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Parenting

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Original poster

My kids are being pushed out

92 replies

Paintie · 03/09/2021 11:23

My brother and SIL had a baby 6 months ago and are clearly completely in love with her. I love her too. She's adorable.

But prior to them having her, they doted on my children and were a very engaged aunt and uncle. My SIL in particular seems very irritated around them and will ask them to stand back a lot when they're wanting to touch and play with their baby cousin and won't let them play with her toys.

Another issue is their lack of interest now. They haven't made much effort for their birthdays and will update the family group chat with lots of photos of my new and beautiful niece but won't respond to photos of my kids anymore.

I'm hoping it gets better and eventually they start giving them attention again. They aren't naughty children. They're lovely, but can be a bit excitable around their cousin.

How to handle it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SomeInspirationRequired · 03/09/2021 15:05

If you think there are wider issues that your SIL is not addressing, that would indicate to me you have more reason to cut her a bit of slack??

If your relationship was good before I'm sure over time a slightly different relationship will develop as your niece gets older. It won't be long until your niece is running around playing with your dc

It may be sad that things aren't the same for your dc as before but unfortunately their priorities have changed

Winemewhynot · 03/09/2021 15:45

I don’t understand what your problem is? I would also ask excitable big children to be careful near my newborn and her toys.

Of course their auntie and uncle still love them but it’s different now, they’re parents, their world now evolves around their baby.

LaBellina · 03/09/2021 15:47

That’s completely normal.
I was fiercely protective of DS as a small baby and I think most mums are.

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Quartz2208 · 03/09/2021 15:58

SHe has had a baby in COVID her behaviour seems well within the range of normal for a first baby and definitely for a first baby in lockdown.

Back away - its clear you have differing views on more than just this and I dont think it helps

saraclara · 03/09/2021 16:08

Absolutely normal, but with some extra anxiety thrown in. And I agree that had you been the later to have children, you'd have been the same (But hopefully without the added anxiety).

Things will right themselves eventually, but your DCs will always be their nieces/nephews, and their child/ren will always be their priority, so I don't think you can realistically expect your DCs to be doted on by them in the same way again. And that's the same for all of us.

saraclara · 03/09/2021 16:12

If you think there are wider issues that your SIL is not addressing, that would indicate to me you have more reason to cut her a bit of slack??

Good point. Your SIL sounds more in need of empathy and support than your DCs, who will be resilient enough to cope with this if you explain to them what it is to be protective of a first baby.

VulvaTeeth · 03/09/2021 16:23

There's nothing really to handle, is there?
Your sister in law and brother have had a baby, which is understandably going to take precedence (for them) over your children and, until the baby is a bit older, might be near enough their sole priority.
I don't know how old your children are, but if they're primary school aged as opposed to toddlers, you can explain to them that, when people have babies, the babies take centre stage for a while.

Somethingsnappy · 03/09/2021 16:54

As PP have said, this is normal OP. God, I've been like this with my own children for a while each time I've had a new baby (I have 4). A bit irritable and overprotective I mean. The status quo settles again as the babies get older. Your family are just all-consumed by their new baby at the moment. It'll get better!

MsSquiz · 03/09/2021 16:55

@GreyhoundG1rl

I was your SIL in this situation, as in I absolutely adore my nephews and niece (they were 7 and 3 year old twins when dd was born). I would regularly guy them little gifts, spend time with them, go round to do bedtime and read stories, take my niece to her dance class if I was off work, took them on days out with and without their parents. Of course, some of that changed Yes, I'd imagine quite a lot of that changed when you had your own newborn... Honestly!

@GreyhoundG1rl is there any need for the snarky response?!

I actually still see the all regularly, if we go round at tea time/bed time, their parents will play with dd while I read the kids their bedtime story, we still take them on days out both with and without their parents.

Some of it changed, but not a lot, as we adapted what we did to include our baby into the family, rather than ignore the kids when out baby arrived!

Zilla1 · 03/09/2021 16:56

@SleepingStandingUp based on the OPs posts, I suspect it would be best for the SIL and I doubt the OP will be happy with any level of involvement that is less that prioritising and doting on her DC, soending time responding to photographs when posted and letting her 'excitable' older children do what they want with a six month old baby or younger if the incidents happened some time ago.

decoratedstandardlamp · 03/09/2021 17:52

She's got a precious first born and she's finding her feet. She's knackered, anxious and quite righty totally absorbed with her baby.

It's all standard stuff and I wouldn't be trying to handle the situation. Just smile, accept it for what it is and love the new baby too (like I know you are).

MoreAloneTime · 03/09/2021 19:14

Did she have a more difficult birth than you and/or a fussier more difficult baby? Having a first baby can be a real breeze for some and a total headfuck for others. Six months isn't much time sometimes, I certainly wasn't leaving mine with anyone just for the sake of it at that age and I was probably a bit of a crap friend as I was so exhausted.

Listen to PP, give her space, tell your DC that its hard work with a baby but things get easier and you'll spend more time bonding when the baby can do more.

Mindyourbusiness22 · 03/09/2021 20:32

@Paintie

We visit when it's convenient for them. SIL hasn't left the baby with anyone and is very unlikely to leave her with me. I have offered a few times. She is extremely protective of her and will often complain to me about people holding her wrong or people being "too noisy" around her. It's a little like walking on eggshells, but I know this is part of a wider issue that unfortunately, she will not address.

Her baby is six months old, back off!

GreyhoundG1rl · 03/09/2021 20:35

I wonder why op won't elaborate on these "wider issues" that the SIL refuses to address. Unexplained, it just sounds like nasty nonsense on op's part.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/09/2021 20:40

Twinningatlife

I think it's out of order to allude to her having mental health issues as to why she doesn't like your kids fussing her baby and playing with her toys and her not commenting on your WhatsApp messages 🤷‍♀️

This. WhatsApp didn’t exist when ours were 6 months but I don’t think I drank a hot cup of coffee for the first year.
Unreasonable expectations.

Stircraazy · 03/09/2021 20:50

She's besotted by her beautiful new baby - no other babies will compare in her eyes.

That's the way it is. Once baby gets to, maybe, three or four, she'll be happier for her to mix.

Notaroadrunner · 03/09/2021 20:59

@Quartz2208

SHe has had a baby in COVID her behaviour seems well within the range of normal for a first baby and definitely for a first baby in lockdown.

Back away - its clear you have differing views on more than just this and I dont think it helps

I was just going to say the same. Having a baby during covid has to have been a struggle for parents, not knowing if it's even safe to allow visitors. This little baby needs protecting and that's what your SIL is doing. Why would she want anyone handling the baby and baby's toys, possibly having to wash or sanitise them afterwards, just in case. Have a bit of compassion for her and don't assume she has other issues other than just not wanting people to be all over her baby given the uncertain times we are now living in.

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