Mums who gave up good careers to be SAHMs

[poppymaewrite]

I’m thinking that I might want to do this in the future, as I would love to be a SAHM and home school my children.

But- I have a good job and graduated with a ‘good’ degree. I hate the idea of relying on a man, especially if things don’t work out/divorce. I won’t ever be able to afford to stay at home though otherwise.

I know that being a SAHM can be vilified, especially if you have good career prospects. But what are your experiences? Do you have any regrets? Any words of advice?

[quote PegasusReturns]@Letsallscreamatthesistene I’m interested to know what sort of job you have.

I’d imagine there are very few good careers where it’s possible to progress if you always say no to working outside your contracted hours.

The only friend I can think of who doesn’t have that issue is a pilot and that’s because of course she doesn’t get asked.[/quote]
Military officer. 50k plus. I went part time (or flexi hours as the military call it.) I set the precident early. I remember being asked if I wouldnt mind coming in for a meeting that was on one of my days off. I said no because it was on a day off. I dont get asked anymore because they know what the answer will be.

We both went part time. Admittedly that only works if you can both earn well and don’t have expensive tastes, but it’s been great for our family.

Thanks @Letsallscreamatthesistene

I know nothing about the military or what an officer does day to day but I’m guessing it’s more civil service like than the corporate world so more rigid rules around promotion; no accommodating intercontinental hours and no worry about denting the annual bonus.

@PegasusReturns

Thanks *@Letsallscreamatthesistene*

I know nothing about the military or what an officer does day to day but I’m guessing it’s more civil service like than the corporate world so more rigid rules around promotion; no accommodating intercontinental hours and no worry about denting the annual bonus.

The rules arent so rigit, and you defo need to be a bit thrusty if you want to promote. Im happy with not being that for the sake of work/life balance. Sometimes intercontinental hours depending on the operational need, but someone else is able to field calls if urgent. We dont get a bonus though, so thats not a concern.

Sounds lovely but, you were only able to do that because another adult has taken on the financial responsibility. So if you did not have all the money in the world you could not have done it.

The OP asked for experiences, I gave mine

My husband did take on the majority of the financial responsibility, yes, this is what we both wanted. We are a partnership and we work together to get the life we both want.

Of course it would have been different had I been alone, I would have been forced to do things differently, but that was not my experience, hence me not detailing it.

If you can manage it, it's definitely worth being a stay at home parent. I loved my job and being a stay at home person can be dull and grinding, but it's worth it for the benefits to the kids and wider community imo. Working as a parent almost destroyed me. I was never giving anything my full attention. Now my children are growing up and I have started perusing my own interests again, while still here if they are in school holidays, ill or what have you.
I know I'm extremely fortunate to have had this option. It has meant cutting back (no holidays, smaller home, etc) but it was an option and I'm very happy I took it.

@Nomoreusernames1244

*I was lucky to have a choice. I chose to be a SAHM as it was massively important to me.

My son is now just in reception and I will be having a look and deciding where I want to be. I know I don't want to go back to my long hours and days, but I have loved being at home with him and spending that quality time with him, for me I would not give that time up for all the money in the world, those times are priceless to us. I decided the benefits and joy of that time together far outweigh the risksI*

Out of interest, did you ask your partner whether he wanted any of those benefits and joy, and might have wanted to spend that quality time with his son? If he had wanted to, would you have sacrificed some of that priceless time so you could both go pt, for example, and share that joy?

There are many reasons for being a sahp, but the fathers feelings never seem to be accounted for.

We discussed what we wanted our family set up to look like well before we had our son, well before we got married,,So yes he was absolutely part of the discussion.

We are a partnership so we consult each other about most things.

I think it’s great if both Parents can go part time. Gone are the days when women can assume it will be them going part time. I work in an organisation where a large number of young senior males do the school drop offs, work four days a week, cover the sick days.