Am i the worst mother in the world for wanting to return to work when my baby is still so young?

[gemloving]

My baby will be 5 months next week. I also have a 2 1/2 year old but he goes to nursery 4x a week.

I'm not enjoying it. I find it repetitive & very boring. I absolutely adore and love my baby and my toddler - don't get me wrong but I miss my job. I love my job.

I'm thinking of going back when baby is 6 1/2 months but do it staggered, I can use annual leave to be at home for another 2-3 months for 2 days in the week.

I should be grateful that we can afford for me to stay at home but I resent my husband who gets to close the door and work. I feel ashamed for how I feel but can't change it.

Not at all OP!

You are absolutely not the worst mother in the world. Your baby isn't a newborn and you will still have time with them. Millions and millions of women in other countries return to work in much less than six months because they have no choice. And do we see much higher rates of crazy dysfunction in children and adults in those countries? No we do not.

You're making a thoughtful decision and balancing everyone. Let the guilt go.

Nope you are the exact same as many of us. Being a stay at home mum is not for everyone, if you want to work you should work. My baby is younger than yours and I have her older sister too as I basically had almost back to back maternity leave and I want to split my time too similarly to you. It’s been great while their dad has been working from home for company but I know I will be very lonely when he is back full time and I miss my job too a bit, more the people. I also would love to have my own bit of extra money too! And all the sensible stuff of pension and keeping my foot in the door for when they go to school ect ect

I went back to work when my son was 5.5months with absolutely no regret. He settled well into nursery at that age and I too found it tough and a bit boring being at home full time with a baby and toddler.

Would your DH consider shared parental leave?

Ps. I have a friend right now who is back at work at 6 months pp just because she wanted to be. She is a wonderful mother. Her DH is currently on parental leave being the SAHD and they are all happy.

There are lots and lots of ways to be a good mother.

I went back to work when my babies were 17/18 weeks. They’re fine, I’m fine!

It’s not selfish, you do whatever you need/want to to make your life easier.

Don’t feel ashamed! I’m a SAHM and it can be mind-numbing but I’m not ashamed of my choice to stay at home and you should not feel ashamed of your choice to go back to work at any point. As long as you feel ready to do so that is all that matters.

That's a little young I guess but I honestly clicked on it thinking you were gonna say much younger. I wouldn't beat myself up about it.

Don't feel ashamed for reseing your husband. Don't get me wrong, spending time with your kids is precious but women get su h a shit deal - 9 months of pregnancy, childbirth, then in most cases left to our own devices to take care of a tiny human we'd never met before. Plus taling care of young babies is VERY monotonous (feed, change, sleep, play, repeat).

Excuse the many typos😬

I went back early too, without a second thought. My own commitment to and enjoyment of my work didn't cease the moment I gave birth, and I was a far more capable, contented mother after returning to work — our childminder was also excellent.

I think the idea that you’re ‘fortunate’ and ‘blessed’ to be able to stay at home is silly — it’s only a ‘blessing’ if you want to do it. Personally mat leave was a real low point in my life.

That’s not young at all! I’m going back when DS is 7.5 months, totally out of choice too, but he started nursery at 6 months to ride out all the inevitable bugs they come down when they first start. Speaking from my experience with my eldest, I actually think it’s harder to settle them into nursery when they’re 12 months-ish and might be going through a phase of separation anxiety. Funnily my job used to be based in the US and my friends/colleagues over there are all wondering what I’m doing with myself because I’ve taken so long off (by their standards)! My advice is to do what works best for you/your family and don’t fall into the sexism guilt trap because I seriously doubt your husband is feeling guilty about going to work every day. Good luck!

No you are not. I was a much worse mother when I was bored out of my mind at home.

I would have loved to have taken a year off at say 2.5-3.5, that would have been great, but a year at home with dts until they turned one was not for me.

I’ve just gone back part time. This week has been amazing, I ate lunch, I spoke to ADULTS (!!) and had a hot cup of coffee. Now I’ve finished for the week and feel more chilled about being at home with the baby. I think it’s a good thing!

Honestly do it! Does your husband feel ashamed, bet he doesn’t.

But also, your DH should take at least a month parental leave. I wish I’d insisted on my DH doing this (though it wasn’t as easy back then) I think it really would have helped my avoid falling into the “default parent” role post maternity leave.

Don’t feel guilty at all. I have a 1yo and 2yo, gave up work 3 months ago and I am starting a degree course next week. Needed something to focus on that isn’t cleaning/cooking/playing with babies. Plus I think a lot of people feel ready to go back sooner after their second baby.

No not at all! with my second I felt the same and had planned to go back at 6 months - I ended up staying off in the end because my work was still working at home and I couldn't see how it could work with him being at home with my husband but me still being there (breastfed baby - obsessed with me). If I was off now, I'd definitely have gone back sooner.

I went back at 3 months - had to go on mat leave early because of my health, and it wasn't as generous back then. I couldn't afford to take more time off so he went to a childminder and then a nursery, he was happy and so was I. He wasn't even the youngest baby there, they took from 6 weeks.

I planned to have a year off work but I hated it and went back when DC was 5 months. People probably judged me, but never to my face!

Not at all. The alternative is often not child friendly at all and totally parent centered -introducing nursery just when they've given up on outsiders and decided to always be with you forever and ever.

Totally support you going back to work if that is your choice. To add an alternative option:
Are you able to settle baby at the nursery (or whatever) that he will be going to, for 2 days a week say, and use that time to do a bit of freelancing? Will keep your mind active, be a bit of a cv boost but keep baby at home for the majority of the week for few more months overall.

100% not the worst the mother in the world! We all parent in different ways and none of them are the ‘right’ way because no such thing exists. You do what you need to do and what works for you and your family and that’s all that matters. Go back whenever feels right for you. My SIL went back to work when her 2nd was 6 months old and it’s never been an issue for them.

No, I don’t think you’re selfish at all. I’m currently on mat leave with DC2 and I’m going back in a couple of months after I have had a full year off. I have found mat leave a lot harder this time around and have been quite resentful of my DH being able to leave and go to work whereas I feel stuck 24/7. I’ve taken a year off as I did with DS first time around and feel I owe it to my DD to give her the same treatment. It’s silly really and just stupid guilt but I’m really looking forward to getting back to work and feeling a bit more myself again. I don’t remember feeling quite so lost the first time around.

I returned to uni when my DS was 3 weeks old, not entirely my choice as I had very limited options and couldn't take a year off. I'm doing nursing, also didn't want to prolong my studies a year as I worried I'd put off going back and inevitably quit all together

Not at all. I actually cried on my first day back at work after 6months maternity, not because I missed dd (I did but she was happy and settled at a good nursery) but because a colleague said how good it was to have me back, how much I had been missed and that I brought a real energy to the table. I loved being at home with dd but its thankless work and it felt amazing to be appreciated again.