The truth on breastfeeding ; why I won’t breastfeed again

[blueberrybabe]

Does anyone find it annoying how the benefits of breastfeeding is shoved down your throat yet there is no guidance on weaning or other difficulties breastfeeding mums face . Majority of advice I’ve seen on those who were able to night wean had partners take over . Some of us are not so fortunate. I am struggling and I’m annoyed that I continued breastfeeding . I tried to stop at around 8 months but the health visitor told me there is no point as by 12 months my son would only be nursing twice a day maybe 3 times and wouldn’t be nursing at night . What a load of bull ! I’m realising that I shouldn’t have forced myself to breastfeed longer than I wanted to and was able to . Breastfeeding is for the mums who have supportive partners or family nearby to support them all the way from the cluster feeding stages to the weaning stages . I won’t be breastfeeding again in future .

Oh OP I dont think breastfeeding is the problem here. I think you have weaned cold turkey and are now struggling to get him to sleep when you used to feed him?

But actually it sounds as if your real issue is your partner

I always thought bf seemed easier if you don’t have a partner as I co slept, no partner to worry about, only I could do all the feeds anyway so not sitting their feeling resentful that it’s all on me, if I FF I would probably feel resentful about not having anyone to help with the feeds, and like I said my family aren’t supportive and never looked after my children, my mum didn’t support bf and never bf any of us, you can’t speak for all women by saying it’s only for people with a partner or supportive families.’

Does your baby sleep OK when if you feed him during the night?
If he does, I'd put off the night weaning for a whole longer.
Mine naturally dropped their night feeds some time between 9 and 15 months. All babies are different and if it's easier to continue night feeding (especially with an unsupportive partner) then I'd continue night feeding personally.

I exclusively bf and had absolutely no support from then H or any family. I was totally on my own, all night feeds obviously, XH never even woke up when either of my DS cried to bring them in or change a nappy. I fed both until they were 9m and they both refused the breast at the same age.

I hated it and gave up after 6 weeks, my DS was much happier and immediately started sleeping through the night.

@Skittles98 my baby is not 8 months he’s now 17 months

@Quartz2208 yes this is the issue . And the issue is that it is taking longer than I expected . We’re heading towards the start of week 3 since I weaned and he’s still crying every-night multiple times a night . My partner has had success in putting him to sleep with no crying but won’t do it consistently so I’m just drained and emotional

@oviraptor21 yes he slept okay when I used to bf him. Maybe would wake up anywhere between 1-4 times on either good or bad night . It varied but there was no crying. I really wish I continued knowing what I know now but I feel like it’s too late now . It’s been 3 weeks . I believe my milk has dryed up and I also don’t know if I want to reverse all that hard workS

I fed all three of mine for nearly a year. I found it fine and I would absolutely do it again and recommend that others do it as well.

@mrssunshinexxx I wish mine at 16 months old breastfed once a day. My life would have been easier

I fear it’s not the breastfeeding but the unsupportive partner and a child who doesn’t sleep. I had the first (fed DSs until they were 2) and the last (neither reliably slept through until they were at school) but DH was a star and in both cases we weaned by him taking them to his parents for a week in the holidays.

Sorry you had a negative experience but this just wasn't true for me...

Breastfeeding is for the mums who have supportive partners or family nearby to support them all the way from the cluster feeding stages to the weaning stages . I won’t be breastfeeding again in future .

I have no family support at all, my DD is nearly 4 and has never stayed away from us overnight and has only ever briefly been cared for, 2 hours max, by MIL. Also my partner was away 2 nights a week from the end of his paternity leave when DD was 2 weeks old.

I still managed to breastfeed for over 3 years, found it easy and really enjoyed it.

I understand it was hard for you, but you should not be actively trying to put prospective mother's off breastfeeding. Fighting for better breastfeeding support would be a better why to channel your anger.

@DelurkingAJ that sounds amazing . This is what I feel like I need

@Cyw2018 maybe I should have breastfed till 3 then . It seems like those that don’t understand my issues surrounding weaning breastfed for longer so I’m guessing weaning was natural

@OldTinHat would have been a dream if mine refused the breast at 9 months

@Immaculatemisconception how did you wean ?

It happened naturally and easily. All three of them finished breastfeeding heading towards 12 months. They discovered food, toys and books and these things were more interesting for them.

@Immaculatemisconception and that’s where we differ .

@blueberrybabe sorry I must have misread the age of your DC somewhere! Mine completely stopped asking for night feeds at around 14 months but we co-slept a lot before that. Only did one feed a day from around 18 months and 2 before that (once in the morning and once in the evening).

Maybe you could try co-sleeping to see if it's comfort that your DC needs? At 17 months I think it's unlikely he's hungry in the middle of the night.

Sounds like you have a bad sleeper which must be very tough! There are kids that don't sleep properly for years and I really feel for those parents, but this has little to do with whether they are formula or breast fed!

You need to have a chat with your partner. It is incredibly unfair to put all the night work on you!! Take turns.

Also, how is your DC with naps? Make the last nap earlier maybe so he's more tired at bedtime? Just an idea. Fingers crossed he starts sleeping better soon!

@Skittles98 thank you . We still co sleep . But it makes no difference . He just seems angry at me for not giving him milk. He’s not hungry I will offer him water and he drinks it . I just feel like he got used to feeding to sleep. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that I don’t know .

Breastfeeding was not easy in the early days, but the early days are not easy in general! Same I only ever heard stories of one extreme or the other, but in my experience once feeding was established it was easy, and very routine with 4 hourly feeds apart from growth spurts, sleeping through a solid 12 hours from 6 months. None were on solid food until 6 months.

My first two breastfed until 9 months then 8 months, my second mixed fed (tongue tie) and I had to stop breastfeeding about 5.5 months- she preferred the bottle and my supply had all but stopped. Once they were happily having 3 meals a day, it was just a morning and a bedtime feed and eventually the only milk they had was in a cup at breakfast and with their evening meal, from about 10 months definitely.

I can't help but sound smug but its all true, and they all thrived (still are). I don't think women should be put off breastfeeding because they think it means baby will be attached to them constantly, they'll want to feed for years and they'll never sleep through- that was not the case at all for us and I am sure not the case for many others who don't speak up.

@De88

Breastfeeding was not easy in the early days, but the early days are not easy in general! Same I only ever heard stories of one extreme or the other, but in my experience once feeding was established it was easy, and very routine with 4 hourly feeds apart from growth spurts, sleeping through a solid 12 hours from 6 months. None were on solid food until 6 months.

My first two breastfed until 9 months then 8 months, my second mixed fed (tongue tie) and I had to stop breastfeeding about 5.5 months- she preferred the bottle and my supply had all but stopped. Once they were happily having 3 meals a day, it was just a morning and a bedtime feed and eventually the only milk they had was in a cup at breakfast and with their evening meal, from about 10 months definitely.

I can't help but sound smug but its all true, and they all thrived (still are). I don't think women should be put off breastfeeding because they think it means baby will be attached to them constantly, they'll want to feed for years and they'll never sleep through- that was not the case at all for us and I am sure not the case for many others who don't speak up.

That should say my third mixed fed.

There are some useful books on gentle sleep solutions. It sounds more like you need this then weaning.
Does he have a comforter favourite muslin etc?
Weaning can be hard especially going cold turkey, my son would get back to sleep with us sat next to him just gently patting or stroking him but that came from sleep methods not weaning ones.

Mine didn't wean til 22 months BTW.

As others have said, this is not “the truth” about breastfeeding. None of mine slept through before age 2 and we had no support from anyone whatsoever. It was hard work initially but I still loved breastfeeding my 3 and wouldn’t change it for anything. You seem to be ignoring posters who have said the problem seems to be more your useless partner than breastfeeding itself. Totally unacceptable for him to leave the nights to you, especially as you are struggling so much. I would focus my attention on that if I were you. I do hope things get better for you