My kids are being pushed out

[Paintie]

My brother and SIL had a baby 6 months ago and are clearly completely in love with her. I love her too. She's adorable.

But prior to them having her, they doted on my children and were a very engaged aunt and uncle. My SIL in particular seems very irritated around them and will ask them to stand back a lot when they're wanting to touch and play with their baby cousin and won't let them play with her toys.

Another issue is their lack of interest now. They haven't made much effort for their birthdays and will update the family group chat with lots of photos of my new and beautiful niece but won't respond to photos of my kids anymore.

I'm hoping it gets better and eventually they start giving them attention again. They aren't naughty children. They're lovely, but can be a bit excitable around their cousin.

How to handle it?

That all sounds fine to me. Most parents are protective and caring - she sounds like a great parent and a really nice family member. Remember all of the good things they have done for you, give them space, be supportive.

It is a damn shame to throw away such a lovely relationship because you want your dc to have more attention. Focus on the lovely bonds that will come when the baby is older and more independent, and less fragile.

So she's already got some sort of anxiety or mh issue and you're upset your kids arent her priority?

How old are your children and how often do you see her?

@Paintie

We visit when it's convenient for them. SIL hasn't left the baby with anyone and is very unlikely to leave her with me. I have offered a few times. She is extremely protective of her and will often complain to me about people holding her wrong or people being "too noisy" around her. It's a little like walking on eggshells, but I know this is part of a wider issue that unfortunately, she will not address.

That honestly just sounds like it’s a first baby and she’s anxious.

@Paintie

We visit when it's convenient for them. SIL hasn't left the baby with anyone and is very unlikely to leave her with me. I have offered a few times. She is extremely protective of her and will often complain to me about people holding her wrong or people being "too noisy" around her. It's a little like walking on eggshells, but I know this is part of a wider issue that unfortunately, she will not address.

Isn't this a normal way to feel about your first baby?

@Paintie

We visit when it's convenient for them. SIL hasn't left the baby with anyone and is very unlikely to leave her with me. I have offered a few times. She is extremely protective of her and will often complain to me about people holding her wrong or people being "too noisy" around her. It's a little like walking on eggshells, but I know this is part of a wider issue that unfortunately, she will not address.

I sensed from your OP that there was more to your DSILs behaviour. There is definitely a hefty dose of PFB going on, along with a big dollop of anxiety. Understandable given COVID, but probably confusing for your DCs.

Keep your distance for a while and hopefully, she will get better/ get some help.

@stepupandbecounted

That all sounds fine to me. Most parents are protective and caring - she sounds like a great parent and a really nice family member. Remember all of the good things they have done for you, give them space, be supportive.

It is a damn shame to throw away such a lovely relationship because you want your dc to have more attention. Focus on the lovely bonds that will come when the baby is older and more independent, and less fragile.

At no point does the OP eveb suggest wanting to "throw away" any relationship.

So much summising going on in this thread. She is merely concerned for her DCs feelings.

Jesus.

Utterly unacceptable for the parents of a six month old not to pay as much attention to responding to photos on social media of their nieces and nephews as they did before. Combined with wanting to distance excitable older children from that six month old, perhaps NC might be best.

@Zilla1

Utterly unacceptable for the parents of a six month old not to pay as much attention to responding to photos on social media of their nieces and nephews as they did before. Combined with wanting to distance excitable older children from that six month old, perhaps NC might be best.

Sarcasm?

I assumed so too Jessaas

So you think she has some sort of anxiety and is excessively protective over her baby and even with thinking that you're getting cross that she's prioritising her daughter and your children are taking a bit of a back seat?

You say you have a lovely relationship but in your posts you're not really coming across as very empathetic. Don't you remember how hard it was being a new mum, add in a pandemic and it's no wonder she's probably feeling a little overwhelmed.

Dynamics child when they have a child of their own their priority becomes their own child, as much as I love my neices and nephews they are far more removed than my own dc.

I don’t think you need to handle anything! They have a 6 month old baby and you’re getting annoyed that they don’t respond to as many pics of your kids and didn’t make as much (so it’s not like they did nothing) effort for their birthdays? Of course they’re busy and distracted and surely it’s pretty much inevitable that once your own children come along they are your main focus rather than other people’s children.

I think you are being unrealistic not to expect things to change.

It's a little like walking on eggshells, but I know this is part of a wider issue that unfortunately, she will not address.

I think it's out of order to allude to her having mental health issues as to why she doesn't like your kids fussing her baby and playing with her toys and her not commenting on your WhatsApp messages 🤷‍♀️

Your post is coming across a little selfish, it is all about you and your kids. What about her? It is her first baby of course she is going to be excessively protective. I was the same and didn't have anxiety. Just loved my baby to bits, and wanted to look after her. Completely natural.

Let them enjoy their newborn phase being first time parents, if you can remember it's a very big change to your life and other things can drop to the side for a bit.

There’s a certain irony about the fact you are complaining about them being too focused on their child because of the impact that has on your children OP!

You’re focused on your DC they are focused on theirs.

@Jessaas I think it would be best for all concerned.

I think you're overthinking things. At the moment, your SIL's main focus is on her own baby. It sounds like your (slightly boisterous?) kids are making her a little nervous about the baby's safety and she's probably very tired after months of interrupted sleep. Also, at that stage I was still precious about toys being pristine...fast-forward a few months and I couldn't have cared less so long as they weren't being thrown at me .

In a couple of years or so, when SIL's baby is a boisterous toddler demanding constant interaction, your kids will be hugely back in favour if they're willing to play with their young cousin. No cousins here but I've looked after my neighbour's younger DC a few times and honestly it's like a holiday for me the way she takes over, plays with and mothers my 3yo. I'd stuff her full of chocolate biscuits when 3yo wasn't looking if I hadn't promised her mum not to!

You have children, they have children. You each love / look after / care for your own children . Way of the world .
Trying to be kind , you just have to suck it up and get on with life.

What's the "wider issue" your SIL won't address?

[quote Zilla1]@Jessaas I think it would be best for all concerned.[/quote]
You seriously think op should go nc with her brother/sister in law and their new baby, essentially tearing the family in two, because her kids are getting a little less attention atm and aren't allowed to play with baby rattles? Right 🙄🙄

@ZoeCM

What's the "wider issue" your SIL won't address?

The OPs posts seem to infer she thinks her SIL is too over protective of her 6 month old and being with her is like walking on egg shells so I'm guessing she thinks her SIL has anxiety or possibly post natal depression.

Although nothing she's actually written sounds out of the ordinary behaviour wise for a new mum.

Bit snarky to allude to your SIL's "wider issues", op. Are you implying this is indicative of mental health issues?

@GreyhoundG1rl

Bit snarky to allude to your SIL's "wider issues", op. Are you implying this is indicative of mental health issues?

I think the OP considers anyone who does not centre her little darlings in their life to have mental health issues.

OP they had a baby six months ago. They are busy and tired.

Nothing you are saying here is unusual or surprising, they're not doing anything wrong.