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Original poster

I've really hurt my baby

89 replies

Sickmama · 24/08/2021 18:58

My baby is 17 months old and he is such a delight. He's usually at the childminders 4 days a week but they're closed this week and I'm off with him on annual leave. As luck would have it I have the worst chest infection of my life (not Covid but still bloody horrible) so all my wonderful plans for the week with him are out the window. DH works and we have no family or friends nearby (new to the area) so instead the last 2 days have been me lying on the sofa wishing I was dead and desperately trying to keep him entertained. I honestly feel so so poorly. When DH gets home he'll take over and I can rest but he's not home yet. He left just before 8 before little one woke up so for the second day in a row I feel horrible and guilty and like a terrible parent.
Cut to this evening when I needed to lie down and so we came upstairs to play in his bedroom and I could just lie on the floor. He honestly was not doing anything wrong. He was getting whiney because it was nearing 6 and he's tired and frankly bored but he really did nothing wrong. He kept asking to go in his cot and then out again and then back in again and I just flipped. I shouted at him and said 'what do you want' really loud. He looked so upset and cried so I picked him up to say sorry and cuddle him but he carried on crying and I flipped again and just put him in his cot and walked out of the room. I didn't shout again but he was crying and I just left him in there and went to lie on my own bed for a few minutes to try calm myself down before I went back in to get him. I didn't want the same thing to happen where I tried to apologise and cuddle him to only get overwhelmed again so I did take a few minutes (less than 5) to just try calm myself. He was crying the entire time. I went back in and he was so upset but also started turning away from me and didn't want me to pick him up. He was looking for his Dad I think as he wanted someone he could trust and that obviously wasn't me right now. It took me ages to calm him down and eventually managed to get him to fall asleep on the boob but he was still sobbing whilst I fed him initially. He was so so upset and cross with me.
I've really hurt him and I didn't mean to. He's fast asleep on me now and I feel so sick with guilt. Will he forgive me?

OP posts:
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Thighdentitycrisis · 24/08/2021 19:22

Forgive yourself, for all the reasons already stated. But don’t forget about it, remember and learn.
Best of luck getting better.

Twizbe · 24/08/2021 19:22

You need to tell DH he HAS to take time off. You are not well and you cannot parent like this.

Surely he can take one day to let you get over the worst of it.

As to your son, it's fine. We all lose our temper sometimes and he will have forgotten it in the morning. Hell he'll have forgotten it by now.

Give yourself a break. You're ill.

Hope you feel better soon.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 24/08/2021 19:23

Apologies if this is not an option but is there any way you could contact a baby sitting agency and have someone come and look after your son at home for a day or two while you sleep and get better? I know you’d have to pay for it, but hopefully it would be better financially than your husband taking time away from work?

Please don’t feel guilty, it sounds so hard Flowers

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flipflopslap · 24/08/2021 19:25

It's fine OP. Everyone's done similar with their kids, sometimes it gets too much but you did the right thing and walked away. You made a good decision there to calm for a moment.

It sounds like you're too unwell to manage well at the moment.
Your husband need to take compassionate leave.

bloodywhitecat · 24/08/2021 19:27

I can guarantee you that he won't remember this period but you will, I know this because my kids are now adults and remember nothing of a time like this when they were small and I was less of a mum than I wanted to be. Please cut yourself some slack, you are doing everything you can for him in very testing circumstances. Can you suggest to your DH that he cuts you some slack too and comes home before you end up in hospital?

miltonj · 24/08/2021 19:30

I'm feeling the mum guilt today too OP... my baby fell down the stairs Sad felt terrible. All part of being a mum I think, and your little one will not be scarred for life.

VyrnwyGirl · 24/08/2021 19:30

Bless you Flowers

You are human, and you have done NOTHING wrong @Sickmama

Get well soon sweetie. xxx

Peachee · 24/08/2021 19:32

Can you travel to be with some family and get some support until you feel better in a couple of days. You poor thing. I’m at the end of my tether most days don’t worry about it.. he won’t have a clue what happened tomorrow.

shouldistop · 24/08/2021 19:33

@Hellocatshome I think op would have said if that was the case rather than saying her dh won't take time off.

jamsandwich1 · 24/08/2021 19:34

@Sickmama thank you so much. The kids seem better now and I’m feeling ok after I had a few unbroken hours sleep last night! Now we all have negative covid tests have roped in the grandparents for help! Hope you feel better soon. Xx

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/08/2021 19:34

He's asleep on you. If he had more adult emotions, language and memory (which he doesn't, he's a baby), he's forgiven you already. As he's a baby, he's already forgotten about it.

You've not hurt him at all with a one off feeling frustrated whilst ill. You do need rest, though.

Eorks · 24/08/2021 19:37

Your husband needs to take time off. You're too ill to cope. It sounds awful- I'm so sorrySad

MindyStClaire · 24/08/2021 19:38

You poor thing. You did exactly the right thing - put him somewhere safe and walked away. Well done. He won't remember.

It's so hard looking after them when you're sick. Unless it's a question of keeping food on the table, your DH really needs to be taking some time off so you can recover. And I'd try the GP again if you haven't had anything prescribed. Sometimes persistence pays off.

JudgeRindersMinder · 24/08/2021 19:39

You did the
right thing by putting him safely in his cot and walking away. Don’t be so tough on yourself

MyMabel · 24/08/2021 19:39

Essentially you did the right thing. No one is a prefect parents, babies and children are testing, combine that with being poorly the irritability is high.

Yes you shouted at him, not ideal but also not going to do him any harm. You did the right thing by taking the time to leave the room and leave him safe in his cot.

Please remember that health professionals recommend leaving baby in their crib to cry while you go to another room when you’re feeling the strain. It’s safer for them than losing your temper more.

Again, you did the right thing. You baby won’t remember but I know the feeling of guilt. I had to take my fair share of time out’s like DD was young. I found it really hard to cope with the not knowing what they want while they cry, it’s really tough and everyone here who have children of their own will sympathise.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 24/08/2021 19:39

The only time I ever shouted at Dd (she's 12 now) she was crying and crying and just would not go to sleep, I was trying to get her to sleep in her own bed at the time. I was absolutely exhausted as a single parent no one else to help out and I shouted at her to go to sleep. Turns out the next morning I noticed gunk on her pillow and she had a bad ear infection. I have no felt so awful as I did that morning.

Your baby will be fine, as long as its a one off hell completely forget about it.

Cam2020 · 24/08/2021 19:41

We've all been there! The guilt and feeling like you've ruined everything is awful and all consuming for a while, but it'll be fine and he will forgive you xx

Blossomandbee · 24/08/2021 19:44

You did the best and safest thing you could in the circumstances - you put him in a safe place and walked away for a few minutes to calm down. You absolutely haven't hurt him, you're only human and no parent stays perfectly calm 100% of the time.
Moving forward though I think you need to speak to your DH about getting some support. Could you speak to your health visitor? I hope you feel better soon

Givemebackmylilo · 24/08/2021 19:46

DS turns away from me if I don't give him chocolate or if I say no to another bag of crisps.

Within reason, it's good to show different emotions in a household.

The most important thing is what you do afterwards.

Of all the 'mistakes' you could make as a parent, this is not a big one, it's not even small, it's tiny

Minibea · 24/08/2021 19:46

You poor thing. You sound worn down and exhausted but you did exactly the right thing. I really think DH has to take time off work to help at home - I don’t really see it as optional when you are in not well enough to look after DS. Also that age is an absolutely nightmare for not letting you even take 5 mins to yourself because they are everywhere and into everything without much ability to follow instructions or communicate properly. I hope you start to feel better soon

Monkeymilkshake · 24/08/2021 19:47

He’ll be fine lovely! Obvs not your finest hour but you shouted a bit, calmed down and went back in with him.
We all make mistakes, how we fix them matters. X

KisstheTeapot14 · 24/08/2021 19:51

All of the above! You're not a saint, you're human and we fail our ideals sometimes.

In the context of a loving family, this is just a blip and you did the right thing to make things safe while you calmed down.

Get some help tomorrow if you can and get some rest and TLC for you. Parenting whilst ill is not a fun game.

AnyOldPrion · 24/08/2021 20:03

You’re not alone in doing this, but you did exactly the right thing, as others have said. Sorry you’re having such a rough time. It’ll get better and he’ll forget it very soon,

Ohdofuckofdear · 24/08/2021 20:04

Have you got a family member or friend that could come and stay for a few days to help look after your LO whilst you rest so you can get better?

wintercoffees · 24/08/2021 20:06

You are really strong and I admire you! Your doing everything for that little boy so please don't worry. He won't even remember it, your his whole world x