Those of you who insist on anatomically correctly named body parts...

[canihaveacoffeeplease]

Do you insist on your children calling their bum their anus too?

'Don't forget to wipe your anus darling'

'Sweetie, did you flush and wipe your anus?'

If not why not? Just wondering

I wouldn't say insist as DD not yet 2 (so doesn't say the words although she knows what they are) but I do use the word anus at nappy change time, interchangeable with bum as DH forgets sometimes. Much like I call her toes her tootsies or her stomach her tummy, she knows the actual word and the nicknames they are sometimes given. As a child I was abused. I was ashamed of my body, and came from a background where we didn't discuss our bodies or how they worked etc. Had an odd nickname for my vulva, wouldn't have known it was called that till high school. So I was determined that wouldn't be the case for my own kids

No, but like PP they know the proper name to avoid;
“Mum my bum hurts.”
“Where?”
“Where I wipe.”
“Front or back?”
DD could say from age 4 specifically what the problem was.

Life skills.

Bum doesn't mean anus! Bum is everything in the region- the crack, the cheeks, the anus. If you only wiped the anus you'd likely leave fecal matter elsewhere.

Jesus you do know why people ‘insist’ on correctly naming body parts? To protect them from abuse. It’s not some ‘fad’ as you seem to be suggesting.

Yuck I hate this! Seeing people insist on writing vulva makes me cringe.

I think you're being disingenuous OP. There are lots of ways to name various body parts - e.g. those in common use, the proper medical terms, and the nicknames.

There were plenty of nicknames in use when my kids were little BUT they knew the everyday word too. They knew their bonce is their head and their schnoz is their nose and their toothypegs are their teeth!

That's quite different from telling a girl her genitals are called a 'flower' (vomit) and completely avoiding use of the real term, because you're feeling all icky about it.

As was explained (with references) in the other thread, being uncomfortable with sex and body talk and shrouding the subject in mystery is a barrier to keeping kids safe.

You can teach your children the correct terms and common usage terms. They're clever like that you know... You do know the anus is a very specific part of the bum right?

I understand it can feel awkward using terms like vulva but adults really need to grow up and get over it. Hearing an adult use cutesy names for body parts is weirder than using their given names. If you'd call an arm an arm, why not call a vulva a vulva.

And even more weird is knowing its called a vulva but using the term vagina because you're more comfortable with it. "I know it's an arm but I call it a leg because it sounds nicer" would be ridiculous.

Not being goady like at all, but I've never understood how using anatomically correct names for genitals protect children from sexual abuse. Could somebody explain please?
I understand the argument of it makes it easier to explain if they itch or are in pain but I don't understand the abuse element.

We say Willy or penis.

But I think everyone on MN is SO OTT about this stuff and will make you feel like a shit parent

Or bum?

Go off and Google anatomy before you embarass yourself further, OP.

Do people insist? Or are they just comfortable with the proper terms and so use them, whilst those who are uncomfortable insist on using something else?

People who know what a vulva is aren’t the ones who need to examine their thinking on this.

I certainly hope you’re not using the word head when noggin is a perfectly good word. As presumably you follow your own…..logic, are we calling it? So - twee name for vulva, and for every other body part?

Just wondering.

You don't just wipe your anus though, you wipe your whole bottom. Same as vagina is fine when technically it's vulva.

@miltonj

Not being goady like at all, but I've never understood how using anatomically correct names for genitals protect children from sexual abuse. Could somebody explain please? I understand the argument of it makes it easier to explain if they itch or are in pain but I don't understand the abuse element.

@miltonj I think the idea is that it's hard for kids to speak up about abuse but if you've been given the impression that certain body parts shouldn't be mentioned, and you have no vocabulary for describing them, it makes an additional obstacle to speaking up.

@miltonj it’s a good question, not goady at all.
One of the positives is so that if a young child discloses to you, there can be no confusion. The example someone gave earlier (flower) is quite common, however abusers are clever and can give names to body parts that might be unfamiliar.
For example we were told a case on our safeguarding training where a very young child referrred to a family member touching her «purse». Adults involver didn’t take it seriously at first, comments like «don’t play with it, tell them to stop, put it back in the cupboard» etc She didn’t know the correct term, so the adults didn’t realise quickly enough.

The thing with "bum or " bottom" is it is such a common word for that body part that you wouldn't have confusion if a child told you someone had done something to it that they didn't like. The confusion is pet names for other parts. The example I always think of is from a safeguarding course (I am a primary teacher) where the child said "my uncle licked my cookie". Clearly here "cookie" was taken as biscuit, not vulva/ vagina and the adult in the example said "never mind". If a child said "my uncle licked my bum" you would straightaway be asking more questions. Even "willy" as a nickname for penis isn't everyone's choice so it makes sense that penis and vulva/ vagina and breasts are taught more commonly than anus.

Oh dear OP, you do know it’s not really your anus you are wiping don’t you? You are being disingenuous. It’s like when people say they have a stomach pain - it’s a broad term that doesn’t necessarily just cover the stomach and is more likely to pertain to a part of the intestines. I don’t sit there and tell someone they don’t have a stomach pain and please use the word colon etc. Anus is the same, most people wipe poo off the fleshy but of the inner buttocks, they don’t clean their anus. The whole area is commonly referred to as a bottom, in the same vein as stomach covers all areas of the gut for lay people. If in court you can use the term bottom for that area.

I believe you are likely someone who is at odds with using the word vagina/vulva and in an attempt at some form of self-righteousness about this are deliberately being goady.

I'm a doctor. I teach my children the correct name for all body parts because I don't want to withold knowledge from them for absolutely no reason. I also dont want them to feel ashamed of any of their body parts, just because they are parts they keep private.

If you are ashamed of saying vulva, instead saying flower/cookie/purse, you run the risk of your child being ashamed to talk about it, or in the case described a child suffering several more days of abuse and also the trauma of the abuse once reported being brushed aside by an adult who didn't understand what was being said. Can you imagine that child finding the courage to tell a teacher only for them to say 'oh well!' thinking it was about a biscuit? Can you imagine a situation where a child might just stop at that and not persist and keep reporting as happened in the cookie case? The child might just stop reporting it after it was brushed aside once, and all because some family was too caught up in their own body issues just to teach their daughter the word vulva.

@SD1978

You don't just wipe your anus though, you wipe your whole bottom. Same as vagina is fine when technically it's vulva.

I don't wipe my ass cheeks when I go to the loo....

@miltonj , I interpret it like, say a small girl is being sexually abused by her uncle. She plucks up the courage to tell an adult.

'Mrs Teacher, Uncle Eustace touched my flower!'

'Oh no!That wasn't nice of him was it! Anyway, break time now, run along!'

Compare that to if she knew the word vagina.

People are uptight and find the words ‘icky’ because they were taught to feel uptight and icky about them when they were told to refer to them as something silly like, ‘flower’.

I teach upper primary and therefore sex, health and relationships. Kids have lots of questions and lots of misconceptions about their own bodies and they are just desperate to know they are normal. I’m only 35 but my mum barely mentioned periods to me because of the way she was brought up. I was so embarrassed having to tell her when I needed new sanitary items.

I’m a little bit uptight and squeamish deep down about talking about these things with kids, but in lessons, I make an effort to be really open, relaxed, fun and informative. I don’t want to pass on negative feelings about bodies or sex. Using the proper terms for body parts from an early age as part of normal language helps with this.

[quote AnnListersBlister]@miltonj , I interpret it like, say a small girl is being sexually abused by her uncle. She plucks up the courage to tell an adult.

'Mrs Teacher, Uncle Eustace touched my flower!'

'Oh no!That wasn't nice of him was it! Anyway, break time now, run along!'

Compare that to if she knew the word vagina.[/quote]
This.

Please don't turn something so important into a 'laugh' or an excuse to mock others.

Using the correct terminology is a vital tool in protecting children from abuse.

Please educate yourself.

Because bum is a universal term in this country whereas floof/minnie/fairy/whatever isn’t.