SAHM/F: why did you decide to stay at home and what do you enjoy most about it?

[mrsruffallo]

Don't know whether this has been done before, but without having to justify your decisions, how has being a stay at home parent changed your life?

Nobody around? Oh good! (plays air guitar in the mirror)

I believe it's the best thing for my children. My DH and I had similar typed jobs which involved a lot of hard work, sometimes away from home. It would have been too near impossible for us to both have continued working. I also wanted to give up work. Was fed up and fancied a change. I also (controversial bit here) believe that it's best for kids in general to have a parent around all the time. I didn't have them for someone else to bring them up.

They are aged almost 3 and just turned 4. Once they are both at school, no I do not intend to rush back to work. We don't need the money and I've no great urge. I want to be there for them when they need help with their homework. I want to get all the other stuff out of the way so when they are here, I can give them more quality time instead of getting ratty and stressed. Some women cope admirably with doing all of this plus having a paid job. Good for them. But I am not that type, I'd get too flustered so this is what is best for me and my family.

I think it has made me suffer from a bit of 'mum brain' where I forget names, things, stuff to do coz I'm doing a lot of plate spinning. It has made me less materialistic (not that I was hugely anyway). It has given me a greater respect for my own Mum coz I'd no idea how hard it would be. It's made me more part of our local community. It has made me less conscious about how I look. It has aged me though.

how has it changed my life? radically.
I spent 20+ years in well paid employment, now I doss around all day ( kids are in school)

I was working until 18:30 and dd was going to bed at 19:00. I soon realized that I didn't have a child so that I would see her from weekend to weekend.

DD is 2.3 and I love being with her, although most days I can kill for some good adult conversation and find I have to go shopping to be treated with the kind of respect I got in my work life .

It's enabled me to study part time.

I know people work, study and spend time with their children and make it all work, but I'm not one of them.

So the work had to go

Hubby and I decided that one of us would stay at home full time with the kids and it is me as he can earn more.

I wanted to try and give them a half decent childhood as mine was pants and I would have hated someone else bringing them up.

Not saying child care doesn't do a good job, btw. I used to be a nanny in my past life.

It just felt like completely the right thing to do, I don't really remember making a decision to do it as such. There isn't a paid job I would rather be doing than this.

I know I am fortunate to be able to do it. We aren't rich, but as we rent we aren't in the position of having to have two incomes to support a mortgage.

The thing I enjoy most about it is not having to be stressed about the whole work/life balance and I like being the main carer for the boys and the time I am able to give to them (they are 4 and 2).

I decided to stay at home because I believe that babies and children need continuity in their primary carer, and I wanted to be that person. We've had to make financial sacrafices, but I wouldn't have missed a day of it for all the world.

The bits I enjoy most: I love that I am the person who knows my daughter best. I love being able to understand every mangled word and manic pointing. I love being there for every first - the biggies and the little things every day. I enjoy my daughter's company, and just like spending my days with this amazing little person. I am very lucky. I have a great network of friends and I organise our time quite well, so although I wouldn't say my life is intellectually challenging, I am never short of decent adult company.

How has it changed my life? I'm happy. I'm relaxed. I'm confident that I'm good at what I do. I don't sweat the little stuff. I liked my job when I worked, and I'm happy with the thought of going back some day, but for now this is the best job in the world.

as my dp works away and also works very long hours from time to time we decided would be best for me to stay at home

as worked shift work myself so technically someone else would be raising my dc not me and all my wages would be spent on them doing this nothing left for me

so was best choice

although have no where near as many friends no where near as many hangovers lol and my life is no where near as hectic sometimes dull

my life is also so much more enriched and so much more enjoyable waking up to see my ds smiling back and doing activities with him he is 2.6 now and have loved being with him

have moments of i need adult conversation but always pleased to get back to him i've loved watching him griow into this sensitive caring loving independant little boy

and i know its all been down to me!!

it just kind of happened that i ended up being a SAHM -we moved to a new city when i was pg and i decided i would just see what i thought about going back to work when the LO arrived. He is now 13 mo and i don't think i will be going back to work any time soon, it just wouldn't be financially worth it unless i went into a responsible job (which i am sure i could get) full time and i don't want to do that.
Some days i feel like climbing the walls but mostly i feel really lucky to be able to see my ds grow and develop, its the little moments when he discovers something new that are amazing. I am now studying PT (on a sort of distance learning course) which will hopefully mean that i qualify as a lawyer when my kids are about school age (its a very PT course!) and this just seems right with me.

I was all for going back to work, have paid the deposit on a nursery and then DS1 got very ill and was in intensive care (4 months old) and me and DH just looked at each other over the cot and monitor etc and I said that I wanted to remain at home with him. So we took a mortgage holiday and then DS2 came along and we moved to the NE so financial we could survice and be closer to family.

I love my kids and enjoy being with them, but would love some respect and kudos for the job I do with them sometimes. Not from DH, but from Mum and MIL.

My job was very demanding timewise and would have essentially meant not seeing dd in the week, just at weekends. Could not face that, as did not enjoy the job enough to sacrifice all that time with her.

They are young for such a short time I wanted to be able to enjoy it. After all if you take 5 or so years out you still have (god willing) 20 odd years of job/career left! So despite giving up a six figure salary (gulp) never regretted it for a moment.

Nothing beats being first in line to see all the development they go through, every new thing they achieve and the blissful freedom of bringing them up they way you want to.

It can be mind numbing and a pita and you tend to loose touch with the adult world, nothing brings you back to earth like a child!

At first I wanted to put ds into daycare in the first 6 months, but his now 2 and I'm so glad I didn't, the time you have with them when they are little is so short that a few pennies in the bank can't justify it. Our solution, dh works as he earns more than 3 times I can and I work from home when I can (which I haven't done in the last 2 years).

I stopped working for myself when I was pregnant with DS1 (very bad morning sickness and didn't want to let customers down)and then I found I had never had a job I enjoyed more than looking after DS1.
We don't need the money and so I didn't get things going again. More babies are in the planning so no point in thinking about going back to work (for now)

Being a SAHM has taught me not to judge people. I have met mums from all walks of life at various parenting groups and I know I wouldn't have crossed paths with them in my work life. Some are lovely some are not and the preconceived ideas I had about who would be lovely I am delighted to say are mostly wrong!

I have also become more confident about who I am - away from the suit - away from the company car - just me.
other peoples replies have made interesting reading.

Agree with everyone else

Had busy stressful job, 11 years working in the City. Partner likewise. Too much travel for both of us to make even one decent parent between us.
Would have meant full time nanny or nursery and being late to collect DD every day because of the trains
Have sold mansion, downsizing rapidly, moving to NE by Easter to live with relatives. All relatives in NE or Scotland so will actually get to see them once in a while now

Fully intended to go back to work after DD was born, booked nursery etc. Day after she was born I said I just couldn't leave her, and that was that. Mansion sold within next 6 months, leaving us to depend on just one salary.

Do feel like I am living in 1950s now, especially as I have developed a fetish for baking recently.

Wouldn't change a thing. Am very lucky.

I have been a SAHM for nearly 12 years now. During that time, life has actually been pretty full on as I have had 4 children. The youngest started school this September and I have arranged to do a full time refresher course in the New Year with the aim of going back to part-time work. Trouble is, since arranging the course, I have realised how nice it is being a SAHM. Now that all the children are at school, I find it very peaceful at home alone, I set myself tasks in the morning and try to spend some of the afternoons doing my own thing. It is relaxing and enjoyable and I enjoy the satisfaction of maintaining a home for my family. In truth, I am dreading the full-time course and don't really want to go back to even part-time work. Gulp!

I took 1yr mat leave and originally we were both going to work flexi time with maybe 1/2 days with dd at childminder, that would have been due to financial constraints.

but it did not work out that way, my employers weren't flexible enough and dh's work changed and his salary went up enabling me to give up work.

I think it was a shock after 20yrs working it took time to adapt, change of status and less money all around. sometimes it can be lonely but you soon build a network. it is a change of pace.

But we always wanted to be one of us as the main carer at least for the first few years.

I am happy with this arrangement and life changed beyond all recognition, I have also managed to re start studying.
love looking after my daughter and hope to have another child soon.

at some point I will go back to work hopefully self employed

As much love being a SAHM but the decission was realy taken because going back to work just wouldn't have worked.

Because once we took the cost of going to work (cost of running a car petrol,mot, repairs and insurance)and the cost of childcare ment i would be working for for very little or nothing. We wouldn't get help towards childcare as we would earn to much.

I would also have to drop dd at a childminder at 7.30am and not pick her up until 6.30pm thus never seeing her. It just wasn't for me, we wanted children and wanted to see them other then when they were asleep.

It took me a long time to get used to being a SAHM, we moved a few times so I didn't really get to meet anyone and dp works very long hours so I was very lonely.

But now I absolutely love it, I'm very lucky not to miss out on anything and although I am tearing my hair out at times, I wouldn't change it for the world.

They're only little for such a short time and with dp working so much I think it's important for them to know I am here all the time as they can go for days without seeing their dad.

If I did go back to work I would only be doing it to pay for childcare and there is no point in that. I have always fancied starting a course but am still undecided on what I want to do.

I'm very happy just being mum for now

very interesting thread.
i was self employed,working from home and also had part time job out of the house,up until maternity leave.but i always knew i wanted to be at home for my child.work was not all that fullfilling for me.
loved raising my DD and thought maybe i would carry on with work at home when she went to school.however not resumed it,even though she's been at school a year.just like being able to do housework or relax and be there to pick DD up from school,instead of trying to do all chores at night and no time for DD after school.not at all materialistic and we get by nicely on Dh's salary.we don't spend much and have alsorts,but who cares!.
i do get lonely sometimes,but spend some afternoons with my mum.one day i will look back and cherish this.family is more important to me,than any job i've ever had(and i've had a variety).if life gets dull i just focus on doing a big house 'clearout' or just go out a bit more to stop cabin fever.i've always been a bit of a loner anyway,so lack of company doesn't bother me that much.if i do start to think,those at work are having a better time,i remind myself of all the things i didn't like about work and all the freedom i have to do things when i want(the greatest reward),at my own pace.no deadlines,or people relying on me e.t.c....best...no juggling and guilt that i'm not there for DD

yes so glad it has stayed positive and free of the home verses work debate.what else do you like about it?.

it's only 26 posts plenty of time for
' you are a disgrace, etc etc'

honestly would not have it any other way, love being a mum these days, never thought I would when I was in my 20's or even early 30's