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To think this was the worst mistake of my life

488 replies

Overthecamelhump · 08/09/2021 04:51

Having a baby.

I fucking hate it. I have no life at all. Life is:

Wake at 6. Go to work.

Finish work. Collect baby from nursery.

Try to entertain baby for two hours.

Bath baby.

Get baby to bed after being head butted, having hair yanked, the skin on my neck yanked, kicked and punched.

45 mins to myself during which time I have to do some work.

Baby wakes. Settle baby.

2 hours sleep. Baby wakes. Spend two and a half to three hours getting baby back to bed.

Four hours sleep.

Baby wakes.

Try to get baby back to sleep.

Wake up for day at 6. Feel like a zombie. Repeat.

Poor baby. But yeah. Stupid thing to do.

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SpindleWhorl · 08/09/2021 04:54

Hey. I feel for you. I guess you're a lone working parent?

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Flamingoose · 08/09/2021 04:55

That sounds really tough. Having a baby is hard work, and it sounds as though you're doing everything yourself and working as well. No wonder you're spent. Not getting enough sleep is awful.
It won't always be like this. Babies grow and change. This is not your life forever. There will be different challenges along the way, but it won't be this forever.

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Overthecamelhump · 08/09/2021 04:58

Exactly, different ones. And it might not always be like this but I’ve probably got this for at least another two years. Which is one hell of a long time to exist on a few snatched hours of sleep and absolutely no time for anything remotely pleasurable.

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Heliachi · 08/09/2021 05:02

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

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itsgettingwierd · 08/09/2021 05:03

How come you have to work at home too?

I would try and cut this out and speak to boss if work load is too high you can't complete it in work time.

Are you alone? If not why are you doing all night wakings? Shifts make it much easier and you body clock adapts to different sleep patterns which is much easier than wake/sleep every few hours.

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FTMbg · 08/09/2021 05:06

That sounds really hard. How old is baby?

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twelvefiftynine · 08/09/2021 05:07

How old is your baby? From experience of 2, they get much easier after 1 year. Both of mine slept through the night after a year. Once they can communicate and walk they also get much easier.

The first year can be absolute shit.

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Augtwo · 08/09/2021 05:10

Can you reduce your working hours OP?

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Suzi888 · 08/09/2021 05:13

I mean this in a nice way, but what did you think it was going to be like…. it’s hard, very hard especially on your own.
Do you have any family to help out? Could you afford a cleaner/someone to do the washing / ironing that kind of thing?
It will get easier, baby will start sleeping through and you’ll get more rest. Are you able to book any annual leave, but still baby to nursery so you get some time to yourself…
You sound like your doing really well to be working and looking after your baby, although fb it’s very draining- things will improve.

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mellongoose · 08/09/2021 05:21

@Suzi888

I mean this in a nice way, but what did you think it was going to be like…. it’s hard, very hard especially on your own.
Do you have any family to help out? Could you afford a cleaner/someone to do the washing / ironing that kind of thing?
It will get easier, baby will start sleeping through and you’ll get more rest. Are you able to book any annual leave, but still baby to nursery so you get some time to yourself…
You sound like your doing really well to be working and looking after your baby, although fb it’s very draining- things will improve.

Everyone says it'll be hard. However I remember it dawned on me properly when baby was 6 weeks old. The sheer relentlessness of it. I cried and cried.

Also, I had a partner and I wasn't working (although we were skint, so extra worry).

It totally does get better OP. When your child begins to interact more, you will feel better. And yes, sleep does return, I promise. Hang in there.
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Augtwo · 08/09/2021 05:23

@Suzi888

I mean this in a nice way, but what did you think it was going to be like…. it’s hard, very hard especially on your own.
Do you have any family to help out? Could you afford a cleaner/someone to do the washing / ironing that kind of thing?
It will get easier, baby will start sleeping through and you’ll get more rest. Are you able to book any annual leave, but still baby to nursery so you get some time to yourself…
You sound like your doing really well to be working and looking after your baby, although fb it’s very draining- things will improve.

This isn't helpful. Even people tell you how tiring it is you have no idea until you become a parent.

Also many things can shape your journey. Lack of support and what type of baby can make a huge difference for a start. OP doesn't sound like she has much support.
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Autumnally · 08/09/2021 05:30

Hey OP, how old is your baby? It’s really rough at times working with young children, but (cliche alert) it does get better. Is it just you?

I have struggled with my children from the day they were born. It didn’t come naturally to me, and I only realised after they were born that I’m actually quite introverted. I need time to myself each day and I really struggled to get that for a long time.

Things are much more manageable and on an even keel these days but they are now school age.

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Suzi888 · 08/09/2021 05:39

I am a parent Augtwo, of a baby with reflux requiring trips to hospital. That didn’t sleep and cried most of the night, every night. I know exactly how hard it is.

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BabyRace · 08/09/2021 05:43

@Suzi888

I mean this in a nice way, but what did you think it was going to be like…. it’s hard, very hard especially on your own.
Do you have any family to help out? Could you afford a cleaner/someone to do the washing / ironing that kind of thing?
It will get easier, baby will start sleeping through and you’ll get more rest. Are you able to book any annual leave, but still baby to nursery so you get some time to yourself…
You sound like your doing really well to be working and looking after your baby, although fb it’s very draining- things will improve.

You can anticipate it being hard but not fully understand. I prepared myself as much as I could and still had motherhood and sleep regressions smack me round the face like a wet fish.
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FortunesFave · 08/09/2021 05:45

It sounds like part of the problem is that you've got literally no down time with your baby.

Bedtime is the shittest time. That's when they always hit and pull hair etc. You work full time?

Is there any way at all of reducing your hours so you get to enjoy your baby a bit more? You sound overworked.

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GreatBritishBummertime · 08/09/2021 05:52

How old is your baby OP?

It sounds vitally important that you can get some rest. Have you tried sleep training? There are various methods, all different, some can get results pretty quickly.

Do you have any leave? Could you take a day/week and send baby to nursery while you nap?

Is there a friend or family member who can give you a night off?

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GreatBritishBummertime · 08/09/2021 05:53

Forgot to add, motherhood can be really shit. It does get better, particularly in terms of sleep Flowers

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SaskiaRembrandt · 08/09/2021 05:55

OP, I'd say it will get better (it will) but I don't think that will really help you at the moment. You sound exhausted, unsupported and quite depressed - understandably. Take some time off work to give yourself chance to rest and recharge your batteries, and speak to your GP and HV.

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CallItLoneliness · 08/09/2021 06:02

I loathed having babies, especially my first who was relentlessly sleepless. Having toddlers was awesome, though. If you're on your own, and your little one doesn't sleep like an angry octopus (my first did), I recommend cosleeping..baby might sleep better, and you are not sitting for hours awake getting them back to bed. My second coslept, and I can't help but wonder if she was a better sleeper because of it.

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ICantFindTheBuffet · 08/09/2021 06:02

You're right, these times are hard. I remember them well. My child is 5 now and we have such great times together. I get sad sometimes thinking how little time we spent together when she was a baby and in nursery while I worked. Rushed mornings, a couple of hours together in the evenings where we both were exhausted. But she had a brilliant time at nursery, and now the time we get together is fun. She's funny and sweet (and also can be a nightmare at times!) but life with her is good. If you can, when she's a little older, try to figure something out with work where you can get a little more time together after school. But if you can't, don't beat yourself up, there's plenty of kids in my dd's school who are in after school club every day. But one day you'll find you've got yourself a funny little partner and it won't seem so bad. Hang in there. The fact you're still getting up everyday and doing all this speaks volumes, you're doing wonderfully. If possible, take a few days consecutive leave for yourself while baby is in nursery. Chill for a couple of days, go out for a coffee in peace, and collect a few hours earlier so you can spend some chill time together that's not just part of the routine. You'll both feel the benefit. This too shall pass Flowers

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HandScreen · 08/09/2021 06:09

You need to sleep train the baby, right away. It takes 2-4 nights for a lifetime of unbroken sleep. I recommend the Happy Sleeper method (it's a book) - don't faff around with "gentle" sleep training, which isn't gentle at all and drags things out for weeks.

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ohthatbloodycat · 08/09/2021 06:10

It's brutal and rather shit, frankly.
I won't be pedalling the myth to my daughters, let's put it that way!
Thanks

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sheusesmagazines · 08/09/2021 06:20

It’s so tough Flowers it’s just relentless, I feel for you.

Just things that helped me
Sleep training (I used a Just Chill Mama course)
Not being afraid using the TV (The Wiggles on Netflix was a huge hit at the 6-12 month age)
Having a huge baby-proofed playpen in the living room to plop him in sometimes

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MrsLargeEmbodied · 08/09/2021 06:23

get some help from HV/children's services/GP op please

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Crikeycroc · 08/09/2021 06:25

Ignore the ‘what did you expect?’ responses. For myself and every other mum I’ve spoken to who is currently in the thick of it with their first born, nothing can ever prepare you it.

If baby is 6 months plus and no medical issues I would seriously consider some sleep training. It’s a hard gig working FT and caring for a baby as a sole parent.

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