank you for your message

@De88 I understand . I didn’t really know babies could wean naturally so young so I assumed you either wean them yourself or they will do it naturally when they are olde r

@Scottishskifun thank you. This is helpful to know . I blamed his sleep problems on breastfeeding so assumed weaning will solve it . Atleats I know that’s not the case and will look into other options to solve the sleep issue.

I had one ebf, one fully formula fed, and one combi fed. None of them slept through before the age of two! Sleep is a baby thing, not just a breastfeeding thing. And I agree with other posters - your main problem is an unsupportive “d”p. (And it’s way harder being with someone like that than being on your own.)

@blueberrybabe

This is my truth . I should have written that in the title . Sorry for the post. I’m not trying to put people off breastfeeding . I’m just writing this from a place of frustration. Everyone from partner to family members kept asking me and pushing me to wean . Yes I wanted to wean too but it was honestly easier putting my baby to sleep with my breast than trying to wean. I guess I got sold this assumption that once he weans everything would be easier . And that has not been the truth . 2 weeks have gone by and he cries every night. I have to rock and walk up and down and do a lot to put him back to sleep. I feel broken. I go online for advice and a lot of the advice I see is ‘ send your toddler off to sleep with someone for a week’ . My family are not interested . My partner is not interested either even though he has been able to put him to sleep without crying . He sleeps at night with ear plugs on and with the sound machine on in one room so he doesn’t hear any crying . I’m overall feeling very frustrated and alone . It’s not even the breastfeeding that’s the main issue I guess , it’s my circumstances . But now I’m feeling this feeling of regret that I didn’t stop when I wanted to. It could have been a lot easier as my son was younger .

Totally understand and I can remember so many different phases of BF and night weaning and the final stages of dropping feeds were the hardest. I think the reality is you can only easily night wean if your partner realises that everyone is better off if they go in instead of you. He needs to help you. There are lots of ups and downs and you are on a down, and that’s ok

Don’t worry about having not stopped earlier - you may well have had the same problem. Can you afford a night nanny even for a week?