Someone else’s child - how would you feel?

[excitednerves]

Parent A and parent B have crossed paths a few times, been chatting and exchanged numbers. They have similar(ish) aged children. After a couple of meet ups, it becomes clear that parent A’s child (age 2) has some developmental issues - doesn’t talk, doesn’t respond to being told to stay close or to come back etc, very active and constantly on the move.

If you were parent B (assuming parent A and B like each other) what would you think? That parent A should have told you / explained about their child? That the child seems like a bit of hard work and probably isn’t worth catching up in future? Doesn’t matter if you like parent A?

Maybe you can work out which parent I am but I’m interested in how you’d feel?

[ApplePippa]

@MoreAloneTime I've done my best to explain but I'll try again ....

Some developmentally delayed children don't "gel" with any other children, (not just yours) because of their disability.

Fortunately, I had people in my life who didn't consider their children spending time with my nonverbal autistic toddler as "wasting time trying to get two kids to play who don't gel". But not everyone does. And they end up very isolated.

[furbabymama87]

I've met up with people with naughty kids, not sure if they're diagnosed with anything but I'm not going to put myself out for my kids to be slapped and poked the whole time we're together. I would only think the friendship was worth persevering with if it was a true friendship and not a circumstantial one based on our kids being the same age or in the same class. But to be honest I don't force friendships with people I have nothing in common with as they're fake and they don't last.

[MoreAloneTime]

I wouldn't have thought being forced to gel would be any more fun for a child with SEN. Surely in that situation you'd arrange to meet friends somewhere the kids could play alone if that worked better.

[furbabymama87]

One of my kids also has development delay and autism, so I can see it from the other side too. She will play nicely but doesn't form strong friendships. But I probably wouldn't meet with someone to get my kid to have a friend. You don't have to force the kids to be friends if it's not working but can still find a way to continue the friendship between you both without it involving the kids.

[Goldbar]

I wouldn't have thought being forced to gel would be any more fun for a child with SEN

Maybe for older kids, but most under 5s are capable of enjoying the same sorts of activities to different levels regardless of their developmental level. I've only ever met one toddler my DC couldn't play with (or at least happily alongside) in some way, and that was because this child keep bashing my DC on the head and poking them without the parent intervening.

[MoreAloneTime]

I'd agree with that about children anyway. There aren't many that couldn't even be in the environment as each other as long as both are ok with the environment.

[snazzynamechangetiming]

My DS at 2 was very controlled, but didn't speak. My DD is a whirlwind but very chatting and she's 2 shortly. I wouldn't think anything about it, children are all different. Although when I went to some speech groups for DS the majority of "late speakers" were boys. It's brilliant you've been able to access therapy so early, it can be very tricky getting anything even private before 3.

[makinganavalon]

What is parent B's problem?
Why are people always only in things for themselves- why could parent B not wonder what she could do to be a friend to parent and child A instead of wondering what she can exploit and get out of this child for her own child in terms of friendship.
When I really stop to think about it using a person like that and then dropping them when they have perceived problems is sick.

[makinganavalon]

Sorry I've just read the thread properly so silly of me to comment before that.
I'm glad parent B hasnt actually judged!!