My kids are being pushed out

[Paintie]

My brother and SIL had a baby 6 months ago and are clearly completely in love with her. I love her too. She's adorable.

But prior to them having her, they doted on my children and were a very engaged aunt and uncle. My SIL in particular seems very irritated around them and will ask them to stand back a lot when they're wanting to touch and play with their baby cousin and won't let them play with her toys.

Another issue is their lack of interest now. They haven't made much effort for their birthdays and will update the family group chat with lots of photos of my new and beautiful niece but won't respond to photos of my kids anymore.

I'm hoping it gets better and eventually they start giving them attention again. They aren't naughty children. They're lovely, but can be a bit excitable around their cousin.

How to handle it?

Relationships and the balance of them changes when babies are born.
It may never go back to how it was as their priorities have changed. But I'm sure they still love your dc
New baby is still very young, it's hard work in the first few months, give them a bit of slack

Goodness me this is completely to be expected. They feel protective of their small baby and your toddlers (?) may be unpredictable and might be a bit over enthusiastic. Also toddlers and school age kids are bluntly germ central.

And of course they’re not going to be responding as much on group chats, or making as much effort for birthdays, they are probably quite busy with their new baby…

Once their DC is old enough to play with her older cousins it will change back.

My children aren't toddlers

Totally normal

@Paintie

My children aren't toddlers

So they don't need to play with the baby's toys

That's quite harsh

Absolutely normal.

I think it's normal but that doesn't mean that it's not hurtful. Last year, my DB and DSIL bought some really thoughtful presents for my DS for his birthday and organised a lunch out with him. This year, my mum had to remind my brother to send an e-card on the day of DS' birthday.

Normal. And the same will happen to their baby if a new baby is in the family and so on and so on.

My DC's godparents were the same before/after they had their own baby. It's a shame, but it is natural for their priorities to change.

Honestly in my first 6 months of having a baby I was surviving on a few hours’ broken sleep and barely had time to think about what to eat never mind other people’s children. Maybe they are having an easier time of it (hope so!) but it’s still very all consuming having your first baby. Just cut them some slack.

Ok your kids aren’t toddlers but they will still carry germs and could inadvertently hurt the baby or wake her if she’s sleeping, and your SIL may be extra irritable due to broken sleep. Don’t read too much into it or react, just give it time.

It's completely normal, their baby is their priority now. Especially as shes so small still.

I'm sure they still adore your children but they might need a bit of space, especially with Covid still about and as we're approaching flu season at the moment.
As you said your children are excitable (nothing wrong with that either, they're just children) and they might be a bit wary as they're a lot bigger than the baby!

So they are not young children (toddlers) but are excite able enough she needs to tell them to be careful, and they try to play with the babies toys? Whilst there may be an element of her being a bit precious- maybe also your kids behaviour is concerning her around the baby and the toys they use for the baby? Can you not provide a few toys for your kids and have them not play with toys designed for much younger kids in mind?

What are you expecting? Their priorities were always going to change.
Most parents don't want children meddling with their babies constantly and you'll know yourself that having a new baby is hard.

Teach your children about boundaries and about not interfering with the baby or their things when mom is caring for them.

Just think of it practically before their baby they had loads more time and money. They still love you and your kids they are family but how have their own and we all know how much of your focus babys take up. Dont fall out over it in time their baby will be more robust and they wont be as worries. They will probably never go back to the same dynamic as before instead it can change to lots of time spent together with cousins growing up together. Family holidays days out ect dont sweat the small stuff now.

How old are your children? I think things will probably naturally change when their baby is old enough to take an interest in her cousins properly and vice versa.

DD is now nearly 3 and her cousin is 10, and from when they were 1 and 8 the older one doted on her, and now they will still play building things together in their grandparents. I really didn't expect any kind of relationship like that given the age difference but its very sweet. I think its normal to be a bit pfb around a tiny baby, I'd be making sure you were very engaged and interested in the baby and show the same interest they always did in your child, and then also stress things about the importance of the cousin relationship and things will hopefully improve.

I don't think it needs 'handling' - it's completely normal. Just go with the flow.

I say normal too. I can clearly remember feeling really cross with the older children at soft play when they bounded into the baby area and sent my LO flying. Of course now my children are the older children and everything has flipped on its head. Just give them time.

Surely you can understand that priorities change when you have your own child, it doesn't mean they love your children any less, it just means that they have their own tiny human that now takes up all of their time and energy. It takes a lot of adjusting with your first baby. Don't think too much in to it

They’re not being pushed out, they’re just not priority now. Perfectly understandable.

Where’s your children’s dad in this? If he’s not around, had you encouraged your children to see their uncle as a substitute?

Ok, I'm totally going against the grain here, but I don't think it is normal.

I was your SIL in this situation, as in I absolutely adore my nephews and niece (they were 7 and 3 year old twins when dd was born). I would regularly guy them little gifts, spend time with them, go round to do bedtime and read stories, take my niece to her dance class if I was off work, took them on days out with and without their parents. Of course, some of that changed. But the children have never been pushed out!

If they came round to visit when dd was tiny, we encouraged them to help, bring the bottle through from the kitchen, pass a muslin to auntie/uncle, ask questions, etc. If they were in her face they were asked to step back, but no differently to if it were me asking them to move out of my face!

DD was 3 months when 1st lockdown happened and her cousins even FaceTimed most days because they wanted to see "baby X"

Maybe it's a PFB thing, but I don't agree that it's completely normal

I was your SIL in this situation, as in I absolutely adore my nephews and niece (they were 7 and 3 year old twins when dd was born). I would regularly guy them little gifts, spend time with them, go round to do bedtime and read stories, take my niece to her dance class if I was off work, took them on days out with and without their parents. Of course, some of that changed
Yes, I'd imagine quite a lot of that changed when you had your own newborn...
Honestly!

It's 100% normal and to be expected. My sister is pregnant at the moment, she's always been an incredibly doting aunt to my children but I fully expect that to change once her own baby arrives. Her focus will naturally be on her newborn.

Of course their priorities have changed. It doesn’t mean your children are being pushed out, dynamics are just different now. I’ve been a SIL in a similar situation and when my own baby arrived, my focus was of course my own child rather than spoiling my nephew. It’s natural and tbh your upset about it is a tad immature.

Totally normal. Honestly.