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Parenting

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Original poster

Is this an acceptable thing for OH to do?

83 replies

wookneecorn · 09/08/2021 18:58

DSD is 11 and young for her age. She gave her password away and was 'hacked'. Here is a link to that thread for the details www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4314789-DSD-hacked-on-moviestarplanet

Friends of mine have children who were 'hacked' the same way and didn't have the reciepts anymore. When they used contact us they couldn't get their accounts back, the staff were difficult, for example sending scripted responses. So I decided not to bother.

I told DSD to perhaps find another game, but MovieStarPlanet is really important to her and she was admant that nothing else interests her as much.

She'd lost all her in-game currency from the previous round of VIP (the game's membership) she'd had, as well as all her items that she'd bought etc, just all the perks on her account from having previously been VIP belong to the 'hacker' now and she's had to start over on a new account with nothing.

DSD was pestering us for VIP on a new account, promising that she wouldn't give her password out again. Which we believed, we thought she would have learned her lesson after losing something so important to her. Yesterday partner and I decided to get her a years VIP on a new account. It cost £65 and we payed half each. I payed my half into OH's bank account (and as it's relevant, we're not married) and he entered his details. A reciept was sent to his email which I don't have access to.

DSD has been 'hacked' today by giving her password away again. She was honest with us this time. She said she had contacted a friend she had on her old account who she'd been talking to for several months, and that the friend had offered to give DSD account a 'makeover'. The 'friend' changed DSD's password and has taken over the account.

She trusted someone she considered to be a friend. Even though I had spoken to her previously about not trusting 'friends' on the internet, I can see why she did. Now that she has had such an experience with a 'friend' online, I wanted to forgive her and get her access back to the account.

However, OH doesn't want to give DSD access. He thinks that by not giving DSD access, she is more likely to learn her lesson, and not expect us to pay for VIP on new accounts in future.

OP posts:

Potatoy · 09/08/2021 19:00

Why on earth are you paying for it?

Potatoy · 09/08/2021 19:01

And she's made the same mistake twice so I wouldn't let her do it again until she's older

whitershadeofpale · 09/08/2021 19:01

I think DO is right, at least for now.

If it’s only happened today what lesson is she going to learn by having access straight away? She learnt nothing last time after all. I’d make her earn the money for VIP herself if she wants it back down the line as well.

Interested in this thread?

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11 year olds Families General parenting

Choice4567 · 09/08/2021 19:02

Why would you just keep allowing her back into it with no consequences?

idril · 09/08/2021 19:02

It's not about forgiving and punishments - it's about her not being mature enough to handle the responsibility. So I'd not be allowing her access but I wouldn't present it to her as a punishment.

ooowhataday · 09/08/2021 19:03

Sorry op but I'm with your OH on this one.

romdowa · 09/08/2021 19:04

She hasn't been hacked , she has given control of her account away. I would recover the account , just to deny access to this other person but dd wouldn't be getting access either, she sounds far too immature to be playing online games.

acolderwar · 09/08/2021 19:05

Wtf, no of course you shouldn't give her access again. I'd be furious with my DC for doing this twice.

LtDansleg · 09/08/2021 19:05

Why do you keep doing this??

Stichintime · 09/08/2021 19:05

Definitely no access and don't pay a penny more. I'd leave it a while and hope her interest fades away.

Hekatestorch · 09/08/2021 19:06

Your OH is right. Though I suspect this is a reverse.

Her whole Internet access needs to be reviewed. She is in touch with people she or her parents don't know. She hasn't learned her lesson about not giving her password out. There's so much wrong here.

Potatoy · 09/08/2021 19:06

She doesnt seem to be able to follow basic security rules so id consider an Internet ban. If she's ignoring you on this what else is she ignoring.

DPotter · 09/08/2021 19:07

I'm with your DH - irrespective of who paid for it.

You told her not to give her password to anyone - she did and she lost her account again. She clearly isn't mature enough as yet to refuse requests to share passwords. She knew what could happen by sharing passwords as she's been hacked before. It's not even face to face request, but on line and she could have blamed you / her DF, but chose not to follow your instruction. All the time you keep baling her out, she'll never learn the value of things. Time for tough love

AlmostSummer21 · 09/08/2021 19:08

I can see both points of view and having made many 'online' friends over the years, I get it.

HOWEVER, she's 11 and maybe this time she really does need to learn a lesson, that will only come from you not restoring her VIP status etc for her

I would probably explain that THIS is what you had warned her about & she needs to understand it's not just the money, it's the fact that she hasn't listened to you telling her that no matter what she thinks she doesn't know these people AND they could be anyone. Explain that losing her game is not the most scary thing that can happen when you trust 'friends' online

There are a few very sad, but good, 'videos' online about children/teenagers who trusted people online. Their parents have made them/allowed them to be made to help/save other children.

PieceOfString · 09/08/2021 19:12

I think you need to gently explain that bailing her out immediately hasn't helped after first mistake so you are going to need to see maturity / increased understanding before you do that again. Explain it isn't a punishment but that people learn in different ways and sometimes unless you take a hit the lesson doesn't sink in, explain this is normal human response. Also that it is common for people to not really absorb information that they have been told but that they would take it in if it was their own 'discovery' if you will.
Give her a way to come back - she has a home project where she researches online risks and presents it to you after a period of time, only then when she has been deprived for a period of time and she has pro-actively looked into the issue she has skirted (this could have been much worse lets face it!) can she have another chance.
My nephew had to do this when he was desperate for a pet, only after he had shown commitment in the form of researching care, making a plan, a budget etc etc could he go ahead - it was a great way to get him to step up and grow into the responsibility - she needs something similar, don't bail her same as last time - it's just babying her. Let her learn but by giving her a way back, she isn't punished, she is given the chance to grow.

UserStillatLarge · 09/08/2021 19:12

I don't understand why (if the account is registered to you/your OH/DD) you can't just request another password reset and take back "control".

But then I've never heard of this game.

I agree with PPs - don't pay for another account.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 09/08/2021 19:13

It sounds like she needs a lot more supervision when she's online. A 'friend' she's never met convinced her to do something she knew she shouldn't, it's lucky losing an expensive toy is the worst that happened. She needs to have a parent keeping a close eye on her online conversations, at least all those with strangers. She's proven she's not yet able to keep herself safe.

caughtinanet · 09/08/2021 19:19

Of course you shouldn't keep allowing her to play this game (I'm assuming it's a game I don't know the name) she's clearly far too young to be on the internet unsupervised. Does she have additional needs? Even an 11 year old wouldn't give away their account twice would they?

Apeirogon · 09/08/2021 19:23

I'm with your OH on this.

I don't know this game, but presumably DSD can still play and enjoy it without the VIP status? My DSs play Fortnite and have never spent a penny on V-bucks (the Fortnite currency) as I consider it a complete waste of money. They still play it and love it - they just have to earn the additional bits and bobs themselves.

theemmadilemma · 09/08/2021 19:25

Nope. Lesson not learnt means a harder lesson.

GameSetMatch · 09/08/2021 19:28

Yes I’m 100% behind you husband on this one.

SingingInTheShithouse · 09/08/2021 19:29

She isn't mature enough for the responsibility of the account. She has shown that twice now. Your DP is right & you need to show a united front on this matter, not be arguing with him over it

JellyBellies · 09/08/2021 19:29

She promised she would not share her password and she did again? And you're saying that it's OK because it was a 'friend'?
Don't do something means don't do it. Are you being very clear with her?

In your situation I would have said something like - if you ever want to give your password to someone, you have to come and get my permission. This allows you to check before something goes wrong. And no means no.

DismantledKing · 09/08/2021 19:31

Yeah, he’s definitely right on this.

Emmelina · 09/08/2021 19:32

I agree with your husband to be honest. She’s 11, not 6. She should know better by now. She wouldn’t get another VIP account from me for some years!
You should also really press home internet safety rules. Today it’s a password and a stolen account, when will it become personal details like her school and home address?

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