Am i the worst mother in the world for wanting to return to work when my baby is still so young?

[gemloving]

My baby will be 5 months next week. I also have a 2 1/2 year old but he goes to nursery 4x a week.

I'm not enjoying it. I find it repetitive & very boring. I absolutely adore and love my baby and my toddler - don't get me wrong but I miss my job. I love my job.

I'm thinking of going back when baby is 6 1/2 months but do it staggered, I can use annual leave to be at home for another 2-3 months for 2 days in the week.

I should be grateful that we can afford for me to stay at home but I resent my husband who gets to close the door and work. I feel ashamed for how I feel but can't change it.

If you have good childcare (we used a childminder and she was absolutely amazing) then there is nothing you (or equally your husband) need to feel guilty about going out to work. You are providing for the family, setting a food example and looking after your happiness which benefits your family.

I went back at two years with my oldest child and at four weeks old with my youngest child. I don’t regret either “extreme”

Do what works for your family..

I’ll be going back when mine is 6 months 😄

Don't ever feel ashamed for wanting to go back to work.

But it is great that you have the choice, don't waste that racking yourself with guilt, if you are best places in work, go do it.

There is no right or wrong, there is only what's right for you and your family, so do that and be happy. We are only here once, live your life how you want and enjoy it.

I went back to work when both of mine were six months. I had no choice we couldn't afford for me to be on SMP any longer.

I had to admit I do find your post quite sad. One of my absolute favourite times as a mum was my maternity leave with my second child and my first child was 2. I loved it and it brought me closer to my eldest. I'm sorry you're not loving it. But it is a tough age gap so I totally understand why!

In the 90s mat leave was only 18 weeks. Don't beat yourself up.

I went back full time when my daughter was 5.5 months. She loves nursery and to be honest it was great for her development. We also had no issues with crying when dropping her off and she settled really quickly.

Much of western Europe only has 12 or so weeks of maternity leave so it's all a matter of perspectives anyway. I'm from a country where mat leave is 12 weeks - my family and friends there all thought 5.5 months was amazing. My British friends and colleagues mostly thought it was very short.

@Buttetflybookkeeper what exactly do you find sad? That I don't enjoy being at home with my baby or that I love my job and want to go back?

No you're not don't be daft, go back to work x

Does anyone care about the impact on the baby? I get that everyone is being supportive to OP here but there's someone else who needs considering here. Or is it the 'mine turned out just fine' mentality that has caused a generation of people with attachment issues. Each to their own. Parenting isn't meant to be easy, especially that baby stage.

@felulageller

In the 90s mat leave was only 18 weeks. Don't beat yourself up.

Yup, I went back when my daughter was four months, I think I was entitled to six, she was born late nineties. It was perfectly normal. I couldnt imagine taking a year off. And I’m sure my husband couldn’t have imagined him doing it either.

Get back into normal life the sooner the better.

Love my job too OP and went back when DS was 5.5 months.

Being 'just' a mum never really fulfilled me. I've friends who loved being at home, we are all different and I won't be made to feel back about my decisions.

@Superfoodie123

Does anyone care about the impact on the baby? I get that everyone is being supportive to OP here but there's someone else who needs considering here. Or is it the 'mine turned out just fine' mentality that has caused a generation of people with attachment issues. Each to their own. Parenting isn't meant to be easy, especially that baby stage.

No, no-one here gives a shit, you are obviously the only one, nobody has given this any thought at all. Well done you, have a gold star 🌟

@Superfoodie123

Does anyone care about the impact on the baby? I get that everyone is being supportive to OP here but there's someone else who needs considering here. Or is it the 'mine turned out just fine' mentality that has caused a generation of people with attachment issues. Each to their own. Parenting isn't meant to be easy, especially that baby stage.

Do you imagine the OP is going to leave her baby on someone’s door step while she’s at work?

@Hattie765 well it really doesn't look like many have thought of it to be honest. Or at least don't care that much! Thanks for the gold star, love those :)

@Superfoodie123 I went back towards at 5.5 months and I did consider it. My mother is a clinical child psychologist who has done a LOT of (published) research on early years development; in particular about attachment and abandonment issues. And guess what. It's fine. Unless you send them off to a nanny 24/7 but as you're apparently an expert I'm sure you'll know that most working mothers in fact do see their children for several hours on a daily basis.
Have you done any clinical, academically approved and peer reviewed research on the matter?

Superfoodie, I went back to work with a four week old baby. I can assure you it wasn’t easy. I can also assure to you the baby was very well attached to me, literally, physically as well as metaphorically.

You do not need to be sad for the impact on that baby, believe me.

No. Just as fathers aren't terrible people for returning to work. Your baby is at an age where weaning and formula milk can play a part in his feeding, and provided he has stable loving care, how can you being happy and fulfilled at work hurt him?

@ISeeTheLight
I'm glad your mum validated your decision but I'm sorry that's not your qualification and I don't agree with you. Yes I've done a lot of research, obviously a lot more than you. It's not ok to leave a small baby with people who aren't their primary caregivers for long periods of time and if it was this thread wouldnt have been started and OP wouldn't feel so guilty.

@Superfoodie123 so can you quote any actual studies?
First link I've found quickly- this article contains links to various studies. www.practicalresearchparenting.com/2016/07/24/daycare-when-to-start-are-there-risks-to-starting-too-early/

Also my mother lectured at Cambridge on this exact subject yet according to you doesn't know what she's talking about.

As long as you and your baby are both happy that's all that matters.

I went back to work at 6 months Both times... couldn't afford any more time off!

@ISeeTheLight
With all due respect you have a clear agenda to say that it doesn't affect babies because that's what you did. Look up attachment theory, that in itself tells you everything you need to know. It isn't mad rocket science. If I need to prove it to you, this is what I read when my baby was small doi.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-006X.64.1.64
Also did alot of reading from Dr gabor mate and other people on the subject who talk about childhood trauma in the baby years.

Oh by the way your internet webpage who could have been written by anyone was a 404 and is relevant to the US where they have to justify why its fine to leave your babies as the women have no bloody choice but to go to work. I'm sorry but your mum is either lying to you or she left you early on and is trying to justify it. No child psychologist should be saying its fine to leave a tiny baby who doesn't understand when and if it's mum will ever come back.

@Superfoodie123 I reckon you're the one with the agenda. I am fully aware of attachment theory.

@Superfoodie123 - is your suggestion that all mothers are SAHM?