Someone said I stink

[Jen871]

This is more like a rant. When I'm doing the school run I wear the same clothes as I work 12 hour nights 8-8 and my son starts school at 8.45. I wear the same clothes to work because I work in a factory and I don't want to ruin good clothes.

The other day I was waiting for the teacher to open the door with some other parents, when I heard one of the parents say to the other that I stink. This annoyed me but I didn't say anything.

The annoying part is that these women don't work. They drop their kids off to school and then god knows what, they have no idea the 12 hour shift I've just done and how hard me and my husband work to be able to afford the luxuries we have.

I don't want my son picked on at school because parents are going around saying I stink. It's annoying as hell. I can't get changed after work because there just isn't time.

@lockdownmadnessdotcom

Becayse if you smell so bad that you need to put coverings in your car and other people are offended it’s likely going to end up being an issue for the child

maybe the middle class mummies who don't need to work could not say anything to their kids? There's nothing worse that the witches coven of school gate mothers transferring their views to their kids which in turn find their way into one child bullying another.

So it's smelly. Put a clothes peg on your nose and shut up if it's that bad. Presumably they're not that stupid that they can't see the OP has clearly just come from work. Stupid enough to make offensive comments though.

Ignore the Febreze comment OP. It's got horrible chemicals in and should be banned.

I didn't know that about Febreeze!

However, I get what you say about the mummies/coven at school gates who, incidentally, won't all be middle class and unemployed. That's a bit of a generalisation. Nevertheless a lot of gossip goes on in these pavement pow wows which is why I avoided them if at all possible.

It was a rude thing to say, probably off the top of her head but there was no need to say it, especially in front of others - and within earshot of the op by the sound of it. I sincerely hope it is never said in front of children who might repeat it or tease the op's child.

They don't know that the op works all night in a smelly environment.

Earlier on I wondered why the op has to work there, can she not find a more congenial job during the day. Please don't shoot me down for asking that, I do realise jobs are hard to find in some places. I always lived in the London area where there were, and are, plenty of clean day time jobs.

In her place I think I would cut down on the 'luxuries', whatever they are. When my child was small, luxuries were few and far between and we just accepted it, were glad to be able to pay the mortgage and bills. A lot of others we knew were in the same boat at that time and we all had quite good jobs.

Finances generally do improve as time goes on, op.

In the meantime, make sure you are freshly bathed and hair washed, fragrant and pristine in clean clothes, when you go back to the school at pick up time. The fellow parents won't recognise you!

Good luck.

@SummerHouse

Whatever the background story on your aroma, they are utter arseholes.

When you consider the background, they are even bigger arseholes.

At least you can shower. They will always be arseholes.

THIS ^

In spades!

How dare they comment publicly on your hygiene. I'd be upset, too. I'm sure you'd love the luxury of enough time to get a quick shower before you took your sone to school. They are being total R-soles. Try to ignore them.

If there is ever any evidence of your son suffering because they are tw*ts, take it up with the school straight away.

So sorry you have to suffer these humiliating and unnecessary remarks.

I'd be tempted to take the bull by the horns and ask them what they mean, but I know this is easier said than done, especially when you are tired after a full shift. You may feel too shattered to argue or alternatively to angry to trust yourself.

Changing clothes wont' get rid of the smell completely but it will cut it down a fair bit, especially if the OP is outside and several feet away from people.

Any chance of your husband doing the school run, or dropping the children with another parent or a childminder? It seems hard on you to have to take responsibility both for taking the children to school and, presumably, collecting them on top of 12 hour shifts.

I think this is a but harsh but the women were right to speak up OP.

From reading your comments it's like your not willing to do anything. Can you finish work 30 mins earlier? So you can shower?

If it was me I would be so embarrassed I would change my routine. I've done 13 hour nights too.

PLUMTREE
*Earlier on I wondered why the op has to work there, can she not find a more congenial job during the day. Please don't shoot me down for asking that, I do realise jobs are hard to find in some places. I always lived in the London area where there were, and are, plenty of clean day time jobs.

In her place I think I would cut down on the 'luxuries', whatever they are. When my child was small, luxuries were few and far between and we just accepted it, were glad to be able to pay the mortgage and bills. A lot of others we knew were in the same boat at that time and we all had quite good jobs.

Finances generally do improve as time goes on, op.

In the meantime, make sure you are freshly bathed and hair washed, fragrant and pristine in clean clothes, when you go back to the school at pick up time. The fellow parents won't recognise you!*

I can't be sure if you are being sarcastic or if you are actually serious with this advice?

"It's a meat factory, I clean the machines so it does get messy."

Well, that's a bit of a drip feed isn't it?
Nothing to do with sweat then. Can't be helped if you can't change I suppose.

Can you change clothes and have a bit of a clean at the factory? Growing up my best friend’s dad worked all hours at a fish processing factory but he never smelled. He was so meticulous about hygiene.

OP just freshen up a bit. Just a bit of wipe, deodorant, clean clothes after your shift.
3- 5 min max.
Sorry you had to go through it!
All respect for your hard work!
I did once have a lady grab her DD and keep out of my way because I was on my uniform! A grown up DD by the way LOL. Clean and all. Just dark navy blue, polo shirt, work trousers, and steel toe huge shoes! Nothing sinister, or at least I thought so. I did change at work from then on, as I did not want anyone bothering my little one.

Just stick a clean top on and use spray, that takes seconds and will help massively.

If the smell is so strong people are commenting on it you need to do something as it's unfair on your ds...... And I know, we shouldn't bow down to arseholes but that won't stop them unfortunately.

Bollocks to what they think!!

Don't change anything because of completely thoughtless bitchy people, they need to give their heads a shake.

I empathise OP, I work too and there are lots of parents who don't work and have all day to do yoga, go to cafes etc.
But on the odour side - can you just get a nice fresh body spray that you can just spray over yourself before getting to the school?

OP, how awful. I suspect the remarks were doubly cutting as you are bound to feel sensitive after a twelve hour night shift.

Be proud. You are doing your best to provide for your DC. And it will pass. Soon, sooner than your expect you will be able to drop him off at the gates and not enter the school yourself. Before then you will discover that others don't work because they are provided for, either by husbands or by the taxpayer. You are a good role model for you child.

As others have said, it gets easier. Hopefully you earn enough to put a bit aside, and hopefully as your child becomes more independent, you will be able to look for other jobs with more congenial hours.

In the meantime, you probably can't do much about the smell as it will linger. But hold you head up high and don't worry.

They didn't "speak up", though, did they, Augtwo? OP overheard a nasty comment about her between two other mums. That's a dagger to the heart.

I think brazen outspokenness is the answer. Next time, OP could smile and say, " Sorry ladies, I know I pong. I've come straight off a 12 hour factory shift making sure you and your kids get your (name branded meat products here) at the (name) supermarket. Don't you ever wonder how it gets there?

And I'd offer your child's teacher to come in one day and talk to the children about your job and how their food is manufactured. If you emphasise the big powerful machines and the noise and size of the place I bet they'd love it!

Make sure your DS has a few proud statements ready about what his DM does, too. We can't all be florists or make up counter salespeople. Some jobs are smelly!

Fish counters, chip shop assistants, bin men and women, motor mechanics, we need them all. Thank you for what you do!

Theres no excuse for poor hygiene though! Your not the only person in the world who works long hours. Morning wash, 24 hour deodorant and clean clothes daily. This is common sense stuff

Well it’s true you will stink. Obviously it’s unkind of them to be talking about it in your presence but maybe they were hoping you’d hear and start to wash/change pre drop off?

You say you don’t want your kid to get bullied for having a stinky mam so you really need to do something cos kids (and parents) are mean, you’ve had lots of good tips unthread.

@MissMaple82

Theres no excuse for poor hygiene though! Your not the only person in the world who works long hours. Morning wash, 24 hour deodorant and clean clothes daily. This is common sense stuff

Wash where? Between work and school...

I had a friend who worked at a loch fyne and used to come clubbing with us after her shift. She did, indeed, smell strongly of fish. Even after changing clothes/spritzing etc.

I think to be honest your best bet if you ARE bothered about minimising the smell, is barrier method- pop a thick coat and hat over your clothes to add an extra layer,

Or if you just want to confront these parent playground bullies, why don’t you talk to them? Explain you heard, explain your job, and tell them it hurt your feelings. It would take a special kind of arsehole not to knock it off after that.

Keep a heavily perfumed fleece to chuck on in the car. Spray yourself with impulse when you get out to xxx

You work 8-8 with zero break at all, to put on some deodorant and perfume? Can you not do that in the car?
Do you shower every day? brush teeth?
You say you wear the same clothes each day - do you never wash these clothes? Can you get a spare set?
Do you smoke?
Can anyone else take the DC to school?
I've never heard of anyone working 12 hours every day, unless you are counting your commute into that. It would be illegal for starters.
I'm going to say YABU. I think you are making excuses here.

Are you friendly with any of the parents? Could you confide in them how upset you are that people are saying you stink when you can't do anything about it because you've come straight from work? If they hear people being rude then they could just explain the situation to the other parents for you if you don't feel like you can (I find it's often hard to speak up when it's you being targeted). What about your son's friends? could you invite them round after school and get to know some of the parents a bit that way if you don't already?

If you have other mum friends and you child has friends to play already and this is just a case of one or two bitchy mothers with nothing better to do I'd leave them to it. You know you're doing the best for your family, they're the ones with the problem not you.

Perhaps turn it back on them
Gosh she stinks .. you reply
" yes I expect I do stink , I've just worked a 12 hour shift in a very smelly environment,I only just have enough time to go straight from work to pick up Charlie and get him here on time before I get chance to bathe before getting some sleep .... "

@seasidehouse

Perhaps turn it back on them Gosh she stinks .. you reply " yes I expect I do stink , I've just worked a 12 hour shift in a very smelly environment,I only just have enough time to go straight from work to pick up Charlie and get him here on time before I get chance to bathe before getting some sleep .... "

There's no excuse though walking around smelling purposely when you have been told (not nice I know). This is not OK and to inflict it onto others. Come on!

I've never heard of anyone working 12 hours every day, unless you are counting your commute into that. It would be illegal for starters

Really? Of course 12 hour shifts are legal. It’s common in the emergency services and also for night shift workers- longer shifts, but more days to recover.

Yes you get a break, but an hour in the middle of the shift or a 20 min break three hours before it ends isn’t going to help the o/p’s situation is it?

O/p i don’t think there’s much you can do other than try and laugh it off with “sorry, that’s what a 12 hr night shift in a meat factory will do, not enough vegans and vegetarians yet!”, or get your son to walk himself in if he’s old enough.

Stuff them. Some people have to work in these places if they want their sausages and steak bakes…

It's very rude of them to comment.
Yes, clearly you do smell. You've done a long shift in a messy job and you smell .
Big fucking whoop. They need to grow up.

Use a 48 hour deodorant so you know BO isn't in the mix (sweating over a 12 hour shift is also normal!)

I wouldn't advise spraying perfume or something. That's really not going to hide the smell it'll just mix with it and make you smell even worse!

You really should try to say something to these women. Very bluntly. I come straight from a 12 hour shift in a meat factory so yes, I smell of that. Grow up.

Something like that.

There's not much else you can do . There's nothing you can spray, wipe or otherwise apply in a couple of minutes that has a hope in hell of tackling the smell.