SAHM/F: why did you decide to stay at home and what do you enjoy most about it?

[mrsruffallo]

Don't know whether this has been done before, but without having to justify your decisions, how has being a stay at home parent changed your life?

It's funny- on this forum at least, I find the sahm's more open minded about choice in childcare whereas sahm are called boring, dull, depressed etc on a regular basis

I took a year's maternity leave, went back to work full time for a bit - and hated it. Hated the fact I was spending 8 hours a day working, plus up to 2 hours commuting, and seeing so little of my son. Hated the fact that I was supposed to just slot back into my old working life and pretend that I hadn't changed - and what a massive change it was - and that my priorities weren't completely different. I also realised I didn't actually like my job anymore, so there was an added impetous for me to leave.

The massive benefit of being a SAHM, for me, has been slowing down the pace of life a bit (from the frenetic speed at which my life seemed to be going in my career-driven 20s) and just 'hanging out' with my boy. I like the fact that there is no massive rush in the morning to get anywhere. I like the fact that I am the lucky one who gets to take him to the park, swimming, toddler groups, nursery etc. We have a lot of fun together, lots of little adventures, and nobody knows him better than I do. I see him all day every day, and see how quickly he changes (amazing!) and for the most part, it is a pleasure and a privilege. He is 3 next month, and I will NEVER regret having spent these precious first few years with him. I feel very, very lucky.

Another personal positive is that over the last few years, with time to reflect and work out what's important to me, I have decided on a complete career change for the future - something I feel really passionately about, and which will fit in more flexibly around my family life. I don't know if I would have reached this decision if I hadn't have had some 'time out' from work to really mull things over.

erm...24 hr access to mumsnet?!

No really, I agree with all the lovely and heartfelt things said above

Love it!

Love Angel-nice post and one which I can totally relate to. My dd started reception last september and I really miss those long hazy days. I am at home with ds and its great but due to school run we don't have the freedom of rambling days to such an extent.
Job-wise when I go back to work I too have decided that I must do something I feel passionately about as I have changed as a person and must acknowlegde that

I planned to go back to work but just felt I couldn't. Like other posters, love seeing him do things for the first time and that I mostly understand what he wants (demands!!) I too feel really lucky and was surprised how fulfilling and busy, busy being SAHM can be.

I never really thought I would be at home with my dd for this long (she's 3 now) but there has never been a point at which I would have felt able to hand her over to anyone else to look after. It took me completely by surprise as I was never a particularly maternal or nurturing person before her birth. So I suppose I have learned a lot about myself or perhaps changed a lot. I'm not sure which.

I absolutely identify with feeling you must do something you feel passionately about now. I am looking into training for a new career where I would feel a lot more worthwhile than in my former role. I was doing a really interesting, varied job before but it just feels a bit pointless now.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend so much time with her and be there to support her.

I was going to say a bit more, but dd has just run through clutching tigger and roo, asking if I can show her pictures of porcupines on the computer. So I'm going to do that now, and it sort of sums up why I love being a SAHM.

This is a really positive thread and lovely to read. I've never really been pro-SAHM, mainly because the ones I've met have been total bitches who've tried to put me down as a WOHM. But you're all inspiring me with your choices and reasons for being at home. It's good to read.

Lovely thread. Just reading it has helped re-ignite an appreciation of my kids - how short their growing-up years are and how special to be able to spend it with them.

Now, what was I going to say ... oh yeah, I also really appreciate the levelling experience of parenthood. Meeting people who in their 'other' lives might have been super scary professionals, or 'not quite my type', but who I can just meet as people and appreciate their wisdom, humour, friendship etc. Like someone else said, it's taught me not to be so judgemental and I reckon that's a lesson worth learning.

Thank you everyone for your positive and refreshing posts.

My choice of being a sahm hasn't been an active choice. I left my job by moving to the UK to be with dh several yrs ago. I had the children. Had I stayed in Milan I would have gone back to work after my maternity leave had finished, like everyone I know does here.
I was expecting to be a fabolous sahm, but to my surprise I find it extremely dull. At the beginning it just made me feel even more lonely than I actually felt by moving to the UK.

Oh Franca, what a shame. I must say I have always thought that having my family close by and a good network of local friends both with and without children was a vital part of finding this a positive experience. Poor you. I hope you're feeling less isolated now, though.

(What a carve up is one of my faves too...)

Franca- you sound quite low. What can you change?

The agreement was always for me to return to work (part time) after having my DD.

Sadly job started going pear shaped whilst I was pregnant, it was clear there was zero flexibility or good will towards me as an employee, despite many years of working hard far and beyond my hours, including countless unpaid overtime hours. So I quit.

I love being at home, being able to parent my DD. It would of ripped my heart out to put her in a nursery, I am so lucky to have had the option to stay at home with her.

I have moved home to be closer to my parents, made new friends, joined clubs, doing bits of volunteer work. Just finished a short course and should be on another one shortly. I have the house to keep during the day and my craft hobbies, mumnet and reading in the evenings. I always seem to be dashing from one thing to another, I couldn't see how I could fit in a job on top of everything else I do.

I decided to stay at home firstly because I really wanted to be the one to care full time for dd & resented the thought of paying someone to do what I wanted to do for her. Secondly because after childcare we wouldn't have been much better off with me working & my job FT would have meant me seeing her pretty much weekends only.

It has radically changed my life - things are much slower paced now. I love being the person who knows & understands dd best. At the moment (16 months) I am the only one who understands virtually anything she is trying to say - feel like her personal translator at times!!

I know I am lucky that DH earns enough to allow me to stay at home & we have made many financial sacrifices & but I wouldn't change it & am glad I was brave enough to follow my heart.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so low , I am actually quite proud of having raised two happy children without much help (apart from precious precious nursery) and of having overcome a sense of loss and isolation and made a few sincere friendships in the last few years.
We have just moved back to Milan and I am quite happy of being near my family and friends, though now I feel the pressure of finding a job...
Mrs Ruffalo, I think that the best thing I could do now is trying to get to the roots of why I always feel so disappointed by myself.
(Maenad, yes, it was a great novel isn't it? )

franca, I think parenthood makes us take a look at how we respond to things and why- its reassessing your role in life and within your family. Probably a good thing in the long run isn't it?

I didn't seriously consider trying to combine a career and small children. DH was earning enough to support us comfortably and was working the kind of hours that made his input into childcare negligible. I didn't feel ABLE to do the kind of practical and emotional juggling needed to be a WOHM and I knew I would be rubbish at employing people to 'replace myself' in the home, because I am too soft and non-confrontational. I admire women who make a good job of raising children and working - to me it is a much harder thing to do than being a SAHM.

I enjoy the 'being on top of things' in the household and with the children's routines, and not feeling torn between two worlds. I don't have any maternal guilt, which seems to be the curse of the WOHM.

I DO hope to return to work at some point though - don't want being a SAHM to be my career because I can imagine my future daughters-in-law looking at me with incredulity, just as I secretly did to DHs mother who still stayed home all day even when her kids were grown and gone

I made a concious decision to be a SAHM. I had 3 miscarriages before DD arrived in one piece and I went back to work when she was 14 weeks old for 3 days a week. I felt I owed it to my employer, as they'd taken me on when pg.

Just as the girl was due to start school my enjoyable job was facing major changes. I wasn't as happy as I'd been in the past and I decided that I could do without the hassle of working and organising childcare. I had my 4th miscarriage and thought, hang on...what's important here? And decided my girl was.

I loved work, but I love being a SAHM more! I traded on Ebay from girl being 1 and have increased effort/started selling duvets and haven't looked back.

What do I love most??? Being here when the girl's sick...when school holidays come along. Going on any school trips I fancy. Helping out at school when I can. Shopping during the sales when most people are at work! Hanging around for a chat with the other SAHMs after we've dropped the kids off. Being able to do tons of playdates. Too many positives to mention.

Yes money's tight sometimes, but the joys of being a SAHM are just too many to mention!! And DH loves it too (though I have to add quickly I am SO NOT the kind of mum who has tea on the table, house looking spotless, LOL!).

I made a decision to be a SAHM when, after 5 long years of fertility treatment I finally became pregnant with twins.

I knew I was never gonna be in a position where I was earning such a fabulous wage that I would be able to pay out for 2 lots of childcare as I have no family nearby.

In September my twins will be going to secondary school and I have one more at primary but have no intention of going back to work. I love being my own boss.

The thing that most puts me off going back to work is like another poster mentioned, you are basically working to make someone else rich!!!!! Am at college part time now though.

DH and I agreed before we fell pregnant that I would stay at home and be with the children until they were at full time school.

I love it, I love knowing DS1's friends and their families I love knowing what DS's are gabbling about.

I am hoping in the next couple of weeks to be back ontop of general household stuff so that I can restart our family craft afternoons.

DS1 does mornings at nursery school and Monday Wed Fridays we tend to do art / cooking / gardening type things in the afternoons Tuesday and Thursday afternoons are out of the house activities. (Whilst DS2 has a 2 hour afternoon nap)

DS2 slots in and I love having him all to myself in the mornings

Love it !! it would take an amazing job to take me away from the boys - there is no amount of money that would make me do it.

Good to read about others who love it as well.

I never intended to be a SATM - I loved my job, I loved working, I was never particularly interested in having a child, then I became pregnant somewhat sooner then planned and my DH was offered the chance to move to New York and suddenly I found myself in another country with no work permit and a newborn child. And to my surprise I love it. My DD is 4 and a half months and I'm not sure that I will go back to full time work even though my permit has now arrived. I may work part time (my career would allow me to do so) but I'm suprised by how much I am currently enjoying myself (admittedly my ds is young enough that I can currently spend some time reading during the day while she amuses herself cooing at things and trying to grab them and I know this will change).

I didn't expect to be a sahm either - but then I didn't know how much joy I would get out of just spending time with ds. I can't see how any job could be more fulfilling or pleasant than spending days going to swimming classes, playgroups, having coffees, lying in bed with ds as he wakes up slowly from his nap. As for ds, I feel that he has a much more relaxed, varied and happy existence then he would be stuck in one building all week.

The only downside is that I feel that there is now a bit of awkwardness between me a my wohm friends (which is all the mothers I knew before ds). We've made different choices and, unfortunately, those choices tend to reflect on each others' choices. I feel that they think I'm being lazy and also that my being at home makes them a bit defensive about being at work - not that I make any remarks, just in that I am an example of an alternative lifestyle which is becoming so rare that they are not usually confronted with it.