SAHM/F: why did you decide to stay at home and what do you enjoy most about it?

[mrsruffallo]

Don't know whether this has been done before, but without having to justify your decisions, how has being a stay at home parent changed your life?

I started working f/t with DD in nursery 8-5, i never considered SAH then as it was just assumed I would work (i was only 20) and I felt it more socially acceptable. I gave it up as was fed up of not seeing DD all day and the mad rush and DD hated nursery. I too was aiming for a bigger house and car etc and since becoming a SAHM (after a long adjustment period) have found a new inner peace and freedom which I love.

I am not materialistic at all though luckily and am happy sharing a car and having a smallish house. I did used to work weekends when DH was off but he got a new job with shifts. I couldn't afford childcare and work expenses for 4 anyway even if I did want to go back-which i don't even though they are now at school. I am doing a degree with OU instead and love having time to do stuff so i can pick them up and do stuff with them and take them to clubs etc. My attitude now is why work if you don't have to. Jobs are often overated and some involve little stimulation and are just making other people rich. I also think what defines a 'job' simply being paid?

It seems abit pointless now to me paying someone else to look after my children while i am paid to do something else for others. Employers can replace you tomorrow but your kids can't. We don't need all this tat they try to convince us we need (and often you earn more you just spend more and have more expenses). Time is of value more than money.

Just wanted to thank you all for his thread. I am so glad it hasnt turned into a slanging match. I wprk PT but am secretly hoping to be a SAHM once my second is born in April. Mainly becuase we dont have any family nearby and I have a stressful London job. In fact tonight I was rubbin my hands with glee when I picked DD up from nursery with the thought that as of finshing work tomorrow I will have her to myself (and DH) for 2 weeks. No nursery. No rushing around. No getting up at 6.30 to catch the 7AM train into London. My only reservations are not having any money and little chance of getting back into my reasonably well paid job at some point in the future. I also worry about the pressure it would put on DH to keep the money rolling in. Decision is not made but many of you have confirmed what I already thought. The saddest part for me is how little mothering (or fathering!) is valued. Since falling pregnant with DC2 friends have asked whether I am going to give up work and I have been almost embarrassed to admit that I would like too. I have a degree and a professional type job but nursery will still always be second best to me.

Happy christmas everyone

"It seems abit pointless now to me paying someone else to look after my children while i am paid to do something else for others."

That's a very good point

I'm a SAHM mum because DH works exceedingly long hours (min. 50 hours a week sometimes many many many more) and my job involved travel/ ability to work long hours/ stay away at drop of hat and I knew it wouldn't work very well. That was the practical reason.

Emotionally I didn't want anyone else looking after my baby and I thought once she got to 1 I might think differently but I didn't. She started pre-school at 2.8 which she loves but I still want to be the one picking her up and taking her. As she doesn't really see very much of her Dad I think she needs some sort of stability.

I also hated my job which was a very compelling reason

What do I like about it - having done so many things with her and watching her develop and enjoy life. I can't imagine not being the one to pick her up from school or be there in the hols.

I also like not commuting and not getting up early (although that does mean I have to get up in the night if needed but thankfully thats few and far betweenthese days touch wood).

I just wanted to reread this thread and wonder if anyone else had comments as the ongoing MN debate re this issue is never far from the surface and I found this thread surprisingly gentle and honest (yes I know I started it!)

I have always wanted to be a SAHM.
I gave up my job in banking to be a SAHM, but this was not questionable to us.
I could not deal with someone else bringing my boys up either. I wanted to see them walk, hear their first words, witness the creation of their first masterpieces.
DH and I feel it is the parents' place.

We have had to make financial cutbacks to accomodate this decision but even if I had gone back to work we would be no better off. We are another family who would find paying for childcare a catch 22.

In my eyes, I am living the dream!

Yes, I think unless you earn lots and lots it is just as hard to make ends meet if paying for childcare

Being a SAHM is the best thing for me personally. I do think it is possible for both parents to work and for the children to have a happy upbringing, but for me personally, I love being a SAHM and the freedom it brings. And I'm good at it - the more I've been at home with my children, the more I've enjoyed it.

But you do have to be careful not to get bored and resentful. I do voluntary work to keep my brain working and to give me interests outside parenting, and to be able to put something on my cv other then 'finger painting'.

And financially you do need your own bank account and pension.

My dh works a lot in a stressful job, and it suits us that I keep the house in order and have food ready for him when he gets home from work.

but at some point in the future, I will gp back to work, exactly what I don't know. I have qualifications and work experience, but I am totally lacking a gene in ambition.

go not gp!

When I fell pregnant with ds I was working in international marketing, working mad hours; expected to be in the office early to communicate with our Australian office, and expected to stay into the evening to communicate with our US offices. So a long day. As well as taking work home (and I was only a junior/assistant!!)

Dh worked / still works as an electrical and airconditioning/refrigeration engeneer. Better daytime hours, but opportunity for lots of well-paid overtime including many weekends.

Neither of us would be available to pick the baby up from childminder/nursery on a regular basis, and we did not want a baby to place it in childcare from 7am to 7pm.

We are very lucky for me to be able to say at home. We are by no means loaded, infact we are only just paying all our monthly bills. But we bought our house (a modest victorian semi) before the houseprices went mad so we can afford the mortgage on one income.

I love being at home with the dc. I love not having to juggle work and thier needs. They are both at school now (youngest in reception) and I help at their school with reading etc. I love not to have to worry about taking time off work when the dc are ill and off school.
Dh loves having me at home because he can concentrate on his job, do overtime as requested etc, without having to think about how to work it around the dc.

As I said, we are by no means rich, and when you live in affluent Surrey commuter belt surrounded by big houses and flash cars you sometimes think you have made the wrong decision. But acutally, I know I have not. I have stopped measuring myself on material posessions, the person I am is not defined by the age of my car or the size of my house. It is measured by how happy we are as a family

'I have stopped measuring myself on material posessions, the person I am is not defined by the age of my car or the size of my house. It is measured by how happy we are as a family'

Lovely post Hippi

thank you belgo

it is a motto I try to live by, but when I visit friends in their huge houses, or get a lift in their brand new mahoosive flash car, I do sometimes wobble a bit

Just tired of the same old arguments, everyone getting defensive and huffy or a bit off. I have resurrected this thread as it had such a nice vibe and not judgey at all

feeling as free as a bird

plb, that's lovely-and very true

Being a mum, at home with your child/children, is the hardest, most fulfilling work I've ever done.

I'm not always good at it, because I'm not being paid. To be honest, I don't always even give it my best shot, but I know my son and he knows me. And sometimes we piss each other off, and that's fine.

In fact, that's more than fine.

This is a great thread to read as I am about to pack up my much fought for career although my youngest is now 6yrs old. I've just realise I've missed a lot and need to grab it before they turn into moddy teenagers.

Does anyone else regret not stopping earlier???

Why? Because, we live abroad, we have no relatives nearby and my dh travels to a different country every week, so it was important for one of us to be "the anchor".

Also, having had to wait 8 yrs to get pregnant, when she finally arrived we both felt we wanted dd to be looked after by one of us.

It did meaning making financial sacrifices though: no holidays, no new clothes for 2 yrs and our car is 12 years old and battered.

Best decision we ever made. It's a real luxury in the early days to be able to go at a young child's pace and not have your daily schedule dictated by the demands of the outside world.

Also, I'm a control freak and love being my own boss and love all those messy craft activities; and having the time to jump in puddles/piles of leaves, looking intently at a beetle ....hwr mad that sounds.

I've gone back to work part-time now but have arranged my hours so that I can still take dd to school and pick her up and be with her until bedtime. I consider myself extremely lucky.

MO- sounds like a good decision imo. Now my eldest is at achool I miss her terribly

Having a kip/snooze on the sofa with DS 2 during the afternoon, then one eye on the clock at 2.30, thinking time for a Nice cup of tea and biscuit with DS2 before doing the school run to pick up DS1. Bliss. sod the dusting!

Yes, Sixer, why do people assume sahm's clean all day? That makes me laugh. Well, I do it when we have visitors

god, in so many ways it has changed my life.
made me realise there is so much more to life than work.
I decided to stop because I thought it was the best thing for dd1, and I thought there was no-one else who ocul ddo such a good job as me
I enjoy being such a central part of the dd's lives, and also being at the centre of the community.
I also like following the seasons, the excitement as spring approaches etc.

Yes, hapsi and I think being outside a lot is so valuable for us all esp children. We take a trip to Kew when the bluebells are in bloom and it is truly beautiful.

I fell into it really - had hoped to work pt after a years maternity leave, but moving due to DH's job ended those plans.

DH is in the Forces, and the main earner, so him giving up his job would never have been an option.

I love the freedom that I have. DS1 goes to nursery 5 mornings a week, and DS2 and I just chill out. DS2 is really hard work, and I don't think I'd cope if I went out to work. He doesn't do being rushed around or made to do things that he doesn't want. He's also a 24/7 bfer who's never taken a bottle, so I dread to think of the trauma going back to work would have involved.

Today DH is off work, so DS1 is 'skipping school' and we're going to see some friends in Cornwall.

Also, my parents live abroad so the DS's and I go to see them 3 times a year for between 2 and 8 weeks at a time. Can't see me being able to fit that in with many jobs