Other people handling your toddler

[johnd2]

Our toddler is nearly 2 and we would like to help him to understand bodily autonomy for both himself and others.
He is capable of understanding when we want to give him a hug, etc and letting us know whether he wants it. Or any other non essential contact.
The problem we have is that not everyone has got the memo, and especially certain neighbours like to grab him, handle him, tickle him, etc without warning.
At the moment i have been telling him that so and so shouldn't have done that afterwards, but that's pretty weak and we are not really modelling a good response to this situation. I was wondering what other people have done in this situation and how it worked out.
The goal in approximate other of importance is to communicate that they should get his permission in future, and also show him we are on his side, model a sensible way of enforcing a boundary, and not offend the neighbours.
I thought about printing up some cards "from him" that say something like "bodily autonomy, please check that I'm happy before touching me", and giving them to people after an instance, but I'm not sure how that would work.
Thoughts, ideas, suggestions would be appreciated please!

I've read some bat shittery stuff on MN but your post is up there with the best of them.
A 2 yr old giving out cards on body autonomy 🙄 christ, that's some crazy shit.
He's 2 for crying out loud, if he doesn't want a cuddle /people touching him, he'll hide or squirm away, absolutely no need to hand out cards.
When you see posters asking if they "are that parent" yep you are "that parent"
This isn't about a 2 Yr old not wanting to be touched, it's you that doesn't want him to be touched, so just tell people not to, don't get a baby to hand out cards

I'm wondering if you could train him to scream in a high pitched way whenever he is touched? You could use a Pavlovian response technique.

This is weird, if he doesn’t like it tell them to stop. Oh ds doesn’t like being tickled, oh DS doesn’t like x or y.
Just like I’d do with my DD.
The card idea is bizarre

I understand where you are coming from, as from experience of how sexual abuse can ruin lives, this is something I try teach my kids as well. But, mine are a bit older and I asked if they want a cuddle/hug/kiss whatever and if they say no I say ok that’s your choice, thank you etc

There are also times when he may need to be grabbed by someone other than you and its non negotiable. Doing something dangerous at school, running across the road etc. I've been grabbed as an adult by someone when I went to step out in front of a car not having looked properly - they didn't have time to say 'excuse me have you seen that car'

we arrived at swimming and the lifeguard rushed over to say hi, he shrank back in his pushchair while i was paying, and when i finished and we went to take our shoes off he had tears in his eyes.

For him to be so upset because someone came over to say hello, tells me that you’ve perhaps taught him to be afraid of people coming near him.

I get your intentions OP, it’s important to teach them bodily autonomy and I don’t think previous generations of parents did this enough, but you’ve gone way too far in the other direction, dial it down a bit.

Ha ha ha ha ha this is the funniest post I've read in a long time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tbf OP, both the examples you've given, you could and should have intervened on his behalf. If he's being pulled away from you or say in a pushchair being tickled and you can't tell he's unhappy then you're not paying enough attention

He will soon enough be good enough at communication this won't be an issue.

I remember (with a mixture of pride and embarrassment) DS hitting a random old lady who grabbed him.

She was under the impression he was a lot younger than he was (he is small) and was sprinting with his brother down an alleyway on our normal route to school/preschool.

We had preagreed spots for waiting for me to catch up, and he wouldn't have run in or near the road.

Luckily she was quite nice about being hit in the face, and I was pleased that he is harder to snatch than he looks.

The lifeguard said hi to your child?!?!
HOW VERY DARE HE -
Book the kid in for therapy now, before it's too late.

Op, you sound completely and utterly batshit. Please take note of 90% of the replies saying so, because you really will end up doing more harm than good. He cried at someone saying hello for a reason, you're teaching him that they shouldn't. You're taking this way too far, and in years to come you will be absolutely mortified.

I think you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time.

I always wondered why randoms would touch my kids though it never happened that much to me.

I think you know the cards are a bad idea but the 2 suggestions given are good.

1. You intervene if you see your kid looking uncomfortable with someone touching him.

If you find it hard to speak out this may be hard but you can always move your son away if he doesn’t like someone tickling/touching him. Or you can use Covid as an excuse but I wouldn’t say this so your son can hear or he’ll get a complex.

1. Teach your son to say stop if he doesn’t like anything though as pp said, most toddlers are good at showing when they don’t like something.

If someone does touch him and you suspect he’s upset then ask him how he felt about it. If he’s forgotten about it or he’s ok with it then let it be. If he is still upset then tell him he can say stop.

In my experience these things don’t happen too often but if it’s a repeat offender and your dd doesn’t like it then talk to that person.

I’m sure your dd gets lots of hugs etc from family but do agree not to teach him all touch is bad.

Regarding abuse, teach them about pants (nspcc) when he’s a little older. I did it when my daughters were about 3 or 4 and could understand. Then keep reinforcing the message as they grow that they can come to you with anything, good or bad and teach them about good and bad secrets.

The issue I would have with this is that my DC is much more likely to infringe the bodily autonomy of others than have their own bodily autonomy infringed.

They jump on me, hug me, kiss me, want to be picked up and swung around, grab my legs, go under my t-shirt, crawl under me, play horsey on me, lie on me, snuggle right next to me on the sofa....I think I could to with a few of those "please respect my bodily autonomy" cards to give to them !!!

They do a pared down version of this with relatives and nursery staff too... they may escape the worst of it but they definitely get climbed on, kissed, cuddled and generally mussed up by my DC.

Handing out cards asking for my DC's bodily autonomy to be respected would seem a bit hypocritical in the circumstances!!

You should put a lanyard on him that says "my parents encourage me to have body autonomy.. Don't touch me"

The card thing is a joke or journalistic device, yes?

The one thing I would say is that tickling can be v unpleasant if you don't like it. But it becomes (IMHO) very obvious very quickly to the tickler if the ticklee does not like it and then they should just stop.

Just tickling - not about everything.

A bit unhinged and overthinking things OP. If your son shrank back in his pushchair when someone else touched him, what were you doing? Why did you not police that interaction?

Are you a FTM? Is this your PFB?