Child Protection Planning what to expect

[sadx]

My partner was removed from the home for assaulting me and now we have to go to a meeting about child protection on Monday.

Can someone help me prepare and know what to expect.

Nobody is going to make you feel bad regarding trauma bonding, but this is about showing you're safeguarding your child and putting them first. Any bloke who is violent to the mother of his child can absolutely be violent to their child.

@sadx

Just because he was violent with me that's doesn't mean he would be violent with the child. Could it be in their best interest to see the Father and nurture a relationship?

The recent Domestic Violence bill made it clear that children were not just witnesses to domestic abuse, they were victims. If he is violent to you, or to anyone else around your children, he is directly harming them.

I’m not saying it’s entirely impossible for your children not to have some sort of relationship with him in future but this would need to be fully assessed to ensure they’re safe. Don’t agree to anything out of a misplaced sense of guilt or trauma bonding.

I do appreciate the advice. What sort of assessment would they do?

Depends, a section 47 maybe or a children's and families assessment. I'm not a social worker, just going by my own experience of leaving an abusive relationship and involvement of children's services.

SS were involved with me as ex was violent towards me. We went through a long court process- he ended up with supervised contact at a contact centre for 6 months and an hour ever other week for 6 weeks, then two hours and so on building up to over night.

Realistically -tell them you want to protect yourself and your child. Yes court will work on the basis of dad having contact with the child and think you should be 'adults' and 'get on with it' very disheartening. I meet mine in a supermarket -but sadly he is vile verbally and the courts don't care. As he is just rude and unpleasant in tone and the way he talks to me -rather then contact -they just don't care. They don't care that he does it in front of his son and he then comes home and talks to me like muck -so if you get the chance -say you don't want him to have any access as you want to protect yourself and the children and please help me to to this.

It's a section 47 meeting

The assessment will depend on the risks to the children. If you are open and honest, have terminated your relationship and recognise the impact that domestic abuse has had on your children then social services will want to work with you. If not then they will be more concerned and may need to take steps to protect your children if you are unable to do it yourself. Have you had social services involvement before? Any assessment will look at all the risks and all of the strengths within your family and support network.

No we haven't had any involvement before. They may see the risk as high as he broke my ribs and was emotionally abusive and controlling and the baby is under 1

I'm sorry for the sketchy info I'm just trying to protect our privacy x

You have to leave him OP. Social services will likely take your baby into care if you get back with him or allow him into your home. Go to Women’s Aid to make a safety plan. You have all the family you need, just you and your child. Get family support as they will be a protective factor. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You must be brave and press charges. Never ever get back with him, I’m warning you that will not be acceptable to the authorities. Social services can facilitate child contact with the father in a contact centre. God love you. Life will be hard but you will be happy again soon and free from abuse.

I was told in no uncertain terms if I went back to my abuser, our child would be removed from my care.
You'd have to prove you're safeguarding your child.

Are you hoping to stay in a relationship with this man? Are you pressing charges?

Thank you p

I have pressed charges but I'm not staying in a relationship

Pressing charges and not staying in the relationship is good.

Push for no contact with either you or the child going forward. Push for a restraining order. Push for full custody.

I just don't know if I could agree to no contact

You only have to wait until Monday to get a feel for how everyone else sees your situation. They will suggest what to do about contact so don't worry about it too much at the moment. Focus on recovering and building your mental and physical strength after a horrific experience.

No more frogs yes that it- I feel so battered and destroyed

Organising contact is not your problem. Whether he is violent to the children or not he is violent to their parent.

disclaimer - I am not a social worker.

a friend of mine has several dc.
She left her partner when she was pregnant as he hit her, and was controlling. She had SS involvement during the pregnancy as she was leaving domestic violence.

baby is now a few months old and Dad has been messaging her and wanting to see kids.
She was lonely and wondered if her boys needed their dad.
So she contatced her SS and said - could she allow the boys to see their dad, as he is messaging her and asking.

The response was clear - no.
If you allow him in to see the kids SS with immediately start with CP investigations, and you might lose the kids.

No wonder you feel battered and destroyed - he has done this to you. You must be scared about the unknown of a cp meeting but honestly everyone there wants to help you and your child. Please know that these people have worked with many women in your situation, and those experiences and research show that men who are violent towards women are far more likely to be violent towards children. You really cannot say that he would not be violent towards her. And he would harm his child’s mother so seriously - this shows he does not understand his child’s needs, or have the ability to prioritise her needs. Please accept all the help offered to support you in understanding the dynamics of domestic abuse. You are stronger than you think

There's some good advice/knowledge on here.

Not a SW, but I go to cp conferences regularly.

Pp was right - there will be LOTS of people at the conference (ICPC? - initial child protection conference).

If it goes to CP or CIN you will be allocated a SW, probably not the one who has been working with you up to now.

At the conference, everyone will be looking to see whether you're putting your child first or not.
The more you put your child first, the more they'll relax around you.

Take it very seriously. It is VERY serious. If it does go to CP, if they're not happy with you (i.e
If they feel the need to escalate), the next step is taking your child away.

If it goes to CIN, it's less serious, but still take it seriously.

Be prepared to take what they say on board OR to have v sensible/logical/practical reasons why not.

Incidentally for what you've been through

@verymiddleaged

It is fairly standard social work advice that the non abusing parent ( nearly always mum) can cut contact and wait for courts to mandate it if exP applies for it. The domestic abuse victim certainly doesn't need to stay in contact privately to organize contact if they don't want to.

Usually SWs like to hear that all contact has stopped unless court ordered.
( I'm also a social worker)

Gosh I wish I had known that

I always thought I had to facilitate contact and this was then used to cause more abuse

Lots of good wishes OP
Stay strong and follow all professional advice xxxxxxx

@sadx

No we haven't had any involvement before. They may see the risk as high as he broke my ribs and was emotionally abusive and controlling and the baby is under 1

Can you also please press charges??

What a low life man