Am i the worst mother in the world for wanting to return to work when my baby is still so young?

[gemloving]

My baby will be 5 months next week. I also have a 2 1/2 year old but he goes to nursery 4x a week.

I'm not enjoying it. I find it repetitive & very boring. I absolutely adore and love my baby and my toddler - don't get me wrong but I miss my job. I love my job.

I'm thinking of going back when baby is 6 1/2 months but do it staggered, I can use annual leave to be at home for another 2-3 months for 2 days in the week.

I should be grateful that we can afford for me to stay at home but I resent my husband who gets to close the door and work. I feel ashamed for how I feel but can't change it.

@Superfoodie123 I'll be staying at home for 9 months and then will be back for 3 days a week staggered. He'll be in childcare 2 days a week, 1 day with nana, 2 days with me until he's 11 months, then he'll be 3 days in childcare, 1 day with me, one day with nana.

The impact after that will be given that we have no choice. We're in London, life is expensive although I am considering having a full time nanny as we had that for DS1 for the first year + until he was about 2 and 2 months due to Covid and it was in our home setting
& I got to be there for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc.

I just posted on another thread that I found mothering MIND NUMBING until my DS reached 3. Go back to work

@Whitedressparis my older son will be 3 in January and it's starting to be a lot more fun and I really enjoy having 1:1 time with him as we're building Lego, chatting, we can go to cafe, enjoy the park. It's starting to be different and I know what you mean.

Mine went full time from 9 months (and would have been 8 but for how Christmas hols fell) and did that till he started school. Once at school he went to afterschool club 4 days a week as we both worked FT. I didn't have it in me to stay at home as much as I loved him and it was the right call for our family. He started high school a couple of weeks back and is a bright, happy human. Please don't worry - I know parents who've made every decision from SAHM to FT nursery/childminder and most things in between and all have been fine. The important thing is making time when they are with you.

@gemloving

@oscarcat99 thank you. & I 100% do. We have very little TV time and I try to be present aka not be on my phone too much etc.

I take them to the park twice a day, at home we have a play room and I genuinely love and adore my children. It just doesn't fulfill me being around them all the time. I love my job & any job I do, I try to do to my best ability including being a parent (although I know it's not a job). I did have a tough day yesterday and I'm feeling better so made the decision to stay home until he is 9 months.