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Parenting

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Original poster

I've really hurt my baby

89 replies

Sickmama · 24/08/2021 18:58

My baby is 17 months old and he is such a delight. He's usually at the childminders 4 days a week but they're closed this week and I'm off with him on annual leave. As luck would have it I have the worst chest infection of my life (not Covid but still bloody horrible) so all my wonderful plans for the week with him are out the window. DH works and we have no family or friends nearby (new to the area) so instead the last 2 days have been me lying on the sofa wishing I was dead and desperately trying to keep him entertained. I honestly feel so so poorly. When DH gets home he'll take over and I can rest but he's not home yet. He left just before 8 before little one woke up so for the second day in a row I feel horrible and guilty and like a terrible parent.
Cut to this evening when I needed to lie down and so we came upstairs to play in his bedroom and I could just lie on the floor. He honestly was not doing anything wrong. He was getting whiney because it was nearing 6 and he's tired and frankly bored but he really did nothing wrong. He kept asking to go in his cot and then out again and then back in again and I just flipped. I shouted at him and said 'what do you want' really loud. He looked so upset and cried so I picked him up to say sorry and cuddle him but he carried on crying and I flipped again and just put him in his cot and walked out of the room. I didn't shout again but he was crying and I just left him in there and went to lie on my own bed for a few minutes to try calm myself down before I went back in to get him. I didn't want the same thing to happen where I tried to apologise and cuddle him to only get overwhelmed again so I did take a few minutes (less than 5) to just try calm myself. He was crying the entire time. I went back in and he was so upset but also started turning away from me and didn't want me to pick him up. He was looking for his Dad I think as he wanted someone he could trust and that obviously wasn't me right now. It took me ages to calm him down and eventually managed to get him to fall asleep on the boob but he was still sobbing whilst I fed him initially. He was so so upset and cross with me.
I've really hurt him and I didn't mean to. He's fast asleep on me now and I feel so sick with guilt. Will he forgive me?

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lyntheyresexpeople · 24/08/2021 19:01

He won't remember it tomorrow darling, honestly. You handled it perfectly well. Please give yourself a break. Babies are hard work at the best of times, let alone when you're poorly x

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 24/08/2021 19:01

Oh @Sickmama
Please breathe deeply
You are sick and exhausted
And any upset he feels now will be forgotten tomorrow.
Really.
Please don't worry. You have not hurt your baby the way you say it. You have struggled abs then you walked away.
It'll be ok.
I promise.

RoseHarper · 24/08/2021 19:02

He wont remember - you are only human and it was a one off. I lost it in a similar way with both mine, still feel horribly guilty when I remember but it was a blip and they'll remember that they were loved and cared for. Really hope you feel better soon. Please dont dwell, you cant change the past, put it to the back of your mind, x

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Comedycook · 24/08/2021 19:04

A one off like that isn't going to permanently scar your child. Forget about and move on...it's horrible looking after small children when you're ill. The fact you feel guilty shows that you're a good mum.

2reefsin30knots · 24/08/2021 19:05

You are really unwell- give yourself a break. I reckon most parents have lost it and shouted one time or another. Your DS will be fine and yes, he will forgive you!

Is there any way your DH can take a couple of days off so you can recover?

flapjackfairy · 24/08/2021 19:05

Well it wasn't your finest hour but it won't damage him long term as a one off. You are human at the end of the day and have reached the end of your tether. Can you get someone to help out tomorrow or get dad to take a day off. You are unwell and shouldn't be trying to look after a little one at the same time.
Forgive yourself, spoil your son and chin up. Tomorrow is another day x

Hellocatshome · 24/08/2021 19:07

He won't even remember when he wakes up. All the advice is if you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated is to put the baby somewhere safe and remove yourself while you calm down so you did exactly the right thing.

Peacrock · 24/08/2021 19:07

You're human, you did the right thing to remove yourself from the room to take some time to gather your thoughts, it's a one off and not a pattern of behaviour, he went to sleep feeling safe and secure on your chest, he will have probably forgotten by the morning. Hope you're feeling better soon.

greyspottedgoose · 24/08/2021 19:07

This age is so tough even when you aren't poorly, walking away to calm down is honestly the best thing you could do well done you for recognising you needed a minute, you will remember far longer than he will my love, hope you feel better soon

jamsandwich1 · 24/08/2021 19:09

My DH has been away this week and the kids and I have all been ill with horrible cough and fever but not covid. My DS is 2.5y and DD 9mo. They’ve both understandably been whingy and clingy and not sleeping but I must admit I’ve shouted a couple of times and had to walk away because I feel ill too and I’m running on empty with no sleep. Don’t feel bad. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Things will look up soon, parenting is a hard gig.

Original poster

Sickmama · 24/08/2021 19:10

Thank you for your kind messages. It's just the way he was turning and pulling away from me. He really didn't want me. We have no one else to look after him and DH won't take the time off work; he's self employed and so busy at the moment after a long lull due to Covid so I understand why he can't just take time off but I really don't think I can keep doing this this week. DS sleeps on me because the only other way to get him to sleep is on a walk or a drive, neither of which I'm well enough to do so I just let him sleep on me but that means my one chance to rest I don't have and I just feel exhausted beyond belief. I know I'm being such a terrible parent to him this week and I just pray he really doesn't remember

OP posts:

KatieKat88 · 24/08/2021 19:12

Sounds like you're having a really tough time, please don't judge yourself. I've spoken more harshly than I meant to when it's been the middle of the night and I'm exhausted (and always felt so badly about it afterwards!) It's a normal reaction to have. He won't be damaged by it and it's a good thing for parents to model apologies and how to rebuild when they've been angry as it will teach children how to do this too. You're not a robot!

Original poster

Sickmama · 24/08/2021 19:12

@jamsandwich1 my gosh, and I think I have it hard. I really hope you have some support around you this week. That sounds so hard. Thank you for your kindness even when you are feeling so ill yourself

OP posts:

Notavegan · 24/08/2021 19:13

You need some help, it sounds like you are too unwell to do this. Not your fault and he won't remember a thing so don't worry about that.

MadgeMak · 24/08/2021 19:13

Don't beat yourself up, I guarantee you that most parents of a toddler have done something similar, I know I have. And don't worry about him remembering it, he really won't, one incident is not going to impact him negatively in any way.

Soontobe60 · 24/08/2021 19:13

Have you seen the GP for treatment for your chest infection? Also, you need to tell your Dh that you are too ill to look after your baby safely. He needs to take time off tomorrow.

Winecurestiredness · 24/08/2021 19:14

No you sound like a wonderful mama! 17 months old is a hard age! Not the same I know but when I had cancer and a 17 month old I once shouted at him he was making mummy ill. I felt awful of course. But he is 5 now and he doesn't even remember that I was poorly, memory was like a seive!

Original poster

Sickmama · 24/08/2021 19:15

@Soontobe60 the GP won't see me. I have a phone call with them booked for next week, the earliest they could get me in for and I'm hoping that it's gone by then anyway.

OP posts:

shouldistop · 24/08/2021 19:17

I had to re- read it to see where you'd hurt him. You didn't hurt him lovely, he was just being grumpy for the original reason he was grumpy.
A well loved child is not damaged by being shouted at occasionally.

shouldistop · 24/08/2021 19:18

Can I ask why your dh didn't take leave when you're so unwell? You need rest and recovery, not a toddler to look after.

Hellocatshome · 24/08/2021 19:19

Can I ask why your dh didn't take leave when you're so unwell? You need rest and recovery, not a toddler to look after

OP has explained that.

shouldistop · 24/08/2021 19:20

I cross posted with her but having just read it I don't think it's a good enough excuse tbh.

summermumma · 24/08/2021 19:21

The fact you feel so bad shows your a lovely caring mama. We all have our moments it's tough at that age don't beat yourself up he will have forgotten by the morning just have extra snuggles to make
Yourself feel better

Hellocatshome · 24/08/2021 19:22

I cross posted with her but having just read it I don't think it's a good enough excuse tbh.

Depends how much you rely on the income really. I know plenty of self employed people that couldn't take a few days off without it having a massive financial impact.

WhatInFreshHell · 24/08/2021 19:22

You did exactly the right thing OP. Give yourself a break, take care of yourself.

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