Other people handling your toddler

[johnd2]

Our toddler is nearly 2 and we would like to help him to understand bodily autonomy for both himself and others.
He is capable of understanding when we want to give him a hug, etc and letting us know whether he wants it. Or any other non essential contact.
The problem we have is that not everyone has got the memo, and especially certain neighbours like to grab him, handle him, tickle him, etc without warning.
At the moment i have been telling him that so and so shouldn't have done that afterwards, but that's pretty weak and we are not really modelling a good response to this situation. I was wondering what other people have done in this situation and how it worked out.
The goal in approximate other of importance is to communicate that they should get his permission in future, and also show him we are on his side, model a sensible way of enforcing a boundary, and not offend the neighbours.
I thought about printing up some cards "from him" that say something like "bodily autonomy, please check that I'm happy before touching me", and giving them to people after an instance, but I'm not sure how that would work.
Thoughts, ideas, suggestions would be appreciated please!

For a two year old I think your risking him developing an unhealthy association with others touching him by making it an issue.
I think it's really healthy to have others expressing their positivity around him, if he's fine with it then what's the issue? If he's able to express to you he doesn't want a hug then hell make it obvious to someone else by making a dace, turning away, nuzzling into you etc at which point you can just say he's not up for a hug right now and leave it at that. Hell learn through osmosis at that age there's no need to make it a big thing.

What like giving them a business card with that printed on? 😂😂

It sounds like they're just being playful with him and that you're teaching him that it's wrong to be sociable. Does he actually dislike it or are you guessing? If not, why don't you just tell them he doesn't like it, pick him up and carry him away? You don't have to say it in a nasty or angry way but just assertive enough for them to get the message.

You have to be careful to not make him afraid of people or to encourage him to think that all touch is inherently wrong because it isn't. It's someone trying to be friendly and fun.

Like attach the card to him? Or ask him to hand them out? I think you have the right intent but honestly I would think it was weird if I saw a toddler wearing a sign saying check I’m happy before touching me. Would remind me of those harnesses some dogs wear. You know DANGEROUS DON’T TOUCH.

Can you not keep an eye on his body language? So if someone grabs him and he’s squirming/trying to get away then you intervene and say ‘oh he doesn’t like that.’ Or if someone asks for a hug and he’s reluctant encourage him to wave goodbye instead. I think that would work better than cards.

Ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️

At the moment i have been telling him that so and so shouldn't have done that afterwards

Ths is very weird OP and you're going to mess without his head. If you're that bothered then tell people not to touch him. I can't see how it's a good thing to tell him when you get home they shouldn't have done that, as if he's been abused. At the very least, you are teaching him not to like it.

I thought about printing up some cards "from him" that say something like "bodily autonomy, please check that I'm happy before touching me",

I'm actually cringing for you

I think the best thing you can do is read his body language and stop people from tickling him, picking him up etc unless he appears happy with it. That way he learns that you keep him safe. At the same time you also demonstrate how to say no and set boundaries, but it does need to be you doing it on his behalf at this age. A little sign or card isn't going to help him stand up for himself in the playground one day so I don't think it's a useful road to start travelling down now - it leads nowhere helpful.

Most toddlers are experts at communicating that they're unhappy. Does this contact bother him? If yes, and the other person is ignoring his signals, you could calmly point it out - 'ooh I can see from the way he's wriggling that he doesn't like that, you'd better put him down'.

If he seems happy enough, then you're basing your reaction on your own feelings not his, which isn't exactly giving him autonomy is it?

Very strange thread 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

Can't believe what I've just read. You are being ridiculous.

Where I live a simple don't touch my child because of Covid suffices if anyone comes near.

How about you just tell them not to touch him and when they ask why, you tell them your reasons?

He definitely needs to hand out his card to a stranger who may grab him out of the way of a moving car when he's slipped you grasp.

When he is a little older you can do the "pants are private" stuff from the NSPCC.

But I don't think business cards for toddlers are the way forward, although it would be quite something to watch.

As he gets older you can encourage him him to say "no tickling please" if he doesn't like it and it continues. But this isn't a significant issue for most dc.

At under 2 I think as others have said it is your job to stop people tickling , picking him up etc if he does not like it - but I suspect he will make his own views known without a card to hand out.

At under 2 I frankly thought hugs were essential contact for DS - unless it was obvious he wasn't in the mood, in which case I could tell. But what do I know - still apply the same to DS now is is early 20s.

My 2nd paragraph - I mean by me - his mother & his father - not random strangers or less well known to him people . Granny and Grandpa etc - they get a bye on this one unless he is was not in the mood

Cards are a terrible idea - makes me think of him as a dog that has a nervous lead. Everyone will start giving him a wide berth and you'll alienate him.

He just needs to be able to communicate that he isn't comfortable with what someone is doing, which is easy enough to teach him.

Are you joking?

At this age it’s for you to police this if you feel uncomfortable. You need to speak to them.

It’s not his responsibility, he’s too little. Not even with the weird card idea.

When he’s older and can articulate for himself and fully understand then yes, encourage him to speak up. Until then you need to do it for him.

What have other people done about this? Probably nothing as to most people this is really a complete non issue!

Mean this in the nicest way possible OP.. wind your neck in. You’ll give your child more issues by making this a big deal.

Just say to these neighbours "ooh steady on there" and pick him up out the way or pick him up before they even start. I have relatives like this and I just intervene (my kid hates most people touching her bar her immediate family). That said, maybe your son doesn't mind. What impression do you get? The cards thing is one of the most bonkers thing I've heard! .

Would you not be better off teaching him to say "stop"?
DS is a bit older (4) but this is what the school are doing. They had a whole session on saying stop and how to respect it when others say it to you, what it means etc. They're still too young and innocent to be asking each other permission before any physical contact.

I think this post must be a wind up.

Stop being so ridiculous Jesus Christ

When someone grabs in in the way of oncoming traffic;

'Hold on mummy and daddy told me to give you this business card'

Really!?!!!???

I'm trying to imagine how the card giving interaction would go. I suppose it would have the desired effect because everyone will be steering right clear of you.

The easier option would be just to step in and speak up for your kid but I hear Vistaprint has an offer on.

You're behaving utterly unreasonably

& that's being polite.